Hi,
My mom passed away 2 years ago from brain tumors. But my main issue right now is my dad. My dad is a problem drinker, I’ve grown up with his alcoholism all my life, when ever he couldn’t handle things he would binge drink. Sadly it’s wrecked many birthdays, Christmas’s & family holidays over the years. Mom used to go round looking for the bottles to pore them out, not that it ever did any good, & they would argue all the time about it.
In 2020 mom collapsed & was taken to hospital, it was during COVID, so visiting numbers were limited. 3 days & many scans & tests later, they found a tumor, the consultant said it was a very aggressive cancer, terminal, she had weeks to live if they didn’t operate to remove it, but all it could do was buy her some time. Because of COVID we looked after her at home. That Christmas we knew would be our last Christmas all together, so I tried to make it special, watching movies I knew mom loved, playing board games, but I needn’t of bothered, because it always got wrecked by dad’s drinking, them arguing, & mom sneaking round to look for the bottles to pore them out, which then just caused more arguments. By this point my dad was a full blown alcoholic, drinking all day every day. Because of dad’s drinking, he also messed up her medication, on the phone, the consultant had told him he needed to increase the dose of one of her medications to prevent her having any more epileptic seizures (caused by the tumors), & they confirmed this by letter, but because he was drunk, he forgot & continued to give her the old dose, which later caused her to suffer another 2 seizures 
, & even when she collapsed he just stood there, it was me who had to run for the phone & call the ambulance.
I get that he was drinking because he was struggling to cope, but what really disgusts me is the way he treated mom in her dieing months. He would make the most disgusting jokes about her dieing, & how when she passed he would “dance on her grave,” 
, I was scared, heartbroken, & dealing with this all on my own. The tumors affected my mom’s speech, so much she couldn’t remember the names of things, often got things muddled, & couldn’t even put a coherent sentence together, & yet he was yelling at her, criticising her, she didn’t have the skills to defend herself, & yet after she passed, he went round telling everyone how “he looked after her when she was dieing,” trying to make himself sound like the doating husband, he makes me sick. In the final month she became bedridden, so we were sent care nurses to help bed bath her every morning & again at night, & dad would act all polite & sociable with them, but the second they were gone, it was mom & me who were subjected to his verbal abuse 
. Since mom passed, he continues to drink, off & on, he continues to take his issues out on me, sometimes even when he’s sober, & when the subject of mom comes up, all he does is slag her off. I am so disgusted with him I want nothing more to do with him, I’m just grateful for my boyfriend, I get to sleep over at his house sometimes to give me a rest from dad’s house. I can honestly say my boyfriend saved my life, because without him, I wouldn’t of survived the last 2 years.
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a terrible experience for your family. am so sorry. drinking is a deal-breaker. like drugs or gambling, those people need help and families have a right to disassociate themselves. he must have disdain for himself and turmoil inside. he needs help though men are hard to deal with. can your boyfriend or another male family member talk to him.
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I have a sister a little older than me, but unfortunately dad is in denial & refuses to admit it’s a problem, all I can do is protect myself & my boyfriend.