Feeling lonely

I lost my husband 3 weeks ago to throat cancer, he was only diagnosed 6weeks ago, I just feel totally lost without him we did everything together including looking after my mum 86 with dementia, at this moment in time I don’t know if I can get through this the worst times are when I’m on my own how do you cope

Hi Liz
So sorry to hear your sad news.
I lost my husband on 27th January . I have no family at all and live on my own.
Like you I felt lost and still do! I feel so lonely all the time. I have good friends but still feel very alone all the time.
I have been quite ill since Mike died with anxiety, sickness everything you cane think of. I lost over 2 stone in weight dont eat properly or sleep.
Keep messaging on this web site as I dont know what I would have done without it!
It is so comforting to know other people are out there. When you feel low or down just message and I will answer and others will too. There are lots of us here who feel so alone and low like you. You have a hard time ahead of you re the funeral etc. We have been there so if I can help in any way just ask,
Take good care here anytime. My thoughts are with you at this very sad time for you. xxx

Yes Liz. I am so sorry for your loss. There is no pain like this and all the platitudes in the world don’t help.
It’s true, you could not be in a better place. You will have realized by now the sympathy you will get. Sympathy is fine, but empathy is so much different. We can enter into your suffering, others’ who have little experience of this pain find it difficult.
To be honest I had no idea. I have lost relatives, yes, but it always seemed a bit distant. But this pain is entirely different.
My wife had dementia before she died and it’s a soul destroying disease. Once again, unless you know what it’s like how can anyone understand.
Whatever I say at this moment may sound hollow to you. 3 weeks is so little time.
You may find that once all the paperwork is done and the funeral over things do ease a little. Just a little. But nothing in bereavement is cast in stone.
Everyone copes in their own way. If you can accept the emotions and pain as normal in the circumstances then it may help. Bereavement emotions are there to relieve stress, so try and go along with them for the moment.
Have you seen your GP? They can often point you in the right direction for help.
It may help later if you look for some counselling, but perhaps it’s too soon yet.
Take care. Everyone here knows, so you are far from alone at this dreadful time.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news Liz, but it gets worse before it gets better. Three weeks is no time at all.
My soulmate passed away on April 1st, she too only got six weeks from a cancer diagnosis to dying of sepsis. I’ve had days recently when I’ve felt worse than I ever did at the beginning. If I have a better day it usually ends with feelings of guilt because she wasn’t with me to share it.
Grief is a rollercoaster of emotions, up days, rock bottom days where you feel like ending it all, and in betweens.
At almost 64 years old I’m trying to find a job so that occupies a lot of my time, in the spaces I’m doing things I would have laughed at a year ago if anyone had said it. On Wednesday I went to a singalong session at the local church in order to have some company. If you heard me sing you’d know why it was a joke. I have been attending church regularly and pop in most mornings for a quick prayer. Another church member asked me to come to the group and told me it was for fun, my singing voice didn’t matter. I went and enjoyed it, even though I was probably the youngest in attendance.
We do things to help us get through each day and take it one day at a time.
I have found this site a great source of support, reading how others feel who are in the same boat and expressing my own feelings helps to get it out and let’s us know we aren’t alone. We don’t always agree on everything but only those who have been through it fully understand the emotions.
Keep posting and know you aren’t fully alone, the people we love continue to live on in our hearts as long as we do.
Prayers and good thoughts, Carl.

Hi everyone thank you for your kind messages of support, I wish you all well and hope we can all come through this horrible time together. It’s good to know that other people are feeling the same and on this site helping each other get through this. I know it’s early for me and I’m just trying to fill my days keep looking for him and he’s not here, feeling guilty and scared of starting a new chapter in my life. I have a good circle of friends but don’t want to keep bothering them as all I want to do is talk about him and have this over powering feeling that I just want to be with him but can’t they have there own life’s to live and can’t be with me 24/7 thank you once again it nice to know people are here going through the same as me to talk to when needed. You all take care x

Hiya thank you for your reply I really don’t know what to say to make it better I just hope and pray that in time we can get through this,I could say you need to take care of yourself but I know how I feel when people say that to me, I just know that Ally wouldn’t want this for me and he didn’t leave me through choice and I’m sure mike would be the same you take care of yourself x

Hi Liz, you’re looking for him and he’s not there, stop looking and you’ll know he is.
I know my sweet, beautiful Rhonda lives in my heart, I know her soul is watching over me in heaven. I thought it odd I never dreamed about the woman I loved and trusted with my life, until I realised that she was part of me and always with me.
When I’ve been at my lowest points my angel and God have sent signs only she could know to bring me back up. God gives us what we need, not what we want. Stop looking and you’ll spot the signs. Our loved ones continue to live in us, they are guiding and protecting us until our time comes to join them.
Prayers, Carl.

Yes we are all feeling like you. Dont forget we are here for you if you feel down or low just message and someone will answer. Be strong if you can xxx

Thanks Carl 1956
I know it’s early days and I know your right that he’s still here with me and pushing me along I know it’s the same for you I have to say this site has been a god send your in my thoughts