Feeling lost

I don’t know where to start . I lost my fiance to a traumatic brain injury on 5 th Feb due to a huge failing by the ambulance services . I’m so upset but cannot even grieve for my fiance Chris as since the 8 th February I have been experiencing nothing but a nightmare. The hospital wouldn’t realease his body . The doctors didn’t write up the cause of death, then after days of chasing that the coroner’s office were not happy . Chris had to be moved to another county and was held while the corner investigated . And the ambulance services didn’t hand over requested information until the cheif inspector of the local police authoritie got involved . After all this there has now been a postmortem and we still can’t get any closure because there has to be an inquest . All this because the ambulance service took two hours to attend and didn’t hand over the correct information to the hospital causing them to miss the bleed on the brain causing his death . And to top it off the ambulance service have ignored my request for me to obtain a copy of my 999 call. The inquest won’t be until September aswell . I just can’t cope . I can’t even go and see Chris until Monday and the funeral is not until the 19 th march .

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Hi @Samantha1978 this sounds horrible. I hope there are people around you who can stay with you or help in some way with daily tasks whilst you struggle with all this. Take it hour by hour. its just survival at this point and hopefully things will become clearer take care.

Thank you so much x I do have family who try and support me but it’s hard as I have 3 autistic kids here to deal with so I have to just keep going . I’m just so angry all the time and not sleeping. If the ambulance services had done there job properly at least he would have had a 50/50 chance of surviving . Xxxxx

Yes that is really difficult (understatement but I am knackered and don’t have good words!).

I know the anger feeling. It was the first time I called an ambulance and it took 30 min to arrive and then it took ages for them to put on covid ppe. My husband died of a heart attack. He was healthy strong young and we didn’t expect anything like that.

I found out since that the NHS failed him a lot. He was Dutch and I’m convinced he would be alive if I’d moved there instead of him moving there. I know we can’t change things now but it’s hard with anger on top of everything isn’t it.

take care and i hope you can get some sleep

I’m so sorry to hear about your husband . To be young and fit it must have been a massive shock my fiance was 37 but he had been very ill for many years and was at risk of falling as had epilepsy. He also had risk of bleeding out due to his blood being to thin . So when you call 999 say you think he has been unconscious for 4 hours and you can see him laying on the floor with a mouth full of blood that they wouldn’t call back an hour later to say they are running late . And yes I am going to try and sleep. Unfortunately covid has the NHS so under pressure people are loosing loved ones we know could have been saved. Sending hugs xxxxxx

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Hi Samantha,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your fiance. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed.

I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area. Please be aware that GPs and support services are not currently offering face-to-face appointments, but will usually be offering telephone or online alternatives.

You deserve care and support so please, Samantha, get in touch with one of these services.

Take care


Thank you so much for the advice I really appreciate it and I will definitely get in touch with these services for help xxxxxxx