feeling hopeless, since mum left me

Ever since my mum passed its just been really really difficult to move on. my head keeps replaying her final moments over and over again. I was her carer for pretty much half of her life but the last 3 years had taken a toll me as she was bedridden from stroke, suffered with dementia as well other complex needs. my life revolved around her nurses/carers at home and me doing her food/meds etc. everytime I go to her room now I see her things, I just get upset thats she’s not here and start crying.

her last days were not great as she had to go to the hospital and died the following day. The care she received at hospital was abysmal. i’m so angry at myself of not being able to see her health was deteriorating and had I made the decision for her to stay home she would of been well and got looked after properly than being ignored by the nurses in hospital.
I havent been able to sleep properly since she passed 6 months ago. i just feel alot of guilt, i never had chance to say goodbye or hug her which i always do. it seems so wrong living without her. I just want things to back the way they were when she was well and just being here with me. i feel dead now she has gone like i’m just living for the sake of living. i want to wake from the horrible nightmare already :disappointed:

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@mia4 , I can relate to you and understand everything what you are feeling, my mom passed away 6 months back too and unexpectedly one night when she was perfectly fine. It happened at 2 midnight and I couldn’t even say her goodbye, we celebrate our birthdays together you know. Ever since she gone I have been feeling the same way like you, crying continuously, having bad dreams, shaking, think it was my fault, I am just 26 and she couldn’t see any of my achievements, nor will get to see my wedding which she was always excited about and I have been dealing with ptsd. All I can say is you did everything you could, how many people care for their mom in this age. Mia she was the most proud of you trust me when I say this, I know the feeling of hopeless but I am sure she wouldn’t like seeing you this way.
If I can ask you to may be take a vacation, or join a yoga or meditation class or if you want see a counselor but she will tell you the same thing. Please Please take care, if you want I am always here to talk, this community helps me and you can even txt me on DM and I will be there, but take an action, a step into the future which your mom would love to see. I don’t mind if you want to txt me everyday as well, I want you to see and take that step

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I fully understand how you are feeling. I lost my Mum in February, she was my best friend as well as my Mum. She had a heart attack in October and contracted hospital acquired infections on top of this. She was treated abysmally at our A&E hospital by some (not all) staff. I am struggling to come to terms with understanding how the place that was meant to treat her and make her better actually made her worse. Makes it worse me being NHS staff, I feel very angry to the point I am about to start counselling.
I also play her final days & hours over in my head. I cry writing this but please know that you are not alone. I feel worse now than what I did when I first lost Mum. You’re not alone in your grief xx

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Oh what a beautiful kind reply Varum you have written x
Deborah x

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Thankyou for acknowledging, sometimes I write things which in turn helps me.
How are you doing Deborah?

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Hiya,
Thank you Varun.
I am plodding on but life will never be the same for me. I just take small steps each day and week and get through the weeks somehow.
Are you doing okish,?
Deborah

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