Hi all
It’s almost 6 months since my husband passed and it has been a very difficult time ( as you will all know) with lots of downs and very few ups for me and my kids.
I’ve been trying to find a local bereavement group and have now found one some 20 miles away that do a walking group, and they have also invited me to attend their next 6 week course for spouses bereaved by cancer.
As I was sharing my story with one of the staff today I was reflecting on what it was I was looking for, and realised that I wanted to feel connected to someone/something other than my kids.
Just to talk in person to someone who really understands and has been on this journey and is willing to share some time. A bit like on here but in person.
I have family, who in honesty just want to avoid all the unpleasantness of grief, and have some really supportive friends, but the more time goes on, the more they irritate me and the more distant I feel from them, to the stage that I feel almost completely disconnected to my life as it was before.
I feel more comfortable in the presence of people who I never knew before his passing and that seems really weird. And sad. I want to have a connection with others who can talk and listen about my husband, but it seems that no one else who I thought loved him wants to do that. Or maybe they just don’t want to do it with me.
Anyone else experiencing this ?
Love and strength and a good nights sleep to all xxx
Hi Roni, I feel just the same. It’s a shame that we don’t live closer to each other so that we could all meet up. The first time I was widowed I read a book by a lady that had lost her husband and there were details in the book of a website chat room. I joined it and found there were a few of us within about an hour of each other. So we started having meet ups and I am still friends with them. Sadly that chat room doesn’t exist now and I don’t know of any others.
Other widowed people are most comfortable company, they get how we feel.
The local hospice have coffee mornings and so does the funeral director I used but I have not been to either.
I want much the same as you, a social activity with other widows rather than just sitting in a circle talking about our grief. It sounds picky and fussy when I put it like that. Maybe that is the first step, though, perhaps other things would grow from the circle.
Now I am going back to not knowing what I want (apart from the obvious), I just know that whatever I want, I haven’t got it yet.
Complicated creatures, aren’t we?
Xx
Gosh this is exactly how i feel.
None of my friends understand how painful my Husband’s death was for me and my 21 year old son.How it seems to be getting harder every day.
I want a connection too with someone else who understands these feelings that i have.
I feel so lost,so alone,so disconnected and I want to be happy again but all i feel is such sadness. I want to like life again not just have to endure it.
Maybe we should try to help ourselves. Perhaps there are others close by.
I live in Luton, anyone close? We can private message on here I think. Better not to put any personal names, contact details on this forum.
Xx
Definitely feel the same.
It’s like he didn’t exist to some people.
You can see and feel the discomfort when I talk about him…
As though the past 15 years were a dream or a lie…
It upsets me and makes me angry.
With the exception of a few, I need a new group of friends that understand
Isn’t it strange, I never expected the couples that used to be friends with Ray and I, particularly his male friends in the couple, to distance themselves. I really liked them and do miss laughing and chatting with them and of course their bloke connection to my husband from his work or sailing. Oh well, what you gonna do?!
Found myself tidying ‘gadget corner’ this morning. All my Darling’s gadgets - work phones (still figuring out who to give those to), Bose headphones (maybe to his son), new large iPad I bought him for his birthday last year (before Stomach Cancer was ever a thing) … well, they were all dusted and tidied at 0500 this morning
Yeah…why do they do that?
They’re not going to catch anything, it’s grief, not a disease!
Guess they don’t know how to deal with it so they distance themselves, but its going to happen to one person in each couple we know…
I hope I have the capacity to help and not offer the radio silence I have received from a few, especially when I know my Ray felt reassured that these practical friends would support.
Oh, this journey, there’s nothing good from it and I’m 53 so possibly another 25 years of wondering ‘what if the man I love had lived?’
Here I was, thinking that we in the south east get the best weather. It has been dank and misty all day. I wouldn’t mind so much but my parents moved us from Yorkshire ‘for the better climate’!
Still, I’m glad you have some sunshine. And I am glad we moved south or I would never have met my husband. I miss him like crazy. Xx
