Feeling Guilty for being Ok?

Coping with bereavement
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Hi All,

I’m wondering, does anyone else ever feel guilty for doing ok in general?

I am spending my 7th Sunday without my Mum today, and I watched a video of her this morning (3 weeks before she passed away with family around her) and listened to some voicemails from her, and I cried. I woke up feeling very heavy and stuck, so I laid in and just sat with it all. I was meant to see my sister today also, but decided to stay home and just… be.

Generally speaking, I feel like I’m doing ok so far, and I think its all to do with how my Mum raised me to be, and how strong she has made me. But I feel a little guilty… I took myself away for a few days with my dog, I ate, I drank, we took long walks on the beach, I met some people and chatted a lot… more than I’ve done so in a LONG time… and I remembered how to be me. I even sang and danced… I used to sing and dance every morning to wake myself up an I haven’t done so for such a long time.

My grief is wavy… as I know it can be… I can be fine… and all of a sudden, I’m welling up or I’m feeling sick and heavy. But 80% of the time… I’m ok…

I know its how my Mum would want it to be, and even when I was away, a bit tipsy and crying on the floor to a song that reminds me of her… I could hear her saying, “Come on my darling, thats enough now…” - and not in a controlling way, but in a stoic way, its time to get up again and move…

I feel like crying even saying this, because that was my Mum… such a strong woman, I’m so proud to call myself her daughter. Everything I am is because of her.

And I’m ok… but why do I still feel this sense of guilt… I also feel a bit like my mind is tricking me… distracting me from her passing, making me think shes still around somewhere…

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Hello @ColdWaterMermaid,

I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.

Take good care,
Alex

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I’m so sorry you’ve lost your mum.
think it’s really different for everyone but I found it took a good couple of months for the real pain to hit home.
I had a really bad week last week and then today - not so bad at all. But I know that it’s just my brain giving my soul a rest, and tomorrow or the next day I’ll be back down in a pit of despair.
Today I got loads done - cleaning, sadmin - even got my husbands ashes which have been waiting for me for almost 2 months. I’m nowhere near functioning as I was before but it felt better to do more and have a bit respite and I recognise that I need a break from all the sadness and my mind is giving me that so I don’t get too overwhelmed.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. - just float along the tide and see where it goes. Don’t feel guilty - you have no reason to feel that way - your mum sounds like an amazing lady.
Sending hugs xx

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Hi Roni,

Thank you for your response. Thats what I’m wondering…. Is it all going to truly hit home at a later date?

But as you say we can only go with the flow. I missed my Mum terribly yesterday and thought of her a lot, and tried to recall other memories from when we lived together, and it made me feel sad but also happy that we had that time.

I’m so sorry for your loss also Roni, I can’t imagine how it feels losing a partner - I think we all have different grief depending on the relationship we had with our loved one.

Thats what I think I’m getting - just a break from the sadness.

Ah thank you, she really was one of a kind. I’ll never know another woman like her.

Sending you lots of love Roni x

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