My partner died on 5 August this year. I’ve been up and down but thought I was coping.
These last few days I’ve started to feel increasingly anxious, panicky and physically exhausted and achy with bad neck, back and headache.
I don’t have anyone to help me as my partner was my carer but I now seem to have this irrational fear that I’m deathly ill and I will die here alone with my little doggie.
Does anyone else feel the same way or am I going mad?
I’m on the waiting list for bereavement counselling but have been told there is a 6 month waiting list.
I wish I could go to bed and wake up on 2 January. My face is sore from crying and I’ve lost weight not eating properly.
Thank you for listening x
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Hi, so sorry you’re going through this. I just wanted to reassure you that you’re not going mad, everything you describe is perfectly normal, the panic attacks, weight loss, fear of imminent mortality, all ‘normal’. It’s an awful roller coaster, but it does get easier, and your beloved dog will help you through 
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I lost my husband of 40 years in May. The anxiety i have been left with was terrible. I never suffered from it before. I did feel better from it, but now Christmas is here i feel it again. The future seems scary and i want 2024 to be here and hope it gets not so scary
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So sorry you are feeling so bad. Yes I had the same feelings I would wake up in the night sweating. I also lost weight. It’s been four and a half years since my husband died. It does get easier with time. You will never get over loosing your partner. I still have my bad days but it does get better. Bereavement counseling does help it gets all your feeling which we try to keep hidden from others out in the open, which I felt helped me. Look after yourself and take one day at a time.
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I am on a list waiting for counselling. Doctor has put me on antidepressants and i still have not returned to work. I am hoping early January for that. It will be a step forward. Hopefully by then i feel a bit stronger.
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Yeh its xmas innit ? Its bloody awful … gives you all this time alone . . Cut off from the world !! X
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