Feeling empty

Hello,

I’m not really sure what im looking to get from this, maybe just a place to let it all out?

My wonderful Grandad left me on January 7th 2024. He left peacefully and although it was inevitable, it was still so unexpected? My Gramps was poorly with a lot of health conditions, (heart mainly) and he was 85 years old. He is my first huge loss in my life and I turned 31 on 2nd of February. My Gramps has been like a dad to me as me and my mum lived with him, so he has been there every single day for me and now he isn’t. Its only been a month and i cant imagine the rest of my life without him, it hurts every single day knowing ill never see him or hear him again. Not only that, 5 days after my grandad left, my little dog Fudge had a routine appointment at the vets, had a seizure and unexpectedly left, he was 10 years old, the only comfort i had is that hed be with my Grandad but i just dont understand it? How is it fair that this happened? I miss them both so much and its just awful. Everyone keeps saying things will eventually go back to normal but they wont how will they be normal now my Grandad isnt here? Normal would mean my Grandad is here and i cant believe ill never see him again? Every day i think of him and i cant get it out of my head that it wasnt his time to go, or that if something else had happened hed be here? He was in hospital for a week and left in hospital and that breaks my heart as he asked us to bring the three dogs to see him as he missed them :cry: he should have been in his own home :cry: i was with him when he left and so was my mum and i just jeep replaying it in my head, i told him we would be ok if we needed to go and that was a lie, i knew i wouldnt be ok and i shouldnt have said it as i didnt want him to go. I cant even say anything other than “he has left” because the other words are too hard and too real. I can only talk about it to my mum and my husband, and cant say it out loud to anyone else because i just cant believe this has happened?!

Sorry for rambling and sorry its so long. Please dont feel like you need to reply, im not expecting a reply, just typing it out has been helpful x

I am sorry for your loss .
Grief is so painful and how long and upsetting it is ,is different for everyone so you hold the answer no one else an tell you that.
I lost my loving partner may 2022.
Cervical cancer stage 4…
I knew it was inevitable but nothing could prepare me for her final days.i cared for her for 3yrs witnessing the physical changes and problem after problem.
I saw her final breath and she was so lucky to be in her own bed in her own house.
My loved one of 22yrs was the first close family member to pass for me.
I just cant get over what i saw and how degraded my partner felt as i had to keep her hygienically clean as she had a permanent cathata and holes in her bowel in which she had no control of solids ,i was constantly doing laundry and changing the bed.
I say she passed in her bed but that was such a slim chance and in fact a small miracle.
My partner was on a decline and in so much pain i had to call the ambulance.
On top of this she started to say strange sentences, just making no sence.
She was on the verge of being forced into hospital and she hated hospital.
Staff called for a extraction team and were going to physically wrap her up in the bed sheets if necessary.
I said it was a miracle and it was .
I was told to go downstairs as it would be upsetting and normally they scream.
I was crying my heart out ,was this right of them to do this ,i blamed myself for calling the ambulance.
When i seen the ambulance staff coming down the stairs empty handed ,i was so relieved .
If it was some hidden strength or a call from up above my partner came round with 100% of her facilities and they had no powers to force a extraction.
I was able to sit with my partner for most of that night talking as normal ,eating and watching corrie .That few hours was so,so special because later that night it all came crashing down .
Her body started shutting down aswell as cancer she caught sepsis and following night she passed away.
I really miss her so much as we were together everywhere we went ,now thats no more.
I will never forget the things i saw what cancer can do to a human being.
For them not to be hear anymore ,i get it.
And for people to say it gets easier ,HOW WOULD THEM KNOW.
ARE THEM ME ?
i hope you find strength from somewhere.
I write poems ,ive wrote over 30.
Ive got a french bull dog,they are mad and crackers,but she really helps.
Talk to others on here because many know the grieving process and listen .
Take care

Hi, im so sorry for your loss, we have lost my Nanna only 4 days ago , she had terminal cancer and we had 2 weeks from finding out until she left us i dont know what to do with myself x

@Cks02 so very sorry for the loss of your grandad and your dog Fudge :(. What you’re going through sounds a bit similar to what I’m experiencing. I lost my grandad suddenly 2 weeks ago, for me aswell this has been my first big loss. The painful thing for me also is knowing I won’t see him again too :(. I can’t comprehend it, Grandad had a tough last 5 years, cancer, myasthenia gravis, loss of mobility and dementia. I try to take comfort in knowing he is at peace but it still hurts so much and the pain is unbearable. Please take care :heart: it does help a little bit writing on here and sharing feelings of grief with other people xx