It’s been 24 weeks since I lost my love, and there have been days that have passed, not easily, but less difficult, but this last week I’ve felt so down and overwhelmed. The reality of being the sole parent for 2 teenagers and responsible for the house and all the things that go wrong has been so difficult. I know I should be back to work by now, but I just can’t face it, I tried to get my sick certificate extended for another month but the doctor will only give me 2 weeks then I have to call again and I am so angry with them. They have not cared or helped, beyond the sick notes. When my husband died, I had so much trouble sleeping and I was crumbling inside and they just glossed, over it, no suggestions of any help. When I got the pathologist report from the coroner, they told me that my doctor would explain it, but they said that they couldn’t help and to go back to the pathologist. I know they deal with death all the time, but it was new to me and I feel so let down. Now my area manger is calling me again tomorrow to ‘catch up’ and I feel terrified. On top of that my poor daughter friend from school died recently, she was only seventeen and it’s just brought all that back for her and for me the horror that my daughter is that age and the now constant worry about my kids. I don’t know what I’m trying to say, I just feel so tired of the struggle x
I know how you feel. I hate being alone. It’s ten months since my husband died and I feel so alone. I woke up this morning and have not stopped crying. I just can’t seem to stop. I walked around the park with dog and the tears were just rolling down my face. I feel so last and most of the time paralysed with fear. I keep kidding myself that I feel better but I don’t. I have tablets from the GP but they don’t help. The only respite is taking the sleeping tablets at night. What life X
Dear Lilyboost and Nel
I’m so sorry to hear how much you are both suffering. It was kind of you to reach out Nel, not an easy thing to do when your heart is broken. Keep talking and also think about getting some counselling. It’s a long slow path but definitely worth it.
best wishes
Miche24
Hello lilyboost and nel, sorry to hear it isnt good for you both at the moment.
Your doctor doesn’t seem to be very helpful other than sicknote writing, have you considered seeing a different one in the practice?
Getting through this can be overwhelming at times and you feel like your drowning sometimes, hopefully this changes soon.
I’ve noticed that it can come in waves after a certain time.
At first I was submerged by it all and felt like I would drown but slowly it’s gotten a bit easier.
At times I literally didn’t know how to do simple things that any other time I’d do with a blindfold on, especially at work.
Looking back I probably went back too early but I could have went another way if I didn’t as I was starting to shuffle round the house in my dressing gown, not eating, not shaving, drinking too much.
It hasn’t been easy being at work as I’ve been a proper mess at times but I’ve persevered and my employers have bless em.
Is it possible to ease yourself gently back into work if you felt up to it at all.
It could be a welcome distraction, it may not.
There’s peaks and troughs in this grief lark and like I say waves.
I’m learning that while things feel alright I’ll ride that wave but I’m very mindful that I can be capsized at any minute and it won’t take a lot to do it as this boat’s still fragile, made of balsa wood if you like.
I hope yous both get through this dip soon and can maybe enjoy some of the weekend.
Take care.
Thank you all for replying
Thank you Craig2, you are so right about waves, before Christmas I felt, not okay but functioning but now I’m back to the beginning again. And I don’t really know why, there is no pattern or consistency to my life anymore.
I don’t really know any of the doctors at my practice anymore, all the original ones are gone and the new ones are just faceless names. I haven’t even spoken to them, it’s all done through the receptionist then texts. I shall try next week to get an actual telephone appointment again I think.
My work have been brilliant recently, at the beginning not so good, the branch manager txt me a couple of days after my husband died in August and the I didn’t hear from her again until December, I sound so bitter but no one from my work came to the funeral, sent flowers or even a card, at the time I didn’t even notice but later I realised and it felt so cold. I work in a high street bank, in a rough area, some of our customer base can be quite difficult, we have security and the police are down a few times a week. I have been attacked before and have been to court a few times. I have worked in that branch for over 20 years and am used to it, and used to be tough enough to manage, but now I don’t know. I’m scared of breaking down and crying in the middle of the banking hall. When I go back I’m going to a different branch, still a rough area but maybe the change will help. I want to go back, but I’m scared.
Together with still fighting with the insurance companies, I think it’s just too much, and the person I lean on for support is gone.