Hi. My partner died mid February of brain cancer. He was diagnosed in November after a seizure mid October and did not respond to chemo and radiotherapy. We knew he was going to die but we hoped he would have had a few months longer. I know he is dead but I still can’t get my head round it. I feel sick - as if my insides have been hollowed out. I am trying to keep busy and I am lucky to have a lot of friends and family around to support me but sometimes only he will do and obviously he is not here. During those times I feel so lonely and bereft. What do other people do when they feel like that?
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My partner was 55 was diagnosed with brain cancer in September passed on 2nd December. I still can’t believe he’s gone. My life will never be the same again 
I’ve gone back to work so it is giving me a reason to wake up and get dressed but I’m truly lost x
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Sorry you are going through it too. My partner was 56 so a similar age to your partner. It is so dreadfully sad, isn’t it? I am working too but I am not very interested - I am going through the motions in a job I used to love but now have little enthusiasm for.
It’s only a month since he died, it’s incredibly early in the grieving process, and we can expect nothing less than being in a chaotic state.
What can we do? The only thing I could do is hang on (by my fingertips at times,!). Let the grief, heartache and tears come, and handle them the best you can. If you face them, bit by bit, the chaos sorts itself out and you can start to develop your new life. You probably can’t see what it’s going to be like, but it will start to come - promise!
I found other people a blessing, but at the same time I needed to manage them. I was very lucky in having a wonderful set of people on my side. I found that if they wanted to just keep me company to stop me getting upset, it had a negative effect. All I wanted was to know they cared, by just giving me a ring to ask if I was ok, or just sharing a cuppa and biccy. They all understood that I had to have time on my own to work through it.
I had to be careful of being in a crowd of people I didn’t know very well (eg a party) where I needed to make small talk. This usually created severe sadness, loneliness, and anxiety, and I had to run away. It’s a common thing this “lonely in a crowd” during grief, and people understand this if you tell them. That’s not strictly true, because I had a friend who turned on me because of this. Note the tense “had”, nobody needs that kind of person as a friend.
Do strengthen those fingernails, as your life will improve. The more positive you can be, the sooner and better your recovery will be. I’ve been alone almost 2 years, and it was about 15 or 18 months before I became reasonably happy with my new life. Don’t forget 2 months is probably as bad as.it gets, because you’ve had all the practicalities of your situation to sort out.
Keep strong.
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Losing a loved one is a very different form of loneliness to the one people associate to being alone. This is all about wanting to - but not being able to be with one very special person, not people in general.
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Exactly the same as me if I could afford to retire I would walk out tomorrow. I’ve been there for 20 years x
Thank you. That is really helpful. I very much appreciate you replying to my post
Oddly enough I cling to work as my one remaining ‘normal’. Every other facet of my life has imploded. If work wasn’t there, I genuinely dread where I’d be.
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My husband died 9th February, so completely understand where you are coming from. I still struggle to accept that he has died, mainly because I don’t think he should have. He was 43. I describe it as having bad days and worse days. And feel like the biggest part of who I am died with him.
I too have been so fortunate to have great support in terms of family and friends, and lots of offers of walks, coffee etc which has been great. But at times has also been overwhelming and too much (went out for breakfast this week with some friends and was anxious the whole time). But I also sometimes just need time on my own so that I can just cry.
As others say, I feel like I’m just going through the motions of living but feeling disconnected from everything. I am going back to work after Easter weekend to try for some “normality”
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