My husband passed away 4 weeks ago today. I cared for him at home for the last 2 weeks of his life following 3 weeks in hospital. There was nothing that anyone could have done to save him. It happened so suddenly that I’m finding it hard to accept that he’s no longer sitting here beside me and miss him so much. We had been married for 45 years and he was always my rock. I’m finding my grief comes in waves, one minute I feel as if I can go somewhere or do something, then the next I’m in flood of tears. I have two friends who have lost their husbands so think they understand how I’m struggling but they can’t be with me 24/7.
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Jumper So sorry for your loss, I lost my wife in November, and all of us here really understand what you are going through. What you say is just how I and others feel, and what we experience. Let the tears flow - I’ve at least learned that’s going to happen. Your friends will understand, and although they can’t support you all the time, you are all going through this together. We’re all here to listen, help, share and just talk about our experiences. I’ve found it really helpful - brings me to tears sometimes, but helpful all the same. Hugs and love M xxx
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I’m finding it does help reading other people’s comments and knowing I’m not alone. Sometimes I feel that no one I speak to actually understands the heartbreak and loneliness unless they have experienced it themselves. It’s having to sort everything out at the same time as grieving doesn’t help.
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Jumper - 100% agree. Only partners fully understand. My brother and sister in law lost a child to suicide. They’ve never spoken about it with me until now. They said it affected her husband far more than themselves as she wasn’t living with them 24/7.
I’m currently at Mary’s grave and have to get myself together to be able to drive home! God it’s so hard! 
M xx
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Hi there i am so sorry for your loss, i too lost my partner back in October after many years of illness and i was her 24/7 carer. I too break down every day in tears and still talk to her as if she were here. I have started keeping a journal in which i write every day to her to tell her how i feel and what im doing, i also write about our memories over the years, places we have visited, life events we shared etc. Ive also got two pictures of her and me on a table in front of me where i light a candle ever day. I have also put together a few photo albums which shows our life over the years from when we met, this has helped me by bringing some comfort. I wish you strength to get through these hard times
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Hi i lost my husband 6 weeks ago to cancer, we only had 4 weeks together after the diagnosis, we were together for 22 years, he was my everything, this xmas and new year has been very hard for me and i didn’t celebrate, im struggling to cope without him, i miss him every day and just want to be with him
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Hi thank you. Writing a journal is something that I had thought about but not started. Maybe I should. Christmas Day was extremely hard for me as my 4 year old granddaughter kept calling my son grandad as he looks so like him. I’ve always thought that I was a strong person and could cope with anything thrown at me, but losing him I’ve realised I’m not strong at all.
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Hi.I’m struggling to. I just want to turn the clocks back. I wasn’t ready for him to go so quickly. I had a stroke 3 years ago and my memory isn’t as good as it was so if I struggled with names of things or places I just had to look at him and he would know what I was trying to say. No one to help me now.
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Jumper we’re all suffering in different ways but losing our lifelong parter is on another level. Hold in there - I’m confident it will get better.
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Jumper I am so sorry for your loss, you have joined the right group and hope you find the comfort I have found on this forum, it really does help to talk to people who are going through similar to yourself, we all know what it is like so early in the grieving process, I hope you will be helped along this road we are all on, take care of yourself, sending you a virtual hug xxx
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I am so sorry to read your post. Like you, I cared for my husband at home, his wish and mine. Also like you, on some days I wake up and think I feel strong and that I can face society but then I wet someone and dissolve into tears.
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My husband died last year. He became ill and died within an hour. We had been married for 51 years and together for 54.
I know how you feel, I miss him every day. I am told that it will get easier; I don’t know when. Keep his memory as a treasure in your heart. Cry when you need to, find comfort in family and good friends. You are not alone. Sue.
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Hi Jumper
I know exactly how you feel i lost my husband 8 months ago very suddenly he died 3 weeks after he was diagnosed with secondary cancer of the liver he was supposed to have,a biopsy to try and find the original site where the cancer was .He had been under the hospital for years for his kidneys and stomach problems. Heartbroken we had just celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary i have good and bad days .Have got a lot of good memories of our life together we had a Motorhome and had been to Spain for 6 weeks the year before all though he had health issues it was his dream holiday. I wish you well and take each day at a time.
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Hi jumper - I’ve just read a book book called ‘It’s OK to not be OK’ by Meghan Devine which I had found helpful. Also writing a journal when I’m feeling v lonely. Keep crying it shows just how much you loved you husband.
xx
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Hello Jumper.
My wife died just 46 days ago as I write and it is so hard to cope after sharing our life together for 36 years. One thing I have taken on board is that there is no hurry to do anything. Seeing the Registrar is the only thing with a short time limit but everything else can wait. The Tell me Once service sorts out the Government. I have started the process of notifying the banks etc but only do one per day and not every day, that would be too much.
Two more things I have learnt just yesterday. Firstly help is out there, this forum is a good start, the problem is you have to go looking for it especially early on. Sign up for anything and everything you can, if something doesn’t work out you can always drop it and concentrate on those things that do work for you.
Secondly you will get lots of offers of help, call anytime they will say, just drop round for a cuppa and a chat. If you are like me you may find this impossible. I can respond to a specific invitation for a single time but I am not close enough to just drop in on somebody. They have their own lives and being a burden isn’t in my nature. Tell people if this is how you are. Ask them to extend invitations for specific time and take them up.
It’s so hard to lose the keystone from your life, I feel my life is collapsing and I would suppose you don’t feel much different.
I guess we will all find out if time helps and if we can manage the one day at a time. I sincerely hope we do and that you can find the help you need close at hand.
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Thank you for all of the suggestions. I have support from my family so they are helping me with any issues I have had with regards to paperwork etc. I think I’m on top of everything now thank goodness other than one insurance policy and waiting for letter from the bank. I try and go out most days but the weather certainly hasn’t helped these last few days. Just a walk to the local shop is sometimes enough to break the long day up. Speaking to family on the phone every day also helps. I’m also finding that if I do a job and then have a coffee (and a biscuit or three!) and then do another job it also helps.
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Hi Jumper, sorry for your loss, I lost my husband end of September he was diagnosed with MND December 2022, although we both knew what the outcome would finally be we thought we had more time than we did have, Christmas was the same for me, my sister had me out Christmas Day for the meal, but the rest of the time I was alone with my lovely chocolate Labrador who is missing him also, sending my best to you.