My best friend died just under 4 months ago. Aged 24, completely unexpectedly. She was perfectly healthy but had a sudden cardiac arrest during her sleep. I’ve never lost anyone this close to me before. I thought I was doing well but I just feel so angry all the time. I hate talking to people but I hate being alone. I try to stay as busy as possible - this seems to help because I don’t think about it as much. We have a very close group of friends but they are going through the same thing. Whenever I talk to them it seems like I’m just bringing them down. I have a good support system and people around me that care but I just can’t see a day where I don’t feel like this.
I was so very sad to read you had lost your best friend and at a very young age too. This must have been a dreadful shock for you, the effects of shock can last a long time so a lot of what you are feeling could be related to this.
Losing a relative or friend is frightening how ever many times you experience it. Like you I have lost friends and have lost relatives including my parents. Each time it hits badly, I have been completely ‘pole-axed’ on occasion. And like you have felt a lot of anger at what has happened.
Four months is not long at all and you sound as if you are doing the right thing in trying to keep busy. It does help I agree. Eating properly is also good, I find it I don’t I just start feeling worse so even if it is little and often (plus healthy) that will help too.
I am sure you are not bringing your friends down. It is important to talk about what has happened, maybe bring in memories of happier times when you were all together. You must all be hurting a great deal over this. Friendships are so important to have so cherish this group of people.
If it all gets too awful to cope with maybe ask your doctor if there is a bereavement group you could join. Talking to people you don’t know can sometimes help though I know you have said you don’t like talking to people.
Take care of yourself, you are doing well honestly it just takes time to get over the initial hell of it all.