I lost my soulmate three weeks ago. Most friends and family have been incredibly supportive for which I am so grateful. I am however feeling overwhelming anger on two levels, at people who know of my loss but choose not to contact me with a kind message but much more at incredibly crass/hurtful messages. One ‘friend’ said she was sorry not to have been in touch but had been away for two weeks (visiting family in the UK and on social media the whole time so well able to contact me). She then spent ages telling me about her daughter’s new flat eventually asking about my husband!! And all those “I know how you feel… my uncle died 10 years ago” launching into a detailed account of the death… Also “how are you feeling now, bit better?” like I have the flu not visceral grief and a brick in my chest. And worst of all a close friend who promised “to be there” when we received the death knell but has ghosted me since. This anger is eating me up and I’d appreciate coping strategies.
Dear @JillyH i am so sorry that you are left feeling angry after the loss of your soulmate. It sure hurts like hell. I lost my husband 12 weeks ago and like you those I hoped would be there to support have disappeared and my 2 daughters have been what can only be described as cruel and stopped contact with grandkids because they claim I need to get my act together.
The days I feel hurt and angry are many and to combat them I listen to music from my younger days with fond memories. I also find mindfulness helpful though it took a while to get it. Sadly we can’t change the way others behave but we can be kind to ourselves.
Sending you a hug
Thank you dear Jen I am so sad you’re going through this hurt with your daughters maybe good intentions but so cruel. Very wise words re not being able to change other people’s behaviour we have to look out for number one now. Big hug right back xx
People that I thought would be there are not it feels such a lonely time hate when others say I know how you feel I hate lost my soulmate someone even was chatting about how upset they where they had lost there dog
Hi jilly. It’s taken me a long time to try and fathom out how people’s minds work and I’m afraid I don’t know the answer. The one thing I can tell you is. The thing you are describing about your friends not being there is a very common occurrence. I lost my adult son 7 years ago. Roughly 400 people attended his funeral. We have lived in the same are for 50 years. I know a lot of people. I’ve had friends that I’ve had for 30 and 40 years. Been through thick and thin with these people, attended weddings, been on holidays watched there children grow up. After my son’s funeral every single last one of my " friends" disappeared off the face of the earth. I couldn’t understand it at first. While you are grieving you expect your close friends to be there, when they are not it’s very hurtful and confusing. It took me probably about 3 years before I could let go of my anger. I’ve never seen any of these people again. I’ve never understood it. My wife and I practically had to reinvent ourselves and make new friends. Life now consists of before and after. My life before my son died with all my friends doesn’t exist anymore. I thought it was just me, but after reading plenty of posts on this site it seems that this has happened to virtually everyone that has lost a person. I put it down to fact that if you haven’t lost anybody then you simply don’t understand grief. By your friends purposely staying away and avoiding you they don’t know the damage they are causing. Of the 400 that came to my boys funeral not a single one of them has ever rang me, text me. Facebooked me. People avoid you that long that eventually the friendship bond breaks and they are no longer friends. Then there’s the strange and nasty things people say to you after a loss. But that’s a conversation for another day.
Sorry for your loss, hope you can eventually find some peace
I know what you are talking about. I have mentioned on other threads about so called friends who haven’t been in touch since the funeral. Or others who have promised so much help and haven’t heard from them either. My husband would be so disappointed with these so called friends and family. Just have to depend on the ones who are there for me. Disregard the rest and don’t waste my energy on them. Don’t forget if they are a couple they will find out one day what this feels like and will be looking for support.X
Jim this is horrendous I’m so sad for you and your wife. To be honest it’s just a few family members and friends who have hurt me your situation is far worse. Wishing you peace and tell yourselves they obviously weren’t true friends you deserve better x