Feeling lost

Hi All,
This is my first time posting anything, I have only found the courage to do so today.
I lost my husband in April this year, and I still struggle to believe it. In late 2020 we sold our house, awaiting moving into our new build dream home. We moved into rented accommodation until our beautiful home was ready. Within a few weeks of moving into our rented home, my husband suddenly took unwell at work. He was diagnosed with an extremely rare autoimmune disease. This caused his kidneys to fail, and he was awaiting a kidney transplant. We moved into our new home in April 21 and he was doing really well. My husband had been off sick from work for over one year and he found the strength to return in February this year. Within the his first week of return, he caught Covid. We both had it, I worse than him, however, 10 days later he became extremely unwell and before we knew it, he was in intensive care and then induced coma and never recovered.
I feel robbed of everything. I’m only 49, my husband 53. His funeral was one year to the day we moved into our dream home. I feel lost, lonely, angry and feel like people don’t understand. I’ve read so many messages on here, how people make out they understand, say they’ll keep in touch, and they don’t! Im now left in our new home myself. It doesn’t feel like a home, I see it as a roof over my head.
Our daughter has just had a beautiful baby boy, my husband was so excited when she first told us she was pregnant, and he couldn’t wait to be a grandad. It feels so bittersweet.
Im still off work, they don’t understand. I’ve had calls with them, they’ll say things like, thought you’d be better by now, the staff don’t know what to say to you anymore and we are struggling with the workload because you’re off!! All these comments have made it more difficult to return and now I don’t know what to do. I need to work, it fills me with dread on the thought of returning there.
Thank you for listening. Sending love and hugs to you all xx

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Dear @Millie17

Welcome to the Community. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I am glad you have found the courage to post today, that is a big step.

Sue Ryder have recently introduced a free, expert Grief Coach support service which will be of help to you and your family and friends as well. It gives free grief support to your phone on a personalised basis by text.

It includes gentle coaching for friends and family who want to help but may not know how. They will be sent text reminders and tips on how to support the person they care about. No one should grieve alone and this service would also be of help to your employers too.

It may be helpful for you to arrange a telephone conversation with your manager and let them know how you are feeling as to returning to work and you could then mention the Grief Coach Service to them at the same time.

It is very hard for people to understand how grief affects you until it happens to you. You have to grieve at your pace not theirs. It is sadly not a quick fix as to ‘getting better’ or ‘moving on’ now the funeral is over.

If you have not done so already, I would book an appointment with your GP and let them know how you are feeling and see how they can support you with returning to work.

Please continue to reach out, you are not alone, we are here to support you.

Take care.

Pepsi

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Hi @Millie17, my heart goes out to you, I’m deeply sorry for the loss of your husband, and at a young age too. I’m happy for your daughter and newborn baby, I’m sure you will be able to gain so much comfort and joy with this new little member in your family. I know it’s hard that you won’t have your darling soulmate with you to see this, but you will always carry him in in your heart, the love you shared together will give you the courage and strength you need to carry on. My darling husband suddenly and unexpectedly left us at only 57 years age, from a heart attack, 21 months ago. Just out of the blue, was so fit and healthy, we have always been ‘young at heart’, me and him, everyone always said to us “you don’t look like your in your fifties”. Now I feel at least thirty years older than what I am.
You’ve come to the right place here, everyone is so understanding, you can pour your heart out, say anything you want, we all relate to you, know exactly how you’re feeling. As you have surely discovered, others who haven’t experienced the same, just cannot ‘get it’.
Take care.

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I’m so sorry for your loss too, and again at a young age. I know people say it gets easier in time, but right now, I don’t know if it ever will.
We were the same, young at heart, my husband too didn’t look in his fifties and I like you, feel like I’ve aged in these last few months too.
I know my little grandson will will bring lots of joy and comfort, and help ease the pain.
I think that’s the thing that gets me, I feel friends etc don’t quite get it, and they expect me to just shake off the way I’m feeling.
I really appreciate you taking the time to listen and reply. Thank you.
Take care x

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Thank you. You take care too.
Hugs.

Dear @Millie17 I am so sorry you have lost your husband and are feeling like this. Sadly so many of us here are feeling the same, lost, let down by friends or colleagues and not sure what to do. I lost my husband in June and have only a few friends I can turn to. My husbands ex partner is trying to get half of his estate despite being divorced over 30 yrs ago and life suddenly feels worthless. I can only say keep reaching out here, it helps to know that there are others sharing your grief and loss.
Sending hugs :hugs: Jen x

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Hi Jen,
Thank you so much for your reply. I’m deeply sorry for your loss too.
I am sorry to hear you’re having a tough time regarding your late husbands estate. That is just ridiculous. Some people are disgusting in a situation like this, and they come out the woodwork when there is mention of money involved. I really hope and pray that this gets resolved to avoid you further distress.
It’s giving me some comfort that I’m not alone, and wish I had visited this site sooner.
Take care and thank you.
Love and hugs x

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Hi
I completely understand how you feel. I lost my husband suddenly in April 2022. I’m not sure how to keep going. He was only 58yrs.

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Hi Bevann,
I am sorry to hear of your loss too.
I also feel like this too on a daily basis , not quite sure how to keep going and then manage to get through another day. It’s the mornings and evenings I hate the most, and coming home to an empty house.
Take care x

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Dear @Millie17 @Bevann the loss is unimaginable unless you’ve been here so most acquaintances don’t understand. I share your feelings of mornings & evenings being the worst, are you concerned about the dark nights? I am dreading them and I feel so unsafe now I don’t have Mike with me. I hear every little noise at night and lie awake wondering why life is so cruel. I’m sure you would have both had so many plans for your future and feel they have been ripped away my hubby was only 57 and had everything to live for. He planned to retire in 3 years and we wanted to have our dream holidays to celebrate and now it’s all gone.
Thankfully there are some lovely people on this forum who understand and can lend an ear when needed.
Take care
Love Jen x

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Hi my husband was only 57 also. There were so many things we were going to do. Everyday is difficult.

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Hi Jen,
I’m the same, I hear every little noise through the night, and dreading the dark winter nights.
Like you, we had so many plans for our future and that’s been cruelly taken away. I look at other couples, including friends and I feel jealous of them making plans, and booking holidays etc.
I feel people don’t want to listen to me anymore and lost interest.
Take care.
Sending love and hugs x

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I know how you all feel. My Martin was only 47, we had our winter holiday booked for the 12th of December to Lanzarote; he laughed because we would be spending Christmas with his family with a suntan! I don’t see a future, just a lifetime of missing him… love to you all xx

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I am so sorry you lost your darling soulmate at such a young age, it is so unfair, and after you had made all those plans. I hope you find a little comfort sharing your thoughts here on this site, we all understand each other as we’re in the same boat, it does help us get by, knowing we are not alone, like having a shoulder to cry on, I suppose,and not worrying about what others think, which is often not the case with family members or friends.

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