I feel so very alone in my grief. I think people think I should be “ok” by now. It’s only been 3 months since my daughter died, I still get flash backs, panic attacks and the constant heavy feeling of missing her. I hide this from people, even the closest to me because I’m so scared they will get sick of me. I’m not sure how to deal with anything that I’m feeling, I’m just trying to survive every day.
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Hi @Catherine9
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
You say you are feeling alone in your grief. I wanted to share some sources of support that might help you right now.
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Child Bereavement UK support families with the loss of a child. They also support bereaved children. You can call their helpline on 0800 02 888 40.
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The Compassionate Friends support families who have lost a child of any age. They have a grief companion scheme where you can get 1-1 support from another bereaved parent. You can call them on 0345 123 2304.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Alex
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Hi Catherine,
Have you got much support around you?
What you’re feeling is exactly how I feel. So sadly it must be our new norm.
Some days I feel numb and just keep busy and by the end of the week I cry for several days and feel like the heartbreak could actually kill me. Like I can’t breathe. I could scream. I do if the other kids aren’t around.
Be kind to yourself, day by day is all we can do. It’s a huge loss and you will never feel or be the same again. I keep reading about the grief never going away but we will learn to live with it. Grief is love with nowhere to go. I’m trying so hard to learn how to love Sara in a different way. The only difference is she isn’t in physical form anymore.
The trauma and flash backs are very much a thing for me and all my children and husband too.
Do you have anyone that you can talk to and not hide how you’re truly feeling? It is sometimes easier to just say you’re fine to people, I generally feel I respond to certain people like this as I know they can’t support me emotionally so I avoid them. They say grief reveals friendships that you thought you had and ones that you’d never of expected.
Sorry I don’t know if I’m being very helpful I just want you to know I see and hear your pain and I don’t want you to feel alone. 
Sending hugs 
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@Jen82 thank you for this. It really does help. I hate that you are going through this but glad I can speak to someone that gets it.
That’s the strange thing with grief, I can enjoy something but at the same time be devastated- emotions I’ve never experienced co existing.
I have a great family and partner (not my daughter’s dad) but I don’t want to drain them. It sometimes does just spill out of me but for the most part, I try to just keep going.
I’m waiting for counselling but haven’t heard anything yet.
I’ve read a few lovely things about grief, about growing around it. I feel like I’m still in denial though, I keep thinking I will see her and then I remember - I guess it’s survival mode.
You sound like you have a lovely family too. I hope you have lots of support.
Are you managing to enjoy the school holidays? I work in a school (I haven’t been back since Eve died) but due to go back and I honestly don’t know if I can. I’m looking forward to spending time with my other two children but devastated Eve isn’t with us.
I hope this chat is helping you and I’m not upsetting you with my grief.
Catherine x
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@Catherine9 hi, I’m sorry you are here too. You are in so much shock. I lost my eldest son, Sam, in May 2024 & this week would be his birthday. I’m really struggling.
I am so like what you have described yourself as, I have pulled away from most people including some toxic family members. I only talk to my daughter and 2 good friends now. I am so lost. I had a partner (not my son’s Dad) but we were already splitting up. He was mentally abusive to me for a long time. I was waiting for our child to go to Uni then I was selling the house. We are now stuck in a house, living separately & I will not talk to him. He cannot handle any emotions at all. He’s emotionally immature and always was.
My son had a sudden cardiac arrest. He was fit and healthy and loving his life. It’s all too much to understand.
Feel free to message anytime.
Lisa x
Hi Catherine9, I recognise so much of what everyone has said on this chat. I lost my son two years ago and honestly, life since then has been such a roller coaster. There are days when I feel completely numb, and others when the emotions and fear feel so overwhelming that I don’t know how to get through them.
My world has become very small because so many people simply don’t understand what grief and PTSD can do to you. What I thought were panic attacks turned out to be PTSD. I’ve now had eight months of therapy and although it hasn’t gone away, I’m learning how to manage it a little better. Making my world small and avoiding people is the only way I can cope. My therapist calls it scaffolding, giving myself enough safety and support to get through the bare minimum each day. And sometimes getting through the day really is enough. I have learnt that we don’t leave our loved ones behind. We find ways to take them forward with us. We talk about them, say their name and include them in special days. We find our own ways of making sure they are still part of our lives.
I miss my son every single day. I can carry his love, his memory and everything he means to me as I slowly move forward one tiny step at a time. Sending love and a hug 