Eleven weeks ago tomorrow I was sat at my wife’s bedside after she had passed,I was shouting “it should have been me”after all I am a couple of years older ex military and been in a few “situations” and women in general live longer than men I felt so guilty,only this week I met a very sage,wise lady who sat me down thrust a cup of tea in my hand and asked,did you truly love your wife I said with all my heart,she replied would you have wanted her to experience what you are going through now,it took me by surprise,although the heartache and pain are still enormous,the guilt has diminished,hope this helps someone.
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Thank you, I think I needed this! 
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Thank you so much Ron11. I am 12 weeks tomorrow and it has really helped me and put things in perspective xx
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Thank you.
The thought of my wife being left behind instead of me had entered my mind. I’m 8 weeks into this rollercoaster of emotions and has to be the worst pain I have experienced i wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
We both had this discussion before and like yourself I was convinced it would be me, that and the suddenness of her passing came as a devastating shock.
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I’m so glad it’s me going through this and not him I wouldn’t have ever wanted him to have to go through this nightmare.
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Hi Jay,I’ve only just been able to pull myself together to respond to posters,it took an awful lot to put my thoughts down on here,I have experienced serious physical pain in the past,it pales into insignificance compared to this,I am grateful for the 55 years we had together,try and stay strong.kind regards Ron.
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Hi Jody,thank you for your comment,I am glad I could offer some comfort big hugs Ron.
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Hi @Ron11
I am so glad that Roger is not having to face this. I really don’t think he would have coped.
I’m not really coping but I’m trying, for him. I promised him I would be ok.
Now I’ve got to do it. Not easy though.
Thankyou
Big hugs x
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HiLiro,I am convinced none of us are coping so you are not alone in that unfortunatley,I am sure Roger is watching over you and bursting with pride,many big hugs Ron.
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Thankyou so much for your kind words
I think we are all doing our best x
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My sentiments exactly Ron.
Bless you.
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Yeh its true … its hardest for those who are left behind 
they’re our of pain now bless their hearts … so sad this life is ! Its just crap ! At 63 i never thought it would be so damn hard ! God does life ever give you a bloody break ? Im starting to wonder ? My 83 year old mum is in hospital now and no idea if she will recover or not ? Its touch and go xx
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Yeh its a nightmare for sure in so many ways ! My husband said i would meet someone else bless him but i only wanted him really ! And 18 months on i not met anyone ! I have got a male friend but my god is he hard work … dont really know what to make of him at all half the time ? Why are men so bloody complicated ? Do you know @Ron11 ? Lol xx
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Hi Deb sorry to hear about your mum hope she pulls through,on the subject of your question I have no idea,a lot of men store their brains and emotions in an inappropriate place(if you get my drift)sometimes we complicate things that should be uncomplicated,my wife could read me as they say like a book,and I could her,I hope you find some peace,sending love to you and your mum.
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Yeh i get your drift !! Lol yeh he certainly complicates things that shouldnt be complicated ! That’s for bloody sure ! So true !!
And we were same, me and my husband - read each other like a book !!! I guess when u been married a long time its like that. Thanks for your good wishes for my mum ! xx
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Hi Ron11 it’s over 14 months since my husband passed we were together for 51 years and that wise lady is so right I have had a very long terrible journey to get myself to were I am at this moment and I couldn’t have let my husband go through this it’s been horrific shr certainly is wise
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Hi Wendy,the hell of it is I don’t know that lady from Eve I don’t even know her name,it was purely a chance meeting.
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Hi Ron11 it certainly was purely a chance meeting but so very true
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Hi Ron.
Wise words indeed! I’m sorry for your loss. Winnie the Pooh says, "How Lucky I Am To Have Something That Makes Saying Goodbye So Hard. ” I dont like Winnie the Poo tbh but I do like that quote.
Take care xx
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Thanks for this Ron, hadn’t really thought about it from this perspective before
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