Were trying to think of something different to do i normally have it here danny loved preparing the turkey and he usually decorated the xmas trees involved a lot of work but he loved it there was usually about 13 of us this year my two daughters and their families so will probably have it in gemmas she wants me to stay xmas eveso I’m not on my own xmas morning im trying to think of it as just another day to get through no joy in it but we’ve still got 5 months maybe we might feel less dread about it but not sure its day by day some days are ok other days the panic and grief is overwhelming
yes it is overwhelming, but making it different is a plan, I didn’t even want to be in Devon for Christmas let alone in the house! I really do want to run a way from it all, I was 19 the last time I was in me Liverpool home for Christmas, and in my childhood bedroom! I window dress and decorate the hotel at Christmas here I work I start in September with a maintenance team , I normally look forward to getting away from my desk to do it, and would show Nick photos , even that I am not looking forward to this year! yes your right it is months away but I do tend to book and plan and think of things well in advance maybe we shouldn’t ?
1 Like
I have also thought about Christmas.
We usually had a quiet time together.
Plus there are a couple of significant dates around then.
I am dreading the whole Christmas period.
Plus I have never enjoyed New Year’s Eve.
We were always home and it would just be my husband , myself and my son , we would have buck fizz at breakfast and Boxing Day we would do a buffet for just the 3 of us and it would be the footie on TV etc , I would have to do some work shifts but we would always just be home and loved it, I don’t even want to be in this Town at Christmas let alone in the house without Nick x
2 Likes
Oh and I have never enjoyed New Year’s Eve either , I always thought because it was the day after my birthday and I would always be out for a meal etc the day before , plus working in a hotel the years of seeing the bag piper at midnight playing and some people crying ! I always thought why come away for New Year and cry ? Now I get it ! But I wouldn’t go away and cry I would stay at home and cry x
1 Like
I hate new years as well most of the time danny was working nights so we really didn’t go out so that won’t be so different for me this year
2 Likes
I’m trying not to think of Xmas yet - my father in law invited me and my kids up to his as some of my sister in laws will be there but it’s definitely not for me. Usually it would be us and the kids and sometimes an additional grandparent, aunt or friend who was on their own.
New year was always huge for us - being Scottish it’s always been a big celebration and we would regularly have a house party with friends and neighbours coming round. Last year as my husband was meant to retire we had booked a family ski holiday over new year as his retirement present to all of us, but we had to cancel it as he was so unwell.
I can’t see how new year will ever be the same but I feel I have to celebrate it somehow - just as we would have together.
His birthday is on friday - he would have been 57 - will celebrate the best we can just me and the kids.
3 Likes
Christmas and new year will be so hard for all of us were all in the same boat but hopefully we can try to put a happy face even tho inside were crying just for our families
2 Likes
I am not going to even think about Christmas until I have to. It’s as much as I can do to even think about tomorrow.
Xx
2 Likes
Yes, I have decided to try and live (exist) in the moment. Xx
I suffer from anxiety before my husband died and with my anxiety always looks ahead ! I wish I didn’t have to think about Christmas now but I am ! I am even thinking about events booked for 2025!!! Not doing myself any favours I know !
1 Like
When I was a theatre school it was called “teeth and eyes jazz hands “ that’s what I feel I am just doing to everyone to “appear “ I am ok ! But I am not and don’t think any of us are x
1 Like
I agree with everything in your 3 posts xx
1 Like
Nothing is the same my eating habits are awful maybe had 3 proper meals in 3 months i buy food then end up throwing it away cause i don’t want it sometimes will have a packet of crisps and toast for my tea but have cravings for sweet stuff ive lost about 9 pounds which really could do without losing my tv habits have changed i won’t watch anything we watched together im tired but can’t sleep i smile and say I’m ok but inside i don’t even want to speak to people the only people i want are a few close friends and my family do you all feel the same
1 Like
Yes. I feel exactly the same. 6 weeks for me. I throw food away, and that’s always been a pet hate of mine. I have found that cuddling one of his pillows and putting the other against my back makes me feel as if I am not alone in bed.
I get up, shower, throw the first thing on that I find, and wander around the house like a lost soul. I have also lost all my self confidence, scared to drive, and I keep getting the shakes.
Hopefully the better days will start to outnumber the bad ones soon.
Hugs xx
1 Like
The only thing i can say its not as bad as the early days so maybe it does get slightly easier x
Yes , absolutely ditto ! To all of that !x
That sounds very familiar @Debrat
I am eating ok but I only because I have to cook for my daughter but I often skip meals, eat junk, or have toast if she isn’t around.
I’ve lost a stone in weight and really look too thin but can’t manage to put it back on.
I can only tolerate seeing my kids and a few friends. Everyone else either upsets me or just makes me feel worse as they are getting on with their lives. That isn’t their fault but it just makes the situation worse for me as I feel stuck in time - even though it’s almost 4 months ago.
I don’t feel it’s getting any easier and I struggle to function anywhere like I used to.
Haven’t gone back to work as I have a stressful job working with risky teenagers ( which I used to love) and it wouldn’t be fair on anyone, but I wonder if the routine would help. At the same time I also need to be at home for my younger 2 kids (16&19 ) who need their mum to be here at the moment.
Don’t know what the answer is. Maybe time will help.
Sending strength and hugs
1 Like
At 6 weeks I still feel nothing like myself. I get shaky and breathless for the least little thing. I burst into tears at silly setbacks, and I am terrified to drive. I used to drive all over the country, but now the thought of driving makes me scared.
I just don’t like or recognise myself anymore.
I really hope that, in time, I will get back some self-confidence.
Xx
1 Like