Feeling like it wasn’t real?

I’ve often had these feelings, regardless of my Mum passing away…

Once something happens… and then time passes… it feels as though it never even happened?

I’ve been tearful today after losing mum two months ago, I’ve been back at work on a phased return for three days…. And life feels strange.

Shes gone. She’s not on the end of the phone anymore or sitting at home watching a documentary about Ancient Greece. She’s gone… it doesn’t feel real.

I’ve been looking at photos and texts around the time Mum passed to remind myself that it all actually happened.

Its such a strange feeling.

Does anyone else have this?


I often feel like I’m living in an alternate reality where the last few months were all a dream and didn’t happen, and my husband will just walk back through the door.
I suppose it’s just our brain trying to adapt to all that has changed and the gravity of our sorrow and grief. It’s often too much to handle at one time.
I also find I have times when I feel no emotions at all, but then it just comes cascading back and I feel completely out of control. All these feelings and thoughts are all normal within what is happening and happened to us and our loved ones.
Hopefully in time we can manage to process it all and slowly piece things back together.
Sending strength and hugs :hugs:


Exactly that. An alternate reality.

I’m having trouble sometimes talking about normal things as they feel so trivial. How can they compare to my pain?

And then I feel like a complete drama queen and try and move on from it, haha!


@ColdWaterMermaid youre not a drama Queen, anyone who has lost someone will tell you that. I’m 18months into my journey and I’m only now starting to see the wood for the trees. But every now and again something will remind me of mum and I feel like I’m back at the starting line again. My mum ised to watch Vera on TV, everytime I see that, I think of mum. Im hoping one day instead of feeling sad I will smile, knowing that she used to shush me when it was on and wait till a break to make a cup of tea.
Hope the journey isnt too rough, but definitely chat in here. Helps me immensely.


I wrote a message to someone who hadn’t heard about my husband. I looked at what I had written. I questioned whether I was telling the truth. I asked myself if it had really happened. This was about 11 weeks after he had passed.


It’s so strange isn’t it.

I’ve gone back to work and I’m saying the words out loud; “my Mum passed away.”

And it doesn’t feel like I’m the person saying the words.

I don’t know if it’ll ever feel real. But we have to keep going. For our loved ones :slight_smile:


Yes I know exactly what you mean. It does not feel real.I thought it would never happen.
And she would be forever by my side. Its just surreal xxx


Thank you. So helpful


I lost my Mum just 2 weeks ago and although I was distraught at the time it happened, I haven’t cried much since - I’m not even sure I’m feeling anything right now which just doesn’t feel normal. I really understand when you say it doesn’t feel real.

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It’s absolutely normal to feel nothing at all. It’s your minds way of protecting yourself from dealing with such great loss.
In time it will start to seep in and there will be pain and distress, but everyone deals with it differently and you might have no control over that.
Just try and accept how it comes and get support from other when you need it.
This site is a good help for when things are difficult. Xx


I posted something similar, for me it was when trying to do normal stuff like shopping. It all just felt so strange. Firstly I wonder if people can tell because I’m still in the early days and look rough as anything still, and then I feel like I’m detached somehow like I’m watching everyone being normal and I won’t feel normal again… I queued up the vote the other day and I just felt so out of place


Completely understand and I feel the same xx


À few days after losing my dad I broke the news to my friend, and I had this strong sense that I was lying. Why was I lying. What is wrong with me. Why would I lie about something so serious.

I wish it had been a lie :broken_heart:


I feel like this quite a bit. Or like I’m talking about someone else… almost an out of body experience. The words don’t sound like mine.


I am really trying to move forward with my life but finding it so hard. Like you all say when I think about what happened it doesn’t feel real. My life now doesn’t feel real. How can one’s life change so dramatically in an instant. The life once loved and now can’t bear. Sending hugs to all.X


Hello there coldwatermernaid.

I understand what you mean as well. I lost my Husband and more recently my Mum. I also sometimes think there are “two of me”. I’m here, leading this life and the “original” me is still living my other life I was used to, but somewhere else. It’s another one of those things related to grieving that you can only know through experience and not imagination. I think there is always an element of it present, but I think the mind seems to become acclimatized to it over time.

Sending warmest regards to you.