Feeling lost

I lost my husband of 39 years to cancer 2 months ago and I’m just crying because I miss him so much. I’m putting on a brave face most of the time but inside I’m lost. How do I start a new life without him - I don’t even want to. We put his ashes in the cemetery yesterday and I keep looking at his picture and I can’t believe he’s never coming back.

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I’m so sorry you find yourself here and for the loss of your husband.
The pain and heartache will be overwhelming at the moment and the shock of everything will maybe just be starting to wear off.
I have no magic remedy to offer sadly, but do be kind to yourself - get rest when you can, eat as well as you can do and lean on those you have to support you. And take the time to grieve your loss.
Keep posting here if it helps. There’s lots of people in a similar situation who know how you feel and understand what you are going through. Truly.
Sending strength and hugs xx

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Thank you. It has helped me reading some of the posts on this site but it also makes me realise the reality of his death. There is no going back and I’ll never see or feel him again. I feel so lonely even though I’m lucky to have supportive friends and family. You all know how I feel and that helps.

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Does anyone else find that they can’t dream about their husband? I find it so upsetting that I can’t even see him in dreams. I wonder if I’m blocking him out so I don’t remember the sad things like his illness and his death. Would love to get any ideas you might have.

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Same for me, when I manage to get some sleep. I imagined he would come to me in my sleep and I would feel comforted. But I do think about him when I’m awake and sometimes I feel comforted.

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Do you find your sleep pattern is completely disrupted? I can’t seem to sleep before about 1am and only for 4 hours at most at a time. I always used to sleep a full night’s sleep apart from the last 6 months when I was caring for my husband. I still seem to get through the day though.

I’m in bed by 11pm, awake during the night and drop off again for a couple of hours before waking with the birds. I’ve averaged 4 hours sleep a night for almost 6 months, but as you say, I can still function during the day. Apart from memory loss (can’t remember what I did yesterday or even 2 hours ago!), I seem to keep going.

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So very sorry.

Yes, my sleep patterns changed,
In the beginning I kept going on 2-3 hour naps any time of the day or night.

Sending a big hug xx

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I’m grateful now if I get 4 hours uninterrupted sleep, like you.
In the early days it would be an hour here and there.
Constantly fatigued, if I can get on top of the sleep and fatigue I think things will improve

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:hugs::hugs: :hugs: :hug’s

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I’m so sorry for your loss.

My sleep patterns are all over the place too. I think reading other posts this is normal.
As for dreaming, I have had a few, but not as many as I’d like, a couple of bad ones but mostly ok. I can only really remember the bad ones. Because they fade so quickly I try to write them down as soon as I wake.
The downside to dreaming of him is the heartbreak when you wake and realise it was just a dream. But I’ll take that, just for those moments of having him back.

Big hugs to you x x

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I have fitful sleep too. Wake between 3 and 4 most nights,
I have some photos where my Ken is looking at me in a living way and smiling. They are close ups and I just wish I could reach out and touch his lovely face

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I know what you mean. Sending a big hug x

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Thank you. Yes I’d just love to dream of him. I’d take one or two bad ones for one nice one xx

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Thank you @roni52 x

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Hi @RedRedRobin

I’ve just looked through my letters to Roger and my first dream was 12 weeks after he’d dued.

So don’t give up hope x

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Oh thank you @Liro . I will keep hoping then. I look at his pictures every night before I go to sleep hoping. X

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It will happen, just when you don’t expect it.
I beg him every night to come to me. He doesn’t very often

Its a bit pathetic really, but I’m just grabbing at any crumb of comfort I can get.

I hope you don’t have to wait too long

Big hugs x x

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So sorry for your loss. Yes, it’s very lonely; but in time you learn to fill those silent, empty moments with something, even if it’s just tv or online word games; I do those all the time, as they stop you thinking the bad stuff.

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