I posted recently about losing my dad to cancer just before lockdown happened. But I’ve recently found out my mum has lung cancer. Though it’s not a curable one everyone is very confident that with the right treatment she has many years ahead of her. She has just survived breast cancer and was well on her way to her dream life in France. I’m still trying to cope with loosing my dad and as much as I want to stay positive and “fight” this with my mum and step dad I feel utterly lost. I put on the brave face, smile and tell everyone I’m fine but inside I’m breaking.
Hello, this is very sad news, you posted only a few weeks ago about your dad, and you now have this in your life, you didn’t need this.
It is understandable that you will be feeling overwhelmed, previously you did say you were thinking of counselling, did you get anywhere with that? Is that something you’re still looking for? If you feel you’re not ready for that, that is fine, please feel free to continue posting here if you think it will help you, because talking often can.
Hi. Rocky. No please don’t ‘fight’ ‘IT’. A fight implies someone must win and in grief and the pain involved there will only one winner, grief. ‘Fighting and struggling with’ come up so often. People may say, as in anxiety, ‘you have to fight this ‘THING’, don’t let it take over’. But fighting has the definition ‘To enter into combat with’. It takes so much energy and upset to fight. Energy will be in short supply for a while.
Putting on a brave face is what most of us do, and it hurts so much to do it when we are in so much pain inside. But maybe we should not inflict our pain on others, only those who have been there will understand. That’s why sites like this are so important.
Instead of ‘fighting’ can you go with the flow. Bend with the wind, that way you will never break. Storms do pass. If we can weather the storm by turning into the wind then some easement may come. Take care, be kind to yourself and love those around you. Love has great healing properties.
Kind regards and Blessings. John.
I’m still looking into the counciling at the moment. But with the children returning to school this week my mind has been focused on them. Which in all honesty has been a lovely distraction.
Thankyou for your thoughts. I am trying to do my best to “bend with the wind” and I am so waiting for the storm to pass but its really just to much. I can feel my “bending” turning into a break and I’m not sure I will cope when that happens.
Rocky. Trees that ‘bend with the wind’ very rarely break. If they remain rigid and upright then they may well do so. Allowing emotions to come is ‘bending’. It won’t happen. We all think it will and we may get to breaking point, but that’s when we begin to take things a little easier. Someone told me that there is a big spring at the bottom of ‘the pit’. When you finally hit it you bounce back up. But we have to reach the bottom before that happens. The pain will be there for some time, but I have found it’s not so intense after 21 months. Counselling is good. If you can find a bereavement counsellor so much the better. They have the specialised training necessary. SR have counsellors so you could contact Admin.
Take care and keep posting. Best wishes. John.