Hello,this is my first post. I recently lost my wife of 28 years to secondary breast cancer in just 8 weeks.It’s been a whirlwind of devastation.We never had children and done everything together,people used to joke because we were inseparable they used to say a love like ours is very rare.You can imagine how I feel now,just so alone,I’m 52 and I don’t know how to cope,it’s hard to get out of bed spend all day alone,and repeat every day same
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This must be such a shock to you. My husband died in January very suddenly and it’s almost impossible to deal with the shock. I spent the first weeks thinking he would come back. I knew he wouldn’t but as a fit and active 55 year old it was hard to accept.
I’m calmer than I was but still very sad and lonely. I have family and friends but now feel alone even when I’m with people.
Nothing will be the same again for us but on this forum you have people that understand how you feel. Your feelings are normal but so very hard to cope with. I’m so sorry.
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Thank you………We had 10 days where we had chats that I will never ever forget,she was always worried about how I would manage,she told me to get a dog to get me up in the morning,get me to go out walking sell the 2 cars get a jeep ,it will be easier for the dog….unbelievable……she told me if you want sell house buy a bungalow,but make sure you have room for our niece to come visit……….Honestly she was amazing,so brave,and always thinking of me…………I really don’t know what to do,I’m at a loss,and just one day seems like a month it’s so long
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She sounds amazing. You must try to take some of her advice, although moving house would be a big step to deal with at the moment.
We had no time to discuss anything and I’m now left with all the responsibilities of the house, a large garden with a pond. I’m finding it very hard.
You will have some easier days as time goes on and you can then hopefully get a dog - I’m sure that will help. I’m not sure how I would have coped without my little dog these past few weeks.
It is going to be hard for us to run a house,I’m not going to do anything rash,like selling house………It must be hard if you’ve got a big garden and pond,where obviously your husband looked after.Life is so cruel isn’t it.I’m sitting here now,been up since 7am,and don’t know what to do now,family and friends have all gone back to their lives,and I’m not blaming them,that’s life,but every day I don’t see anyone it’s so so hard. We used to love walking,but I just can’t seem to walk on my own,so I don’t do anything all day,I do have a brother who pops in to see me and he’s brilliant,but he’s got a life and I don’t want to be a burden…I’m sorry for going on to you………I know it’s awfully hard for others like yourself……we’re all in this horrible place
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I’m back at work, which is a blessing in some ways. It keeps my mind occupied when I’m there. But coming home is hard and again I’m thankful that my dog is here to greet me. I often have a few tears when I come home and my husband is not here.
Keep in contact with people on this forum - it will hopefully help.
Are there any bereavement groups near you? It may be too soon but might eventually be something you could think about?
There are walking groups for single people near me, where the group walk together. Just thoughts for the future maybe.
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I think with me I can’t go back to work,not my old job anyway ,it would be my old life but without my wife,I think something new,meeting new people is the way forward for me,maybe go part time. I’ve had a look and can’t find any walking group’s near me… I think everyone is different and like you said going back to work has helped you,albeit going home to an empty house.As bereavement groups go I think I am going to use them,the nurses are posting numbers of counselling people out to me.So far my brother has been brilliant,having 2 weeks off to be with me,but he goes back to work Monday,I think then I’m going to find it hard to keep busy all day every day.Thanks for listening
I loss my soulmate 17 months ago, it’s been so painful knowing I’ll never see him again, I find it so difficult getting up early and feel so depressed. It takes me a couple of hours to plan something to do for the day, some days I cope and meet up with friends, walk my dog, go gym or look for full time work, being busy helps me, but it’s the bad days I have and the dark thoughts I struggle really badly with, those days are really hard, where I don’t go out and I can’t face people, I just sit at home, take the mask off and cry on and off all day which leaves me exhausted, overwhelmed and I’m yearning for Martin. When my Sons see me like this I feel so bad as I can see how upset they are, it’s just sometimes I can’t hide how I feel from them, the tears just jump out, it all gets too much. I’m so heartbroken and find life a struggle.
Sending hugs to everyone on here
Amy x
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Hi Donant
I lost my soulmate November last year, he was 58 and fit. I’m only 53 and completely lost without him, like you and your wife; we did everything together. I’m finding it an extremely hard lonely journey that I have been forced on. It is so very true it’s an existence not a life. We have been robbed of our future’s and that in itself is something I can’t come to terms with. I do have a dog and walk for hours , it gets me out of the house. The only problem is I don’t know where I want to be; if I’m out I want to be home and if I’m home I want to be out. Unfortunately my husband and I did not talk about death and what he wanted me to do as family advised me not to discuss it; Incase he gave up. Worst decision I ever made as there are so many questions I need answers to and will never know now.
You take care
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Hello Sharon
Yes you are so right,it’s an existence not a life,I’m so dreading next week,when my brother goes back to work,just what do we do all day every day,he’s been a rock staying with me but obviously he got a life,partner,etc…….I hate being on my own,hate it,and I don’t know how I’m going to get through.Sharon we got to be strong for our soulmates,someone said to me,they wouldn’t want you to not carry on,it’s hard and I’m just not thinking too far ahead,in fact living day by day
Our partner’s are no longer in pain but we are. People who say things what they believe our partners would say or want us to do, have probably not gone through losing a soulmate. No one understands unless they have experienced a similar situation. I just wanted to grow old with my husband, he was so caring , considerate, thoughtful and would do anything for anyone. Most of me died when he passed. You are right people do get on with their lives and we just have to muddle on.
Hi there Donant
I’m so sorry for your loss and I don’t think theres one person on this forum that won’t relate to how you are feeling at the moment.
I am in my third year so I have now experienced a great many emotions that I never expected. So firstly can I say slow down, your mind is racing away and it is becoming overloaded. I did this also. You are worried about your work and your brother not being with you plus convincing yourself that you won’t cope and find enough to occupy yourself. Take things slowly and one at a time. Face up to your supportive brother going back to his own life and cope with that. Then try a walk, just a short one at first. Going out is the only way you will be able to communicate with people and a pleasant smile and a good morning makes it that much easier. I have two wonderful dogs that took me out for my walks and made me smile again. I meet other walkers and have made friends to walk with.
Give yourself time to decide about work as sometimes the famiier is much easier to cope with than the unknown. I found this out also.
I wrote down everything I did each day just to prove to myself that I could function somehow.
There should be a Ramblers group nearby. If there is a hospice see if they have a group or counselling. Some have activities also. Don’t look to a future let life come to you and it will when you are ready and you will know what feels right for you. Don’t be afraid of your grief. I still have bad days but I know that tomorrow is another day.
Good luck
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Thank you so very much,I’m reading this just as my brother has gone and I’m all alone,but what you have wrote is lovely ,and yes my mind does race and I do worry too much,I always have.Thank you for your kind and wisdom words
I’m 15 months into my new journey and agree with everything pattidot said.
Very early days for you and I feel you are overthinking & expecting too much of yourself - we have all done it and probably still doing it. .
Keep reading others posts.
Day by day and things will get less raw just not straight away.
G. Xx
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