I am sorry to be always posting about doom and gloom, but life is pretty depressing right now.
I have no friends and it seems that everyone else is having a jolly time, going on holiday (more than once) and have cash to burn.
Instead, I work flat out, have no one to talk to or care about me, and the TV is the only company I have. If it weren’t for the very occasional trip to see a doctor, I would not have any human contact whatsoever.
Admittedly, I am a bit choosy about people I want to socialise with, but my recent experience tells me that people who can be real friends and accept you unconditionally are very rare indeed.
Money problems do not help the situation. I have also just found out that I have thyroid problems and two small adenomas on one of my adrenal glands, which go a long way to explain my tiredness and inability to lose weight.
Life is really rubbish right now and I cannot see it improving any time soon. I also feel very alone. Andrew was everything to me and I cannot see anyone ever taking his place.
Hi , I’m sorry you are feeling this way , but I do understand totally . I am lucky I have good family , but they aren’t my husband , the one person that loved me for me . All I seem to do is go to work , then watch TV . Or come on this site . Or sit and stare into space . I have no friends , me and hubby were always enough for each other . We just loved being together . I don’t know if it’s me not wanting to make a new life for myself , or I don’t know how to . I hope you manage to get your health issues under control . There’s nothing worse when we aren’t well , and no one to care for us . …you aren’t all doom and gloom . This site is a safe place to let all your thoughts and emotions out . I think it does help to be able to offload and to know we aren’t alone in the way we feel . Sending you a hug xtake carex
Thank you for your kind and supportive words, Broken2222.
My isolation is further compounded by the fact that I work from home. Don’t get me wrong, I do not miss commuting and I like being my own boss, but it makes things worse from a socialisation standpoint.
It is all well and good for people to say join this or that club or do this and that activity, but it all costs money that I do not have.
I am trying to keep my head above water right now and struggling.
What I find telling and disparaging is that my so-called friendly neighbours who knew Andrew for three decades cannot even be bothered to knock on my door to see if I am still alive.
What is wrong with humanity? I have just posted the same thought on Twitter. It will be interesting to see if I get any replies, but I am not holding my breath.
Throughout my life thus far, I have tried to help others as much as I can, sometimes too much and with little respect back. I was brought up by my grandmother to be caring and helpful, but these seem to be old-fashioned traits these days.
I feel for the world at large and for my own microcosm of it.
I think we can all sympathise. We’ve all lost someone and not something I’d wish on my worst enemy.
My wife and i moved to a seaside town two and a half years ago, but her condition deteriorated and i became her carer.
She died eight weeks ago and i am left on my own in a town that i dont know many people.
I promised Susan id get out and about and meet more people and thats what im trying to do.
I talk to everyone and have already made a couple of friends.
If i can do it, so can you. Im naturally on the quiet side and being part of a couple for 42 years, it doesnt come easy.
Susan was my world and despite being in constant pain, she worried about leaving me alone.
Ultimately, i feel like i am honouring my beautiful wife by carrying on and not letting grief beat me.
Im sorry you are unwell , as that makes things 100 times worse, but you have to start believing in yourself. Things will get better: they have to.
Right now, I am not at all sure they will, Plantman. I have too many problems to contend with and no one to help out.
I am not a loner but conversely I am also not a social butterfly. I am an only child and I think this has a bearing on my interactions with others.
And it is not that I have not tried. Believe me, I have. However, London being such a vast metropolis (even just the bit of London I live in) makes making friends more, not less difficult. It swallows people up. To quote one of my all time favourite song (Baker Street):
This city desert makes you feel so cold
It’s got so many people, but it’s got no soul
And it’s taken you so long
To find out you were wrong
When you thought it held everything
I would love to live by the seaside, in a small town. When Andrew was alive we talked about moving to Aldeburgh near the North Sea. We both loved Suffolk.
I have to sort my current situation out first and that may well take a few years.
It’s so sad but so true , we only have ourselves to rely on now our partners are not with us . That’s terrible about your neighbour , it costs nothing but a bit time for them to knock and ask how you are . I just think people are so wrapped up in their own lives to even thing of others . I hope I wasn’t like that in my happy life with my husband . You must feel really isolated , I have my work colleagues, but they do annoy me a lot , when they moan about their husbands and their lives . The need to walk in my shoes for a day , then they will think their lives are wonderful . All we can do is keep plodding on ,and hope things might get a little brighter for us one day . x
What strikes me as horrendous, and very bad for the future of humanity, is the total lack of empathy.
I may have been born on a Wednesday (child full of woe, according to the rhyme, what luck!) but I have not lost my sense of caring for others, which has also been my downfall at times.
As you say, people are so wrapped up in their lives that they forget that some day in the future the boot might be on the other foot (schadenfreude). Presumably, they will then expect us to understand and help.
What will be our response, I wonder?
I am turning into a right cynic and I do not like it one little bit.
Hey snap . I was also born on a Wednesday. But I have only been full of woe since my husband died ! . I’m sure we would probably be there for anyone who needed us . We now I think have more empathy , knowing how hard this life is now on our own . x
Sorry you’re feeling low. You mentioned that activities cost money, so I just wanted to mention a few that I know about or am involved in that don’t cost money:
Cinnamon Trust - a charity where you walk a dog for an elderly/immobile person, usually once a week. I’ve made some lifelong friends through doing that.
Litter picks - you can usually find local ones on Facebook.
Some of the groups of the MeetUp app are free to join, eg walking and hiking groups
Your local churches - ours has walking and crafting groups, for eg.
I’m sure there are more, but these are the first ones that spring to mind.
The Cinnamon Trust is out for me as they need three references. Sad to say this, but I cannot think of three people who would do that for me.
Book clubs would certainly fit with my love of books and I could do that from home, so I will look into that. I want to get back into reading rather than watching TV in my spare time. TV has so far served the role of company but it is not an ideal endeavour.
My biggest problem is finding the time to fit in any of the others at the moment. I work 12-hour days to keep on top of bills and I am shattered at the end of the day.
It is Hobson’s choice for me. If I take time out to get involved, I cannot work and earn money to pay the bills.
One other option, if I can do it remotely and can afford, is to learn (or re-learn) another language. I was pretty good in both German and French when I left high school, but learning a brand new (Scandinavian) language also appeals.
You mention languages - I’ve been learning Welsh online (in a class over Zoom) for a few years, now. It’s £90/year but in the summer/autumn they reduce the cost by 50%. It’s heavily subsidised by the Welsh government, you see. If you’re interested, you could Google ‘learn Welsh dysgu Cymraeg’. I live in England, and I’ve studied alongside people in America, New Zealand, Scotland and of course Wales.
It won’t help much with the socialising (though there is a connecting with others feature), but for learning languages I’ve recently discovered the app Duolingo. If you can stand commercials now and then it’s free and it’s actually rather fun. I use it as a distraction and they have Scandinavian languages. It could be a start until you can find a course or class where you can meet people.
But I hear you on the isolation. I feel very alone too and not wanting to socialise with just anyone doesn’t help. Also, sometimes being with others only increases the loneliness.
My life is like yours. So lonely. I have been like this for nearly 3 years and just wish I could feel better about the situation I am in. Will it ever improve, I can’t answer that one I’m afraid. By coming in here we can see we are not alone. Sending love xx
Hello there, it has been 4 years since my hubby died and I also find life without him sad and lonely. Sending hugs and love to you dear one, this site is full of understanding people so ignore the cold hearted and talk to us instead XXXX
