Feeling alone

Just want to share and get others opinion my husbands been gone since 18th april very suddenly age 63 and in the early days people say whatever i can do to help but now i find the main person to help and think about me is my eldest daughter i have another daughter and neice who ive been like a mother to her anyway my daughter asked if wanted to go with her and her family to a sports event which my granddaughter was competing in ive got a little sausage dog so i asked my niece if she could let him snd out and just spend an hour with him so said she’d take him out but didn’t want to stay here for an hour as she didnt want to waste her Sunday when she could be spending it with her partner and baby she lives literally 10mins Away i no its not a big deal but it really upset me am i being over sensitive when she lost her mum she lived with me for nearly 2 years

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No, I dont think you’re being over sensitive. What I will say is that not everyone handles grief the same and not everyone is as kind and thoughtful as you. You’d probably do that in a heart beat, but she’s making excuses and doesn’t really sound like she wants to do it. I think it’s each to their own, we sometimes judge people on what we would do, yet we’re all different.
Just my thoughts, hope you’re well otherwise.

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Thankyou for replying i think ay times we do i would do anything to help and have always put others first but i would hate to be a burden on my family I’m feeling so sad and alone but I’ve got a lovely house and garden and my little sausage dog bailey so will probably suck it in and take him for a long walk

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@Debrat the helpers amongst us wouldn’t blink an eye at helping others, yet we’re the ones who don’t like asking for help.
I do like how you’re remaining positive, sometimes we need to be gratfeul for the small things and those things that keep making us happy.
I’m sure Bailey and yourself will enjoy a nice walk, hopefully the weather is good where you are :slightly_smiling_face:

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Yep. I can feel myself sinking down a rabbit hole today, so I am going out into the garden to deadhead the roses. My son has just taken his sister out for a little while and bringing back a take-away later. So, I am going to try to get a grip and be grateful for the good things I still have.
Much love to everyone. It seems like we are all feeling sad today. Xx

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Big hug xxx

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Hi. I think it’s quite inconsiderate to say that to you especially as it sounds like you’ve been so supportive to her when she was in need.
Like Paul says though not everyone has the kindness you have in your heart.
I think we are allowed to be a bit over sensitive at the moment too- I know I am - and I really find it hard if I feel let down or my feelings are dismissed by others.
I hope you enjoy your sports event - try not to let your niece spoil that for you - you deserve to go and have some fun ( as much as we can do ) xx

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Don’t think i am going to go now as i can’t take dog and i can’t leave him all day so will probably just spend Sunday on my own with the dog ive just got to try and do things on my own this is now my life

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@Debrat not everyone is like that, keep the faith. :heart:

@Debrat

Sorry but I think she’s selfish, it’s a bloody hour out of her day! It pisses me off how selfish some people are! Could the dog be dropped of at hers and collected afterwards? Maybe ask a neighbour? Sneak him in your handbag?

Sorry that she’s been inconsiderate towards you. Don’t let this make you feel like your alone. If I lived closer id of had him for an hour! It’s really annoyed me this.

Maybe looking towards the future could you look at dog walking groups and maybe find a buddy system for looking after each others dogs?

I really hope you get to go tomorrow xx

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Oh I’m so sorry. I’m sure there will be other events you can attend.
Is there anyone else you could reach out to who could help out ?
Dont let this dishearten you - you aren’t alone. Lots of support here for you and there are kinder people who would help out in sure if they knew.

Sending love and hugs xxxx

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Thanks for your msgs os support xx

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Hi Deb how are you doing ? Defo not over sensitive , it’s 3 months now since our husbands suddenly taken , and TBH I just feel I am pissing people off now, the visits from friends and the conversations I have with people when I go swimming seem to of stopped , probably because all I want to talk about is how shit my life was before I met Nick and how wonderful it was with Nick and now how shite it is without Nick ! I am now making conversations about rubbish now and trying to ask people about their “wonderful “ lives and I am pretending I am just ok, I am not and I guess you are not either .

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I understand.

I have a couple of friends who I can say how it really is. However, I must admit I keep it short.

