Hi new here today
Feeling all the feels as my first birthday and Christmas approach without mum who died in May suddenly and unexpectedly. I think I am grieving the hardship she endured in her life too she had many physical and emotional difficulties and it was only in the last year of her life did she have some peace and enjoyment in her life it just feels so cruel. I have 2 beautiful children and a great husband I am really lucky I know this. I just feel so tearful again I have been back at work since the summer just getting on with things but I feel like I am going backwards again. My main reason for posting is I just feel so let down by long term friends who I have been there for through tough times and checked in on but one specific person has not even sent me any messages since around June time and I just feel like there are a lot of people I did consider friends who have not even acknowledged her death aside from “that’s so sad” when I did a Facebook post following her passing to let people know. I just feel so let down and realise I mean so little to people I have helped.so much in the past. I think I am just feeling extra sensitive due to time of year and need to vent it out. I know I should just let people be I don’t want to beg for anyone’s time but what do people do in these situations do you just give up on these friendships? I do have people who care and reach out regular who I didn’t think were that close to me but they have really been gr at so this is a huge positive I should feel greatful not sad but I do
@Marieboms I can empathise with you completely…
I think many people just can’t relate unless they’ve experienced a similar, devastating loss. Plus, our society is not brilliant at talking about death and grief. It’s all a bit awkward, emotional territory! I have a similar situation with a friend who I always thought was very supportive. She has barely communicated with me since my Mum died suddenly in January. I’ve initiated any conversation and my situation is not mentioned by her at all. It makes me feel very sad about our friendship. I’m finding the approach of Xmas very emotional too. All we can do is keep on going, day by day, moving forwards. Best wishes xx
Thank you so much for sharing your experience this is really helpful for me to know I am not alone in the experience and sorry for your loss too. I wish you well through the month and hope that you get some comfort and support too x take care of yourself and take it bit at a time - sometimes it is an afternoon even hour at a time for me and this helps xxxxx
Thanks @Marieboms 
keep posting on here, especially as you endure the first birthday and approach of Xmas. I am now brooding on the ‘this time last year’ memories…xx
Hi there
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my lovely mum in February.
It is so hard, as we know that we would be there for friends during such devastating times of loss and grief. Like yourself I had a friend that I have been completely shocked in her lack of empathy. It has upset me so much that I am trying to distance myself from her. It is hard enough trying cope with the loss and grief without having other things to deal with, like selfish friends. For myself I have had to put a distance with that friendship as I feel so hurt. I dont know if this will be the write thing for you to do, but it might help whilst you are going through your loss. I find that focussing on the true long term friends and family really help me to put this relationship aside and focus on those who have been there for you.
Please do not berate yourself that you should be grateful about the people who do care, because they helping to shine the light on the inaction of your other friend. I think grief and loss, really put us in touch in right from wrong and if someone cannot be there unconditionally then they are not worth even thinking about.
Definitely a difficult time of the year and it does not help that the dark and cold nights and days are here. I am feeling this too.
Sending you a big hug
xx
Thanks so much for your kind message and the advice. Its so hard I have not messaged since I last did months ago and got a really unsympathetic message back. I just need to look forward like you said and focus on the people who do show they care. I am so sorry for the loss of your mum too ai hope you find comfort and have some joy in a difficult month too x
When I lost my sister and mum I found that people I wanted there hardly bothered I decided that not to Tex or phone them just to see if they would contact 3 years later still not heard from them i am still trying to heal and rebuild my body mind my new life I have learnt to walk away
Oh no I am so sorry to hear this, how awful. So unfair of these so called friends. It demonstrates that you are better off without them and they were never real friends. I find sometimes what has helped me when people have hurt me and there is unfinished business. I write letters and get everything out and down on paper. I dont post them but I find it helps heal. I hope in time you will be able heal and build a new life. Sending hugs x
@Madge1 thank you for your compassionate reply I am.sorry you have experienced the same thank you for the comforting words
@Shelly2 thank you so much for the advice and lovely words I will start writing it down I think to rid myself of the disappointment feelings. I just keep upsetting myself trying to understand why people behave like they do and I will never know this so need to stop. I am keeping busy with lots of things to get through and I hope you are able to too.
Aw thank you no worries, glad to be of help. Even writing in a journal each day may help with releasing some of the pain.
Thank you for your kind wishes
xx