A family member of mine has been put onto end of life, I am so scared of how I will cope with this as when I lost a grandparent 5 years ago I didn’t cope well. Death scares me and makes me feel so numb and I’m just unsure how to even feel about it:(
I’m so sorry to hear about your family member, @chllou345. Sometimes, not knowing what to expect or what is going to happen can make it feel all the more scary. We have some information on end-of-life care you might find helpful to read.
I’m just giving your thread a gentle bump - I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support 
Hi @chllou345
I’m so sorry to hear your going through this. You are not alone, a lot of people find death scary, we can’t imagine a world without our loved ones, & to be honest we wouldn’t want to. Spend as much time with your loved one as you, & look after yourself. Sending hugs of support.
To begin with death is the scariest thing we can experience as humans. Rightly so, as it is against our instincts which are to survive. Also we are only just re-learning how to speak about it. We tend to ignore the reality that it will happen to us all at some point, and to those we love. This is different from many other generations, to whom death was very familiar and not hidden in the way it is now.
I am also shocked as a person close to me being put on end of life care. This scares everyone in the family and we can share this feeling together.
Do you have someone in the family to speak to about it? Or a close friend.
The loss of a grandparent is often our first experience of death. We shouldn’t be expected to ‘cope well’ so I wonder what you mean by these words. Were you made to feel bad for how you reacted? There is no way to cope ‘well’ with grief, and all deaths and reactions to them are different to.
The feeling numb is normal and how I feel just now- our self-protection mechanisms kick in and numbness is one of those- we fear stong emotions in ourselves and in others and there is nothing stronger than grief so that numbness is natural too.
There is no right or wrong way to feel and putting a message here makes me think that you are looking for some support which you are maybe not getting elsewhere, or you are frightened of doing or saying the ‘wrong’ thing. I am pretty much in that place too.
I hope since you posted it you have begun to feel a bit better, and if not keep sharing your feelings, or lack of them. Take care.