The rest just want to go on as if nothing has changed.

I totally get it about talking ‘rubbish’ now and hearing about their lives.

Sending you a big hug xx

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Yes exactly the same I’m putting my happy face and my interested face on when I’m in work but really not interested in what people have to stay my eldest daughter has been great but she’s not happy with her sister and my neice she thinks they’re not giving me much support but me and gemma have always been more like best friends so i do try and not be upset in front of her its hard for them too at times i feel like this is the norm now i can function and at times its like I’m learning to live with the new life even tho at times i hate it so much i feel better if i no I’m needed like I’m needed in work like over wkend took my granddaughters to cinema and then had her and her brother overnight for me that helps that I’m needed sorry for going on does it make sense

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Your not going on it’s nice to hear from you , as I thought it was just me ! When I am talking to my Mum now on the phone in Liverpool I can hear she is fed up when I am talking about how “crap” my life is ! I have just been away to “Hampton Court “ with my son that should of been Nick , and everyone is saying “oh nice you have your son to go away with etc etc “, yea it was “nice “ but not the same !! He isn’t interested! I have just been swimming and people there were saying “oh did you have a lovely time away etc, and I am just making out it was all wonderful cos they don’t want to hear now how shite it is after all it’s 3 months now isn’t it ! It’s not great Debbie is it ? I feel like I have tried but I don’t like it x

I don’t want people to avoid me but if I’m honest don’t bother with the neighbours much its mostly just my close circle Danny’s family haven’t bothered they all live miles away so haven’t got anything in common with them I’ve got 3 close friends and my girls i got on touch with my cousin’s wife mary who lost my cousin 9 years ago he was more like my brother and dannys best friend and she said it gets easier but she has no interest in meeting anyone else she was 55 when he died and i think I’ll be exactly the same will focus on my girls grandchildren and friends who have known me all my life it is getting a bit more bearable haven’t got the slickly feeling all the time and i am sleeping better but nothing could ever be as bad as the early days

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Yes thank you for that info , I am 56 and have no interest in meeting anyone else , I know people say “it’s early days BUT “ that’s how I will be too, the only family I have here in Devon is my son , Nick had 3 grown up children and two grandchildren , it would be nice if they were in my life , but they never bothered or respected their father when alive and now they just want to know how much of his “estate “ they are getting they have upset me that much I have just blocked them ! So it’s easy to say they just won’t be in my life , I have two close friends here in Devon , and I message my childhood friends in Liverpool but no one really knows what I have been through or going through , and I am now at the stage where I don’t want to explain as unless you have been through it how can they honestly say they understand, when we don’t really understand why our husbands where taken suddenly x

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Its the feeling you get like today i did dinner for me and my daugher and we had a drink in our local pub for an hour she went home to her family and i came home to the dog hes been a godsend and its lucky when I’m in work for the two days gemma and my so in law look after him but its so lonley and empty and we have to put and act on that were ok but were not this is the new normal for as many years as we’ve got im dreading xmas ive told my girls i won’t be putting a tree or decorations up what’s the point danny loved xmas its silly things that pop into my head xmas is months away but still thinking of it

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Wow you mentioned the Xmas word too! I said to my son I will not be putting the tree’s and stuff up, he was like " WHAT"? I normally have to work Christmas it’s the nature of the beast in the hotel holiday trade, I would be in work and Nick would cook the dinner, he was so good like that , and I always couldn’t wait to get home, this year my boss has already said I can have Christmas off! first one in 32 years apart from lockdown! My son and I are " going home " to Liverpool for Christmas, first time in 37 years!! we have already booked restaurant for xmas day lunch , only ever ate out on Christmas day once before, so we are making it "different " thats the only way I can deal with it to be “different " My birthday is 5 days after xmas day and Nick would always make sure my birthday presents were not wrapped in Christmas paper like other people do ! he would also put my birthday presents under the xmas tree after christmas day and say ! not everyone gets birthday presents under the tree!! yes I am so thinking about it ! and I get the going home after a nice day, and no one to share it with I don’t like this " new normal” we had it sprung on us no time to prepare x