Hi absent I feeling the same as you! I can’t stop sobbing my eyes out was doing really well then just couldn’t cope anymore, I keep trying to be busy but don’t have the motivation to do anything! Then when I do something I’m in tears again let’s hope we feel better soon!
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Hi I’ve been feeling down also quite recently, grief seems to effect me In Different ways aswell as anger and depression
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Hello Sflight, so sorry for how you are feeling, I don’t know how long ago you lost your loved one, and I want to say it’ll get easier with time, but its different for everyone, I understand how you feel, sometimes I get angry too, because my husband was taken away from me, after everything we went through he still died, 
..sometimes I don’t feel like doing anything just sit around watching TV, but sometimes I do make myself go out for a walk, especially in the morning, and that usually helps me cope for the rest of the day. Please try taking care of yourself. God bless you 
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This is the scary part… Sometimes a day goes well and then it hits after the sun goes down… I sleep with lamps turned on all night long…
Janka
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Hello Janka, I also sleep with many lights on as well, back porch, front porch, , it just seems to help with the loneliness 
. Take care God bless
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Dear Janka
I’m 10 months into this nightmare new life. Everything scares me now, the dark, sudden noises, being alone, Someone I know having an accident. I still sleep with a lamp on and my phone playing boring histories all night. I can’t bear the dark and the quiet, I have to listen to something to distract my brain.
We do anything we can to distract us from our loss x
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Hello, I just hate being alone period. I no longer have my husband to go places with, I don’t have his protection, his advice, he was always so supportive of me, . I don’t dare go to places we use to go to together, for me its only been 2 months , I hope things will get better soon. It bothers me when I see couples together 
i want that too, and I can’t. Take care all. God bless
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Dear Mary
I think a lot of us feel the same. I’m so pleased I found this group where people are honest about how they feel. Without it I would worry, is it just me that’s scared of the dark, jealous of couples holding hands. Two people I know are off on holiday this weekend to our favourite holiday place. I can’t bear them talking about it when I know we’ll never go again, I want to cry but I don’t. It’s not that I don’t want them to have a good time it’s just hurts that we’ll never do it again.
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Dear Helen, I’ve been feeling very lonely and down today, keep bursting into tears, it all just gets too much sometimes. I’m finding it hard being on my own, scared at times too. I used to be so happy go lucky but now am just anxious all the time. It’s exhausting. I hope we get a restful evening 
sending hugs 
xx
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Dear Helen,
I do it too. There must be a background when I try to fall asleep and because I still can’t listen to our favorite music, I play talks about how to cope with hurting people, so I can face it without being upset, unhappy and desperate… I’m proud of me that I’m able to do it, even though my soul screams,..
Janka
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Sorry Lg I’ve only just seen your post. It’s awful, truly the worst thing that has happened to us. When I move if things don’t work out I’m planning on moving to a flat in an independent living complex. My parents lived there and it was so good for dad after we lost mom. There were plenty of activities if he wanted to join in, outings and holidays. A restaurant on site if needed. He made so many lovely friends who eventually kept an eye on him when he started with Alzheimer’s.
I know I’m not at that stage yet but there are people there younger than me. It’s for company, theatre trips, a social life without leaving the building if that’s what you chose. I know it’s not for everyone and every place is different but going forward that’s where I’ll be. No worry for my kids as there are carers available day and night when needed.
Just something to think about for the future x
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Hi Helen. It’s certainly something to think about in the future, my aunt is in assisted living and she is enjoying where she is. I’m only 59 so hopefully I can find some joy before I need to think about that.
Maybe in the future I will look for another home, just not quite ready to take on that stress at the moment.
I’m having a meeting with my manager and HR in a couple of weeks with a view to returning to work, am really hoping that will help me, we shall see.
Lots of love to you Helen xxx 
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I hope your meeting goes well and returning to work helps you. Since losing Stephen I feel like I need a plan, I don’t want to be a burden in my kids. I’m retired but still fit and able, I’m hoping to volunteer somewhere when I find a new house x
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Dear Helen, I think I would certainly look for volunteer work if I was retired, I knew a lovely lady who worked in a charity shop, she was on her own, and it was a lifeline to her, she loved it there. That’s something I would like to do when I retire.
Making a plan for the future will help, I hope I get to that point soon. LJ
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Hi Helen, are these homes expensive? Do you buy a property and pay an annual fee? All the best
Tom
Hi Tom
No I don’t think they are expensive. There are different types in the village, some are bought and some rented. I didn’t like the bought ones. Where mom and dad moved to was run by a charity. Last year the rent was about £1000 a month, meals, care and excursions extra of course. It was the care component that was expensive but only the same as a private care company. Dad’s flat was perfect for him, two bedrooms and a lovely balcony overlooking the the gardens. There is a roof terrace just along the landing with a kitchen for the nicer weather.
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Hi Helen, it doesn’t sound expensive of course it depends on your health, if you need ful time help things can get very expensive but the rent sound quite good. At the moment I would feel too young but in a few years I might consider it as I don’t want to end up a recluse.
You mentioned your grandson having autism, my sister’s son is also autistic in his thirties. He does a lot but he can’t live on his own, of course it’s a worry as nobody really knows what to do for their future. There should be some sort of community living for them. I think there must be so many people in the same situation.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Hi Tom we have community living complexes for young people but not enough of course. Dad’s place was a real mix of people, some were people who had sold to release for funds for travel, some were younger adults (over 55) that needed a little support and then there were a couple with dementia like mom who needed help. One lady Anne moved in but was hardly ever there, always travelling. Over the years she became more involved in the community and travelled less. She was dads dancing partner, they both loved to dance.
I find it a comfort to know it’s somewhere I can turn too in the future. For now I’m still searching for what to do next. After over 50 years with Stephen I’m still a bit lost.
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Hi Helen, I hope It’s not for long. Once you’ve decided on a house to make a home. For my self I can’t imagen doing much travelling on my own. It doesn’t interests me much.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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I used to be so energetic. Kept my home clean and tidy, but since losing my husband just over three months ago, like many others, I just do the necessary bits and pieces then just sit down in my chair watching mindless TV til it’s time for bed or just wander from room to room, telling myself I’ll sort that out tomorrow, but when tomorrow comes I just can’t be bothered. I might have a burst of energy especially when one of my sons come round, but when they go the loneliness and loss hits me like a bolt of lightning and I can’t stop crying. I can’t remember when I last had a decent nights sleep. I’m like a zombie and just can’t be bothered with my home, appearance and as for going out, the thought feels me with dread. I just don’t want to be here anymore. I told one of my ‘friends’ her response was ‘I thought you’d be over it by now’ I was so shocked and said grief doesn’t work like that, but her attitude had me in bits and questioning myself, but I miss my husband so very much.
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