feeling lost

i have lost my partner after 37 years she passed away 22nd of jan after a heart op and complications ,feeling so lost but must keep well for my daughters

Hello gary gw, I am so sorry for your loss, I know exactly what you are going through, I lost my husband of 47 years three years ago and the grief is still there, I have two sons, but they have got on with their lives, they don’t worry about me anymore as when I see them I put on a brave face and I smile until my face aches as I don’t want them thinking I am not coping. They tell me how proud they are of me for getting through it so well, little do they know.

I still cry and I live in the past a lot as that was when I was happiest, my future is now no longer anything to look forward to as I have to go on alone without my husband.

I find no pleasure doing the things I used to enjoy doing with my husband as it is not the same on your own.

I have got, or should I say I am getting through each day one day at a time but everyday is the same, I am a retired lady of 75 years, my friends still have their husbands and I do get fed up of them bragging about where they are going for their holidays, or where they went for a meal, it is like they are rubbing salt into my wounds, they honestly don’t realise what they have facing them and I would not wish this on anyone.

All I can tell you is that there is nothing we can do to make this situation we are in any better, this is the life we have now been given and we have to live it the best way we can. Our partners would not want us to live the rest of our lives in misery but like I say, after three years I cannot imagine my life improving anymore because the day my husband died, he took a part of me with him and the part that is left just wants him back.

We are all here for you, this is a fantastic site and it does really help you to pop in now and again if you have any worries, we are all here to help you try and get through the nightmare we all find ourselves in.

Please take care.

Sheila x

Hi Sheila,thanks for a lovely quick response,there is something deep down inside me even now Berni my partner would want me to do we called her mother Teresa as we cant ever having a bad word about anyone unlike me ! its so nice just to connect and find my way around a laptop once again thankyou lots of love take care

Hi Gary gw, you are most welcome, we, who have lost loved ones are never the same again, especially when you lose a partner of so many years with whom you have grown older, or like myself grown old with, my husband was only 18 years old when we met in the 1960’s, you not only lose them you lose yourself because you look back and everything good in your life was when you were together and now that has gone you now have to soldier on alone, wondering if you will make it.

When my husband died, I started to get interested in computers, there was nothing else to do so I taught myself how to do it. I bought two laptops, one for use and one for research, because if you got stuck on something, you could use the other laptop to search for the problem instead of having to write instructions down, they were facing you on the other laptop. I am now computer literate. I do online banking, shopping, I scan our photographs, print out larger ones and I give a copy to our sons so they both have a photo album of all our lives together.

I upload our music, then put it on to USB memory sticks. I upload our photos and add music to them and then watch them all through the TV.

By doing this it has kept me sane. You tube has been a godsend if I needed to know how to do odd jobs around the house the instructions were shown on video. But for anything dangerous, I get in the professionals.

It is a new but different life I now have, but even after three years I will never, ever, get used to not having my husband with me, I miss everything about him. It took me 2.1/2 years to take his clothes out of the wardrobe, then another six months to give them to a charity. I have kept all his books, records 45’s, LP’s, CD’s and even the cassettes of the 1960’s, they are exactly where he left them and there they will stay.

When I close my eyes I can see the 18 year old boy I met at the Mecca Locarno in 1964 and I knew he was the one and since that day until the day he died, we never, ever spent a night alone unless I was having our children or he was in hospital with his illness. We were joined at the hip.

I won’t tell you that it get’s easier because I am not there yet and don’t think I ever will be, but people are different so no-one knows what you will feel like in one to two years time. All I can tell you that the first year you are in a daze, trying to sort everything out and trying to come to terms with what has happened. Then you get the year where it is their first birthday, first anniversary, first children’s birthday etc. etc. but they are not here to enjoy them with you and you realise you have started to make new memories without them and that hurts a lot. I now feel that my husband is going further and further into the past and when I look at our photos of the 1960’s I think, where did the years go, were we actually that young once.

Please keep in touch as we all feel the same loss and the same pain.

Love

Sheila xx

Thanks again Sheila,Iwill sit down and gather my thoughts to reply to you i am keeping busy in work and looking after my 94 year old mum who is suprisingly well Iwill love to let you know more about Berni who I never get tired of talking about so promise to let me know if I bore you! Your hubby sounds smashing.

Hi Gary, gosh you do have your hands full and with what has happened it is heartbreaking. I would love to know about your Berni. Yes, my husband was one in a million.

Love Sheilax