Feeling bullied

Four months now since My partner passed and feeling so bad. His family have shut me out completely. I was told they had scattered his ashes without letting me know as I had asked. I text to say it was cruel how they had treated me and my family - he was an alcoholic and they had very little contact with him. We lived together for 10 years and he had an awful painful death. Anyway, now they are saying I killed him and saying awful things about me culminating in an aggressive abusive telephone conversation saying I killed him by plying him with alcohol till he died just so I could get his money. The language was foul. I can’t get it out of my mind. I’ve been hit by a brother and threatened by another family member so that I had to give up being able to see him in hospital. I spoke to him daily when he was in hospital and spent his last days with him at home for which I’m grateful. I never let myself believe he would die. It’s all so horrible. I’ve been to the police now as I’m feeling very intimidated. I cannot understand how vile people can be - I can’t grieve for him properly with all this over my head. It’s killing me

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Dear Mand3,

I m so sorry to read about the way you have been treated by your partner’s family. It must be very upsetting. It has been said that grief can bring out the best in people and the worse. It certainly sounds like it has brought out the worse in them. Without knowing the history, it is difficult to uderstand why they are doing this. What I would like to say to you is: try to not let their bullying and lying get to you. Hold your head up high. You know in your own heart how much you and your partner loved each other, and what you have done for him that they have not seen and will never know. Maybe you can do something in memory of him, like planting a tree or a rosebush, to make up for the fact that you were not included in the scattering of the ashes.
Hold on to your own memories of the good times, nobody can take those away from you. xx Jo

Thanks Jo. Yes we are speaking to council re planting a tree by the river where we used to walk. I’ve been proactive today and am arranging therapy and talks with a solicitor. I know my grief and sometimes outbursts of anger are affecting my family and friends so I’ve got to deal with this and not spiral into a deep depression.
I find this website quite therapeutic and helpful and it has been comforting to get messages of support from other people going through the grieving process. I hope whatever lead you to this site is working itself out. Thank you again

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I’m so sorry to hear your story. How horrible for you while you are grieving. My partner passed away 5 weeks ago . Her 4 brothers have always treated me as their brother and now when I needed them most they were there for me. We had no money so I couldn’t even pay for the funeral . They all knew how much I loved their sister and have all supported me in one way or another. One of them in particular covered the costs until I can sell my house when of course all debts will be paid. Such a different experience to you. I hope it works out ok for you. xx

Thank you for your kind words

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