Sometimes I feel that she’s left me. I’m here on my own, and I know it’s mad, but I get angry that she’s no longer with me. It’s not all the time, but enough that I feel ashamed of myself.
I also find that I see couples of my age together and I want to say to them how fortunate they are to have each other, but always I feel envious. We had 45 years together, 6 of them when I was retired so I had more than many, but still feel cheated.
Someone said I love the memory of June. They’re wrong. I love June.
Take Care all
Dave, I am with you all the way. 45 years we had but I always say it wasn’t long enough. I ask why but I know why and nothing can change that. We are not mad just grieving for what we have lost. Think of all those memories and cherish them. Look after yourself Dave. S xx
I know that feeling, but I’m also angry at myself as well. I know if Derek had been treated sooner he’d still be here. I’m angry that the last few months were spent by me nagging him to get back in touch with the doctor. I thought he was jaundiced & nagged at him to go to the doctor in the first place in June 2019, he did, they checked his bloods said he wasn’t, we had just been on holiday & he was tanned so I put it down to that. They said he was anaemic though they didn’t give him anything. Anyway the long & short of it is he died of liver failure just before Christmas the same year:sob:I torture myself & can’t help it, it overwhelms me & takes over the wonderful memories we made. That traumatic time is imprinted on my brain, 2 years on & it’s like yesterday. I know deep down it’s not my fault, I’m not a doctor but you can’t help the feelings. The pain in your heart is a physical pain isn’t it, literally broken
Sending love & strength to you on this terrible journey x
I was with my husband 42 years and married over 38 when he died on his motorbike. Anger - although not as enduring - continues as part of my grief. I certainly get angry at my husband but for the motorbike he would still be with me. And like yourself I see couples the same age and feel envious. Our 40th wedding anniversary is approaching and I don’t think I was asking much for my husband to still be with me to celebrate. I was four months from retirement when he died and now it is just me and all our plans gone.
The person who said you love the memory of June doesn’t understand. Like you, I love my husband.