Never felt so alone. Ive never been this way. Was always busy with work or friends or partner. Happily took myself to events alone when my partner wasn’t free and just was happily independent. Now life seems to have ground to a halt. Family and friends busy doing their own things. Everyone busy with christmas dos. Im tired of reaching out to be rejected because people are too busy with their own lives. My partner ended his life 10 weeks ago and my world has stopped. The low emotions of grief have been debilitating. The deep emotional pain now present is overwhelming. Im doing all the self care I can to get back to me but the feelings of loneliness, abandonment and feeling let down by him, by people, by life are exhausting. Im trying to reframe these negative ideas by telling myself its just my head saying all that and im actually surrounded by people who care and support is available but the effort to keep reaching out to not feel like im drowning alone is exhausting. I know that this will pass. I’ve set social goals for the new year when feeling stronger to start single life again. Need a friend who really understands and who is really there. New friends, new miracles, a new life.
@Tali My husband also took his own life, on the 8 Oct.
I was doing ok…ish the past week or so, now I have taken a dive back to the beginning again. I am ignoring christmas, and will stay at home, just me and the cat. It’s tough, but in time, I hope it gets a little better. Best wishes
Tali, I am so sorry that your partner died. It is just a nightmare isn’t it? On top of your loss, the fact that he took his own life must be agonizing. I don’t know how one can wrap their head around this.
I am nearly 12 weeks in and my life ground to a halt too. Yes, everyone is busy with holiday plans and we are mostly alone with our grief. It is just the way it is.
We will never be as we were before our partners died. That life is over, that you is no longer, so the old you isn’t coming back. The new you is emerging, albeit painfully. We all have to reinvent ourselves and our lives and it takes a lot of time as we really don’t know who we are supposed to be.
I died when my husband died. “We” do not exist anymore, my life is forever changed, and becoming single again is a challenge everyday. I still don’t know who I am now. I will likely never see any of his buddies and their wives again as my husband was the center of the circle, not me.
It will get better. We will survive. The pain will lessen with time. At least that is what my widowed friends tell me and there is no reason to not believe them as they are living full lives as widows. I expect to as well. Just not yet.
Much love.
Its been 10 weeks since I lost my love too. I also do not know anybody who has lost a partner, except one who did not have a happy marriage and found someone else within 6 months. I have a friend who lost her son to suicide so knows grief and she keeps saying she will find the time to meet up but so far only has once. I try not to be too needy. I have family though and they are a great help, but it would be nice to talk to someone who truly knows how empty you feel without your partner. But these pages do help - everyone here does know. Take care.
this is a devastating and tragic event in your life.
it seems you are underestimating its impact.
if I were you, I would seek counseling. the rug has been ripped from beneath you. I would attend and get healing for your emotional health.
I feel the same…feel alone and desperate-i didn’t mind doing things solo when my partner was here but now he’s gone I feel abandoned by everyone
Thank you for your supportive messages. These help so much. When all the support numbers, reaching out to family, waiting lists for counselling support, self care exercises have been exhausted and you still feel alone, I wonder if creating a meet up group for people feeling the same would be helpful. I feel it would really help to share and support each other (physically) over a coffee for those who want to. So if anyone is North Manchester way please reach out if it feels right to.
Debsie1
Have you heard of the Bereavement Cafe meetings? Farleigh Hospice have them - or search bereavement cafes in your area. Everyone there will most probably be widows or widowers. Hope you are successful.