9 weeks since Steve passed and this mornning I feel do lonely. Mornings are always the worst. Was going to go to the supermarket but not
Sure if I can b bothered to de- ice my car. Steve always did that. Our 6th wedding anniversary in December not sure how I get through December.
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Yes I feel lonely and can’t be bothered to de ice deep freeze again. I am struggling to get motivated. I have half an hour to finish getting ready to get out. I keep getting side tracked. Suddenly remember must out dustbins out or they will be there two more weeks. So do that. He always did that and I often forget. I just put a bag of garden dead flowers in the bin and ought to sort out more cartons for blue bin. But not in the mood so it is half full. I am wearing his new M and charcoal grey sweat top with my jogging pants with a maroon long cardigan on top as it is cold. Cleaned my shoes as decided they look too bad otherwise. I did find my Xmas jumper which was useful. Takes me so long to get out.
Glasses, and all things I need. The times I have to go back for something vital.
So absent minded. We used to find each others glasses. Now it is all on me. Seems awful to just miss him for what he did but it is true. Folk say horrid things like I should be over it as it is a year now but I am not. In fact I think I had to do more at first as no choice. No one else was going to do it all. Not like when my mum was left I did it for her. She just left it to me so she was able to get back into things quicker. And she was four years younger. But it doesn’t change anything. I end up feeling closer to my mum after all these years. I wasn’t at the time but she used to tell me I would and I do. I think she did ok really. She has been gone 27 years. But she didn’t have such a bad time on her own really.
No, i was there for my mum every step of the way from 1988 until her death in 2014. Me I am on own. No children and any family all older. Steve was 75 me 59 and both the youngest in our families. Xx sometimes I reallt hate life.
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Sending big hugs & strength x
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