Feeling guilty

My grandad passed away 16.12.2015 and was in hospital from 26.11.2015. I went to visit him after about a week but then every other time I went, my family and me tended to just talk to each other as if Grandad was not there. He was aware of what we were saying but couldn’t answer back, however I now feel so guilty that I didn’t go to visit more on my own and didn’t try to talk directly to him. He must have felt so horrible with us visiting him and just talking to each other as if he wasn’t there :frowning:

Hello Gizmo25, There are many people who have visited their sick loved ones in hospital and talked amongst themselves but is not because they are not upset about what is happening, it is not because they don’t care or don’t love the person concerned because they do care, but when a relative is laying there unable to speak sometimes the visitors can start off discussing how their loved one is, what treatment has been given, when will they be coming home, pretty soon conversation turns to other things. The loved one is laying there listening but cannot take part in the conversation so they talk amongst themselves knowing that their loved one is also finding out what has been happening in their lives. How frustrating it must be for a person laying in bed to have someone talking directly to them and not being able to respond, i.e. ‘how are you’, no response, ‘what did the doctors say’, no response, but at least they can listen to what has been happening in their loved ones lives. It would be terrible if no-one visited them and they are laying in bed day in day out not knowing what is happening at home. But if the person in hospital can respond, can take part in the conversation and they are ignored by their family talking amongst themselves then that would be terrible, ignorant and unforgivable. I am sure your granddad would have made it known if he was upset by raising his hand, he would have been so happy knowing that people he loved had come to visit him and he had heard all the gossip even though he couldn’t take part. Don’t feel guilty, you went with your family to visit him even though you could not have a conversation with him, but he knew you were there and that is all that matters. Take care. Sheila