Its the only way I can describe how I have felt since I lost my mum , and to be honest how I think I look now too . can anyone relate to this ?
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Dark was how I described it after I lost my mum. I felt a darkness. Light a light had gone out somewhere. Everything seems darker and bleaker x
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yes I sadly can relate to you too hugs , I just feel like the life has been sucked out of me and I feel so ill somedays
Sorry you lost your mum too how long ago did you lose her ninnic?
I’m sorry for the loss of your mum too. It was 7 weeks ago on Thursday just gone. But I guess she really went on Valentine’s Day as that’s when she went (I still can’t say that word sorry so she went or passed) first but they got her pulse back but it took too long so we were advised to turn off the machines on the Thursday. I still can’t believe it even though I sat and held her hand. How long for you?
I have not been warm since the 14th feb. I’m freezing cold all the time. And I shake. A lot. And yes feel ill. Dizzy. Wobbly. Sick. But my appetite has been awful and can’t eat much at the moment. Well for 7 weeks I’ve not eaten a lot.
it was 25th January but it feels like yesterday , I sat holding her hand for 32 hrs and like you it still seems unreal xx
Here for you. You need to talk I’m here xx
thank you , and me for you too , its such an isolating horrible time isn’t it ,
Yes it really is. People seem to vanish into thin air but you’re not alone. I’m here and so are all the people here.
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@nicnic and @tixy well I lost my lovely mum over a year ago ( January 2021) and I feel dreadful today. I have the odd day when I’m " OK" but I too, feel unwell a lot of the time. I’m sorry to not be more positive here - my mum’s death was expected but it happened in lock down meaning our End of Life plans went out the window. Mum was taken to hospital and I still feel so sad that she was there alone and not in her bed, which we had planned. After around 15 years of working as a team with our dad caring for mum, the end just feels so impersonal and clinical. I want one more hug from my mum and know this will never happen. It is a very isolating place x
It’s the isolation I’m struggling with. I have some issues going on with my childrens father at the moment too and the one person who’d of been my ear has gone.
Nic x
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I am so sorry you had to go through such a difficult and awful time made worse by the evil covid , and that everything was taken out of your hands must have been so very hard for you, I have no words except that you are not alone and understand the drained feelings and those of wishing for one more hug or phone call and the isolation , it really does feel like a day at a time and getting through each one best one can, some days the sadness is overwhelming or in my case not being given any chance to grieve as so many other things going on in the family with worries and ill health sucks the life out of me, I am so sorry for your loss it sounds like you were the best and the kindest and most loving team with your dad and how wonderful your mum had you both to do that for her for all those years, hugs xxx
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yes the isolation is awful - after the funeral people seem to disappear and stop wanting you to talk about how you feel etc , when in fact that would help so much , I sort of feel agitated and distracted in my head a lot of the time and so so many of my thoughts centre or return to thoughts about my mum , its amazing how many things link back to my mum, places I go, see , hear of, smells, food, items in a shop… the mum had … mum liked…mum said…mum took…mum went…etc etc its relentless , and things that others say innocently that remind you of something and they haven;t a clue that what they said would have any link at all for you with your mum or memory etc…
How you’re feeling pretty much describes how I’m feeling right now. There is a memory everywhere, a conversation I can go back to if I see or hear something. Thoughts of mum consume me all day every day. I can’t get my head straight at all.
and its so exhausting isn’t it Nicnic as its a constant whirl, today I have looked at things of hers in envelopes that I have here that need sorting and just can’t, caught sight of a dish in my cupboard that she gave me years ago as I liked it which was her mums and we used to have the mint sauce in it on Sundays , been thinking about making contact to sort out the ask scattering but can’t face it today, remembered when my kids were born and all the early days, cuddled her cat that now lives with us as I promised her ages ago if anything ever happened I would take one of her cats and my brother the other , caught sight of her photo in the corner of the room where I am sitting several times today ans still can’t believe I wont see her or hear her voice again , I hardly cry as I just don;t have the energy to do so…
They are such huge parts of our lives. They’ve been there all our lives. When I knew they were turning the machines off I was like how am I meant to live without my mum? I’ve never had to before. But yes everything is a reminder. My sister has taken on mums dog. I had to look after her today and she’s having a sleepover on Wednesday night here. I love the dog to bits but hurts to look at her. The last thing mum would of wanted was to leave her dog behind. I struggle to look at pictures. I can’t look through my phone. I can’t even bare to look at her name on my phone at the moment let alone look at the messages or anything. I do cry.
so sorry I haven’t seen this or replied until now Nic nic …Ive been struggling a fair bit with all this too , so I am sending you hugs, how are you doing at the moment ? xx
I lost my daughter in January and I’ve got no appetite and food all tastes like cardboard. I buy nutrition drinks and make a smoothie in the blender with that and bananas, any fruit, milk and a portion of the nutrition drink. It’s like a super nutritious milk shake. I use Complan but any of that type of thing would do. When I mentioned it to my GP she was able to prescribe some, they are usually prescribed for people who need building up after an illness. Sounds like you and I need building up after our loss. I try to have one every day and on the days I can barely face food at all at least I’ve got some goodness going in. Easy to get down if you like milkshake type drinks. Just a thought cos it’s even harder to pick myself up at all if I can’t eat. It helps me also feel I’m making an effort at least to try and cope. Best wishes to you. I think all we can do is keep on keeping on till we learn to cope without the one we lost. In time, slowly slowly. X
@tixy I’m sorry for the late reply to your kind message. I’m actually missing the care and support our little team gave to mum. I certainly never begrudge any amount of time spent trying to make mum’s life slightly easier. Well, my parents have always been there for me so obviously it was the natural thing to do - help with mum’s care. Life these days is quite weird. I am out of the acute phase of grief ( I think) but I often feel sad for no apparent reason. I do have blessings in life and I am now trying to see these as opposed to seeing the grief and sadness. Take care x