Hi I lost my husband 11 week ago and I’m struggling I feel lonely and lost and don’t know what to do with myself
My son and his girlfriend have just welcomed their child last week they also live with me and I’m struggling with stupid thoughts feeling left out etc
I don’t want to say anything to them as I feel I will push them away
They know something is wrong but I am frightened to say something
Can anyone help or advise if they have gone through this
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Hi smithsj
I am 12 weeks in today. I think what you are feeling is completely normal. I know I have those feelings too from time to time. Also you are probably hyper sensitive at the moment so don’t want to say the wrong thing. I used to be confident and resilient but now I read into things that aren’t actually there. I’d never have done that before.
It’s very early days for us and everything is raw. We are probably still in shock. I also like to have some quiet time on my own to reflect and try and make sense of things. I guess that won’t happen with a new baby around. They are probably stressed too.
Please keep posting. Everyone understands and no one judges. You are not alone when you are on this site and you are supported and listened to. Sending love and strength xx
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Thank you Jody that means so much to me and made me cry (yet again)
I’m so sorry for ur loss I was married to Rob for 27 year and love(d) him so much and miss him like crazy
We did everything together I don’t really have any friends to turn to it was just me and him
I have my family but they have their own lives to get on with and I feel like I am a burden wen I ring them crying etc
I still don’t know what caused his death yet as we are waiting on the coroner results that has been 10 weeks and still heard nothing
That is playing majorly on my mind too
Xxxx
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I know exactly how you feel. We were so close too and always said ‘ it’s me and you against the world.’ In fact we loved lockdown when it was just the two of us.
This site is where you can come and get things off your chest. Nobody minds; we are all crying at some point in the day and grief is exhausting.
I also know what it’s like waiting for coroners results too. Your mind is in overdrive but at the same time whatever the outcome, it’s not going to change your nightmare situation.
Also if you remember what is was like when your son was born then they are in that same situation now - overwhelmed with panic and responsibility. And they are grieving too and trying to support you. I expect they are finding you a calming influence knowing that you are on hand with all your baby experience.
Just take things hour by hour and only do what you want to do. You are doing better than you’ll ever know xx
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Hi Jody
It doesn’t feel like it
I feel so guilty and selfish for having these thoughts and stuck in a rut not knowing how to deal with it
I don’t want to lose them but I feel like I may push them away
When my grandson was born I thought it would help me but currently my mind is playing havoc with me
I want to be able to enjoy him but my grief is getting in the way
I miss Robert so much and the thought of never been able to do anything with him again kills me
I am so sorry I am rambling on and I don’t even think I make sense !
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You are not rambling but that’s how your mind is at the moment. Millions of random thoughts whizzing around and nothing making any sense.
Guilt seems to be a huge part of grief and there’s no way set way for dealing with what’s been thrown at us. Everybody is different.
I completely get why you don’t want to ring friends and end up crying ( they don’t know what to say) that’s why this site is good. It’s been a lifeline for me xx
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