Feeling lost

It is 6 months since I lost my husband.
I feel more lonely and depressed than ever.
I find it difficult to cope when friends talk excitedly about their trips out and forthcoming holidays. That has all been taken away from me, and it’s so hurtful. I know they don’t mean to upset me.
I don’t feel motivated to do anything or go anywhere anyway.
I am sleeping badly, eating junk food and feeling generally sorry for myself. I don’t know how to move forward. I have had telephone counselling which has come to an end now.
A relative is 80 at the weekend and is having a family get together, which I am dreading without my hubby by my side.
I know I am not alone in feeling like this, and so sending big hugs to you all and thank you for reading this. X


Hi Ann ,

My wife died 2 weeks ago today so I’m nowhere near you . No one is expecting this to change , the hurt will remain forever ……however try and just be with people , I’m taking time for myself yet I am accepting every invitation I get because when they stop they really do stop.

Even just going for a wee bit helps , gives you a purpose. I’ve started to keep a diary and I open it everyday to look at what I need / have to do , I get them out the way so at least I have a start .

I’m due back to work 2 weeks from now and I will be there , I’m trying t9 focus on the great memories we made , I say good morning to her to the same picture every day , i will always do that and you know what even today I feel a wee bit better.

Everything in my life has changed, EVERYTHING.

However I’m not going to let it hurt me , she would want that in fact I KNOW from her letters to me she doesn’t want me to be like that , she’s pleading with our friends to look after me .

It’s the toughest thing we will have to do, yet we have to do it , we get no choice ok. Take care xx


So sorry for your loss Anne.
Glenn what you wrote I found really uplifting, it’s kind of what I am trying to do but not succeeding at the moment. I know my wife would want me to carry on and this gives me strength, however little, to do the best I can.
Thank you both for your words.
Joe x

Dear Anne,
I feel exactly the same and I’m at the 6 months.
I’m not coping at all, going downhill as more time passes.
I just can’t accept that my Ian (only 49 yrs old) is not here anymore. He fought so courageously for 14 months to beat it and stay with us.
Apart from work, I shut myself away as can’t face people, can’t face hearing them continuing their lives or seeing happy couples.
I put on a fake front at work but I’m a mess at home.
I’m so lost without him and so damn lonely. I used to be strong and confident and I feel I’ve lost it all.
We would have been married 23 years this September.
We have 2 daughters (18 & 21) who are coping so much better than me. I don’t even feel strong enough to help them through it.
How do we do this? How do we continue without them?x

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Thank you for your reply, and so sorry for your very recent loss.

I lost my husband last April from an unexpected heart attack, I woke to find him dead in our bed. He was 56. Married 26 years with a 12, 14 and 18 year old. I am 51 and still feel deeply and passionately loved my funny, clever, gentle husband - but also feel strongly that I have to live a life. I am moarning and I’m sad, I cry but I think finding a purpose is very important. I feel like I need to show my children that I’m strong and I work Mondays to Fridays which has been a blessing I think because it’s been a massive distraction. I walk every morning before work to clear my head and blow a kiss to my husband from the same spot on my walk, and I put 1 foot in front of another. Very slowly, I feel like I’m coping better . I choose three things to be thankful for every day and remember that I’m lucky I will see my children married, and grandchildren born. I am my husband’s representative in all of these beautiful occasions and I should be grateful for that. We are all different, and we all feel things uniquely, but my personal experience is that moving forward is as much as in the head as in the heart, and maybe thinking of your life this way might help a little, I am not ‘over’ my husband and never want to be but life is so short and we know now it can be taken away so cruelly - for me it’s an act of respect to my husband to appreciate my own. I hope these thoughts might help. X


@Hero - your words hit a chord with me. I love the thought that we are our partner’s representative now. I hope that this will help me in future to get through things without him. I will still feel sad that he is missing this life but we have no choice but to keep going. Thank you

Hero what a lovely post, thank you it makes me want to carry on as that is what my wife Carole would want, she was that kind of person.
This is a sad forum but also for me it helps as I thought I was going crazy, realising others have these feelings enables me to carry on.
I get my life is forever changed but knowing I can find some peace is reassuring, I hope we can all come to a time when the hurt lessens.
Joe x