Feeling lost

I have been trying to be strong around my friends and family but 2 days before Xmas I really felt like I was fighting a losing battle as this was my first Xmas without my soulmate he died suddenly in May the last thing he said was see you in the morning but when I woke in the morning I instantly knew something wasn’t right, I always rolled over and gave him a cuddle before I got out of bed. Friday 13th May was different I put my arm out and realised almost immediately something was wrong I felt for his hand and it was like ice I tried to find his pulse then his heartbeat I jumped out of bed and tried to bring him back but even then I knew I had lost him I don’t know how I got through the next two hours I was just numb I phoned 999 and the paramedics arrived really quickly and within two minutes of tests said what I already knew in my heart that my soulmate had gone he was only 42 he had never made plans for funeral etc. The police arrived very quickly are were wonderful they explained because of his age and the suddenness of his death they had to come but both the paramedics and the police at this moment in time couldn’t of been nicer or respectful. I don’t remember much of the day just that I had to make lots of phone calls and everyone telling me what a lovely man he was and how they couldn’t believe that he was gone. I wanted to scream sometimes I still do.
This Xmas and new year have been the most difficult time I think I have ever felt it all of a sudden came back in my head to losing him seeing everyone else having a good time looking forward but I can’t I’m stuck I don’t think I will ever be fine again he left such a big hole. I hope I haven’t gone on to much but I don’t have anyone else that would truly understand how I’m feeling,


My husband passed away on the 8th November. I feel totally lost, alone and just so very very sad. Taking down the Christmas decorations yesterday really hit me.


My thoughts are with you on the loss of your husband,
This site has helped me and I hope it will be of help to you too

I’m so so sorry it must hurt like hell, I’m watching my partner die in front of me from pancreatic cancer he’s like a skeleton now , my heart is breaking I don’t know how il will carry on xxx I get your pain , it’s so cruel xxxx

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I’m so sorry for what you are going through watching your husband dissappear in front of you actually that’s probably worse for you at least it was a sudden death I can’t imagine how I would have been if I had watched him going every day please keep logging on to the forum and we will all be there to support you any way we can x

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Thankyou I wish I could swap places with him , I can’t stand seeing his suffering it’s so cruel xx take care x


@Craftykitty what a terrible ordeal and such a shock for you losing your husband that way. No wonder the trauma has hit again.

@Martju like Craftykitty, I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you.
Sending you both my love.

I was lucky in that my darling husband was away from home when he died suddenly of a coronary embolus. It did mean I wasn’t with him when he died, which was very hard to come to terms with. I could have been a comfort to him while he was feeling unwell and reminded him of how much I loved him but I don’t have the trauma of trying unsuccessfully to resuscitate him. The shock of a police officer coming to tell me was bad but we can only take comfort from what we didn’t have to go through.
I tend to be a glass half full sort of person so always try to see the best in any situation.
I hope you can find some peace in whatever way you can. xxx