I agree she was and in such early days ! My niece got married 4 months after i lost my husband …cancelled it 
couldnt.face all those people xx
So much pain and suffering for us all and often made worse by the people who are meant to be there for us.
It just adds to the sadness , but I was listening to ( yet another ) grief podcast which was exploring how only we can decide / control how people make us feel emotionally and we can learn to control that. I haven’t got to the “how to” yet but it’s something I’m gonna listen to a bit more.
I just feel disappointed as well a lot of the time in my family.
On a plus my friend messaged me and I met her for a coffee this evening and offloaded all my worries onto her. ( She truly is an angel) And I feel much better for doing so - tinged with some sadness as normally I would walk the dog after dinner with my husband and offload to him if I needed to.
At the moment even the positives have a sad side but I feel more hopeful tonight.
Being on here we can all help one another - especially on the bad days.
Hope you all get some sleep tonight xx
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And I also have my nephews wedding in 4 weeks - not sure how I will manage that 
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I remember going out for dinner with my boys (13 and 14 at the time) , my mum and sister in law for a friend’s daughters birthday. All I could think about was today they just cremated my wife and they are laughing and having a good time. I could not hold back the tears and the lump in my throat. Our children were having a good time for a few hours before we went home and reality hit them again. I felt inner pain at the restaurant but was happy that our children were having a happy moment. Grief , anger and confusion. It’s been 7.5 years
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So sorry.
I can certainly identify with your reaction to other people laughing and having a good time.
It is hard when others appear to have a normal life, that you have had and wish so desperately to have back again.
Take care,
Rose
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I’ve seen people move on in their lives but I just can’t. The other day I was going through some papers. Tax returns when she was 17. Other papers she had as well. Cards she saved that I gave her. I had my late mum and dads papers as well. Passports that they had from the 50’s and beyond. I decided to keep the pics and shred the rest. I don’t want our children to have this task in the future.
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I must be losing my mind. I have my wife’s urn on the fireplace mantel. I’m in the process of selling the house. Now I moved the urn off the mantel and had to put it in the bedroom closet for the house showing. I took it out of the closet and put it in our bed. Her side. So not not only do I sleep with her pj top that hospice put on her and her comfort blanket she had travelled with for chemo and then in hospice. Now it’s 3, the urn, top and blanket. It’s been 7.5 years and I just can’t get over the loss. Can’t go on like this forever but it feels right to me. A bite crazy but it’s my new normal crazy
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Aw … you obviously loved her very much ! Just been having a chat with my husband and telling him how much he was loved ! I miss him so much ! He was my rock … life is so unfair. I still cant clear his clothes ordi anything with them 17 months on … u know one day i will have to but just cant do it yet ! Gonna give lot of them to my son but as hes having a funny turn and not even talking to me i cant do it yet xx
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And now the hamster has died. I was taking care of her for my daughter, who is in Tenerife and home tomorrow morning. Shell break her heart.
What next?
Crap year in 2023 when I went through a really bad time at work and resigned. Then a massive family row whilst abroad in October. Steve died in February, then I crashed and wrote my car off 6 days later. Now this.
Bring it on, I can take it (can I?).
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Oh i nkow the feeling eveything has gone wrong for me in last 17 months too since i lost my husband - its rotten isnt it ? X
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Sending a really big hug xx
It flipping does ! Nothing goes right does it x
Understand completely.
I lost my husband & best friend 17 weeks ago and find myself feeling so angry sometimes seeing other couples laughing together or hearing friends talking or complaining about their husbands . If only that was me. The pain and rollercoaster of feelings are unbearable at times. and unimaginable until it happens to you.
People ask how you are,how you’re coping and you tell them good days bad days and then you go home , close the front door and break down. Last month would have been our 45th wedding anniversary. I was lucky we had that long together but it doesn’t help. The emptiness is heartbreaking.
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Hi I completely can emphasise with you with your post and situation . I dont want to feel angry either and most of the time I dont just some days being bombarded with holiday posts and friends having a good time is hard to take. I reason with myself its not their fault that I have lost my husband 4 months ago due to a 5 month painfull battle with cancer but it hurts and increases the feeling of helplessness and loss and what now for the future ? Invites for lunch etc are kind and well meant but dont take away the emptiness when you go back home to nothing . I have started leaving the radio on when I go out so the house is not silent when I get back. I also find that as when you do socialise that if you are trying to join in and be cheerful (which can be hard ) that people think that you are ok. There is no easy fix and its good that we can all get some support from this site to know that others are going through the same . Be kind to yourself and as my son who had been a Trustee with a Mental Health support Charity has said to me its ok not to be ok .Take Care
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I leave the radio on when I go out too.Anger is part of the grieving process I believe although I have never felt angry but I don’t like seeing couples or friends telling me what they are doing together it just makes me feel so alone and sad.
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That is how I feel, what’s the point of my life now, we had so many plans for our retirement, traveling, walking, just being together everyday. We often did the shopping together and loved choosing things and looking for bargains, shopping was fun…now it is a dread just to leave the house. I loved buying a new outfit to look nice for him now I couldn’t care less what I look like, will I ever put lipstick on again, wear his favourite perfume ?.
We were going to look at wallpaper for our bedroom at the weekend how can I do that without him.
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I didn’t get angry till recently, early in May (my spouse passed in Jan.).It hit me hard and I didn’t think it would or even think about it at all. Annoyed and irritable, too, with what people say is also part of it. People who have not walked this path don’t get it and it makes you mostly sad. I guess the anger is a coverup.
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Or frustration that others don’t umderstand the pain we are in ? Xx
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