Feeling like I didn’t do enough

My grandma passed away a couple of days ago from terminal cancer. I was alright at first, but suddenly I just can’t stop crying as I feel like I didn’t do enough or I didn’t love her enough. She was always their since I was born. I can’t seem to reflect on the good things but keep coming back to all the bad or mean things I have said. I can’t rlly talk to my mum as she is grieving more than me and my dad is helping her through it and my brother will probably just end up crying too. What can I do to feel better?

Oh Rosie this made me cry. It’s only been two days so of course you’re not ok. Grief is such a terrible thing and it plays awful tricks on our mind so often blanking out all the good things and just leaving terrible guilt. Your grandma was obviously a big part of your life and I’m sure she knew how much you loved her. Relationships aren’t perfect in my experience, and we’ve all said things we wish we hadn’t but that doesn’t mean that love wasn’t there. I really don’t know what will make you feel better as grief is such an individual experience but for me, crying and letting the hurt out helped a little bit. I lost my mum 4 months ago and I still cry every day but I find talking about her with my husband and sister and family really makes me feel comforted. I’m sure your mum doesn’t want you to bottle things up and feel like you can’t talk to her. You’ve found this forum and that’s a brilliant start - you’ll find lots of support on here. Just take one day at a time and be kind to yourself. I’m thinking of you and sending best wishes. Take care xxx

Thank you!

Ah Rosie I’m so sorry. Your Grandma knew you loved her very much, you mustn’t feel like you didn’t do enough. I hope the memories you have of her will give you comfort. It must be very hard for you, sending you a big hug. Your mum will want to comfort you, don’t feel you can’t go to her. It will help if you go and give her a cuddle and cry together. Perhaps make a memory jar. Each write down memories of your grandma on paper, and then put them in the jar and when the time is right, look at them together and remember the happy times. Forgive yourself for the negative things, everyone says things they don’t mean in every family. Take care, I hope you feel better soon xx