Feeling lonely even with lots of family around me

My name is Lesley, my husband passed away 3 weeks ago. It was totally unexpected. My husband was fit and healthy, or so we thought. We have been together for 38 years and married for 30 years. We have 3 lovely children, I couldn’t have gotten through this without the kids, they have been amazing. How do we come to terms with this ?

Hello Lesley, I’m in a similar situation lost my partner suddenly with no warning 16weeks ago. I wish I could help you, I have a supportive family and “keep being told to come to terms with what’s happened” How can I ? Our life together was all I wanted the future was really good. Now each day is a pointless nightmare. I’m sorry I can’t be more positive. I think other people can come to terms with this.My neighbour has a full and busy life again and says shes happy again. I guess we’re all different.
Take care J x

It’s hard to believe that life will be good again, but I am hopeful. I have 3 brilliant kids and I owe it to them to try.

Hello Lesleym
I am so sorry for your loss,i understand the pain of it all,i lost my husband suddenly 14 weeks ago,we were married for 35 years,and have 3 lovely daughters ,who have been of great support ,like yours.I wish I had the answers for you,but like many on here,we are on a sad journey each day of grief,and trying to find our way of coping with it,i have found I can only think one day at a time,i have felt every emotion with this,anger,annoyed,sadness,i have been reading grief books,to try somehow to find some help,you will find your own ways to cope each day that helps you ,just be kind to yourself ,and look after you,i didn’t eat properly for weeks,only just starting to eat a little more,but I lost a stone in weight so realised I had to start looking after myself better,my sleep is poor,so I find resting through the day helps if you can ,you need your strength to stay strong through grief.This site helps you to know you are not on your own,and reading the posts helps,Take care and don’t be hard on yourself or push yourself,just take one step at a a time,and let your lovely children help you through.My personal feeling is that our loved ones are always with us,as love never dies.

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Thank you Robina for your reply, it does help to read the replies. I feel very lucky to have my children, we are grieving together. We are going hour by hour.

Hello Lesleym. Please accept my really sincere condolences. My husband passed away 16 months ago very suddenly and unexpectedly in front of me and I have been suffering PTSD. I hope you have a good support network around you. They will love you and keep you close and above all keep your husband alive with talking about him constantly. The earliest days I found the “necessary” ones. Then the coming to realise what happened and then the realisation of what life is to be. You and your family can carve out a future still involving your husbands memory, never leaving him behind and carrying him with you as a precious gift. I wish you love and comfort at this very sad time. I know the loneliness it can bring. I am so sorry for your sadness.

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Hi Lesley I know how you feel I lost my Clive 7 months ago we had been together 13 years,he died suddenly I was with him,1 minute he was ok and a few minutes later he was gone,he was a big strong man,the sudden shock of it all,couldn’t eat sleep,couldt even go to bed slept on The sofa,I’ve just started to go to bed now,I visit the churchyard every day to speak to him,I know it’s sounds stupid it’s the only way I am coping,we were always together,my soul mate,it does get easier,we all cope in different ways,I take each day as it comes, big hug penne

Hi Lesley

Firstly I am so sorry that for your loss. I lost my husband in September ,we were on a cruise and he died on the ship. I now know what the word “heart broken” really means. We were married for 45 years. My husband had heart problems and we knew he was not in a good way but we lived with that knowledge and that I may end up on my own but it’s still a shock For you it must have been horrific how devastating. I have. two adult sons with their own families and they are still reeling, they miss me their dad very much.

The only thing I can say is look after yourself, try to rest if you feel tired, eat when you want. I found myself doing things in the routine WE always had. I don’t know how I’ve got to here, the months have gone by in a blurr. I just take one day at at time,I know he’s not coming back and I know I have to get on with my life on my own now . Everyone is different but I try to find just one thing in a day to smile about even if it’s just something on TV , yes the future looks foggy and the pain will never go away but hopefully we will all learn to cope and that’s all we can do. We had a lot of laughter in our marriage and I miss that, I hate being sad… This forum has helped me very much and has made me realise that we are not on our own with our thoughts, so please be kind to yourself, your husband would not want you to sink.

