I don’t even know where to start to be honest so please bare with me.
25th April 2024 my whole world shattered. I’d first met Mark accidentally through a dating site and we instantly hit it off and then realised we lived more than 200 miles away from each other, it was such a blow but we remained friends and spoke daily for almost a year and we knew we had to meet for the first time face to face. We were so in love before we made eye contact. I don’t even know where to start to be honest so please bare with me.
25th April 2024 my whole world shattered. I’d first met Mark accidentally through a dating site and we instantly hit it off and then realised we lived more than 200 miles away from each other, it was such a blow but we remained friends and spoke daily for almost a year and we knew we had to meet for the first time face to face. We were so in love before we made eye contact.
So we decided to try the long distance thing and just couldn’t manage to find time for each other between family and work commitments it was impossible.we both said no matter what happened we’ll always be there for one and other. Finally we were planning on getting back together as a couple again and i travelled up to Rugby to stay with him following his tendon reconstruction surgery on his right arm… I arrived at the address in the evening on Tuesday 23rd April, we had a lovely night in and actually looked at the full moon together instead of just texting every month about it.
We got up from bed Wednesday morning but he just didn’t look well so i told him lay on my lap and I will massage his head he was snoring in no time but all of his whole stiffened but he was still asleep i had to physically wake him up to stop him locking up. He was later complaining about his left hand and said it’s painful to make a fist i run him a bath and I helped him wash and then i went to sort out food tîme by then a little after midnight, when he came down he said he was really tired so I told him to lay down and I will massage his head to help him with the pain but he was restless and sat on sofa to make a cigarette. He said babe i don’t feel well and I knew just catch him. I rang 999 and started cpr the operator stayed on the phone with me update me on the ambulance and how long it will be the paramedics arrived 27mins later and took over the cpr i was exhausted and soaked with sweat, then another team of paramedics arrived and they did everything they possibly could, but I had to call it and ask them to let him go they had been trying to save him for 49 minutes and that was after my 27 minutes of trying.I had to put him first and let him go with dignity. T,o,d 03.34am April 25th. I couldnt and didn’t save him despite my every single effort i failed and I can’t forgive myself for letting him and his family down
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Good morning @Kel41
So sorry for your loss 
Please try not to feel guilty, you did everything you could… When it’s time to go, it’s time to go.
Keep talking on here, people are supportive.
Try and be kind to yourself 
Sending hugs xx