Love Jxx

Hi Lesley
I am so very sorry to hear of your loss.
I lost my husband unexpectedly 18 weeks ago, he was ill and in hospital but had been in and out of hospital before.
I go through horrible days of mixed emotions, most days I don’t see anyone. Haven’t seen my sister since May 2nd, she is worried about bringing her dogs in this heat. She lives some distance away. Loneliness and emptiness are overwhelming at times. We were married 34 yrs, miss him so much.
My heart goes out to you in your loss, sorry I don’t have the answers but can’t find them myself. It’s very hard trying to adapt to a different way of life alone. I never did like being so alone.
It is a daily struggle.
I do have 3 sons but they live their own lives, they do visit occasionally.
Look after yourself.
Love, Pegi x

Hi Lesley ,

Firstly,I am so very sorry that you have this life-changing situation to cope with ,but I’m really glad you have such supportive children.(sadly ,I don’t have a family,but my wonderful parents were fantastic when I needed it)

I lost my husband 15 years ago at the age of 40 ,having, like you ,had an incredibly close and lovely relationship with him.I really struggled for a long time ,but as the Queen Mother once said 'you get better at it '-one never forgets and there are steps forward and back ,but gradually you start to realise that life still has joy and is precious.The advice to take a day at a time is the only thing which I found really helps -I regularly practice Buddhist mindfulness,and have found this really beneficial since also losing my beautiful Mum (and the last member of my close family) in January :I also try to rest and eat well .I now barely remember my John’s illness ,but in the front of my mind is all the happiness and fun we had -much more than many people have in a lifetime (I think about the acrimonious divorce of my best friend ,whose husband still enjoys trying to spoil her life).

I 'm sending massive hugs and much love to you and your family ,
Helen xx

Hello Lesley…I’ve read through some of the replies you have had…and everyone seems to express themselves better than I can…It has just been the year anniversary of my husbands sudden death…like your husband totally unexpected…we were driving back from France…the events still replay like a nightmare most nights and often during the day too…I have come through the last year doing what I thought my husband would want me to do…and that is the one thing that has got me through…that and my son…it is not an easy ride…but we will get there, and although we feel so very alone…it is amazing how many people are in the same situation. Lots of love…Chris xx

Hi Lesley, So sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in July last year. Not come to terms yet & don’t think ever will. Our 50th Wedding Anniversary is in August. Dreading it. Not a day goes by wen I don’t collapse in tears still. Sorry can’t be more positive. How I wish I could. I knew I was losing my husband to cancer. My daughters have been been great but have their own lives. I miss him beyond belief. Every second of every minute of every day. I listen to music we both loved. Break down all the time. I wish it would get betr but I wake up & think … oh god another day to get thru on my own. Hope u “come to terms ASAP Lesley but don’t feel bad if u don’t. We r all so different. God bless. God luck. Thought t with u. Xx Mo

Hi,
I am truly sorry for your loss. Grief can be the loneliest place on earth… I’ve been in a room FULL of people who truly care and still felt like the only person on earth who felt this way. Sometimes I still do! I have taken up painting garden furniture and memorials, in my sisters memory. I also write journal. Trying to keep busy is the best I believe I can do. This support group is also a great help, it truly is. XX

Thank you so much for your reply

My husband died suddenly 6 months ago on Christmas day, then my mum died 4 weeks later. I have found myself a part time job and it does help to focus on something other than my loss. I am finding that I am learning to live with it rather than trying to get over it. You are in the worst part right now. All of the organising, paperwork bills and funeral arrangements wear you down at a time that you just don’t want to face any of it. But it does start to get better as time goes on. I wish you well and you will be amazed at how strong you can be. Be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time. X

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Hi Kess,
Thank you so much for your reply, it’s the most positive thing I have read so far. You have given me hope, so thank you again.

Lesley

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Hi I’m Anne. I lost my husband of 52 years 6 months ago. I seem to be on a roller coaster. I have 3 daughters, 7 older grandchildren and a new addition last year. I am surrounded by love and support and often feel guilty that some are a lost worse than me and I should be grateful but they are not Brian and I cant deal with being me and not us. I and not we. and not having him to share everything that happens. I truly thought that although we had both suffered poor health we would get better and get to out diamond anniversary. Am I being selfish?

Hi Anne Mary,
No you are definitely not being selfish, your feelings are as a result of the circumstances we are in. I feel exactly the same, I have 3 wonderful children and a great family around me, but I would still trade it to be back with my husband. I would give anything to have my old life back, me Richard and our kids. I would give everything else up for that.
So your not alone in your feelings

Best wishes to you and everyone else

Lesley xxx

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