Hi everyone again just wanted a moan,my daughter who is my big shoulder to lean on has just flown off on her deserved two week holiday with her partner,that leaves me with a useless selfish son who lives 250 miles away and a brother who I haven’t heard from since the funeral,most”friends” have slid away all couples,who wants to be a gooseberry anyway,that leaves me,never had time for hobbies my wife was my only hobby,so here I sit only friends are M&S ready meals Walkers,and Laithwaites,not one for going out on my own,so on it goes,thanks for reading.Ron.
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So much of this resonates…especially the friends who’ve slipped away.
I have had to force myself to go out and to take the initiative to contact people… it’s tough, really tough!
I’ve joined a photography club recently… meeting a whole new set of people who don’t know my past has been ‘sort of’ refreshing, in that I have no expectations of them so they can’t let me down.
It’s been fun, learning something new and meeting a few new people, but of course there’s a little sadness that I’m not able to share with Nigel. I also know that he’d be proud that I’ve done something for myself.
I’m not going to tell you what to do, because you’ve probably had lots of that, I just wanted to share my recent experience ‘out there in the big wide world…’
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Ron11 This resonates with me too! The son who is my rock has gone off to Canada with his family to stay with his in laws for a month. Husband’s brother hasn’t rung for several weeks. He only lives an hours drive away but hasn’t suggested visiting or me going to them. My only sister died just three days after my darling husband and I really miss her, tho she lived at a distance and we hadn’t been able to see each other for ages because of Neil’s illness and her own. Other son lives 300 miles away and tho he rings every day that’s more for me to support him than the other way round as he has severe mental illness.
A couple of friends have really stepped into the breach since Neil died but they also happen to be on holiday at the moment. I know I should make the effort and take up some of the opened ended offers of “coffee sometime” from acquaintances but I have lost my mojo for initiating contacts and I know I’m rotten company.
So I go out in the wilderness that used to be our garden every day and make insignificant inroads into that. I’m eating rubbish food , drinking more often than I should and not going to bed at a sensible time. I feel exhausted. I know I should join a fitness class but I keep saying to myself that I’ll sort out one patch of the garden first. And so one day merges into another and I do a shed load more online puzzles.
I can’t remember what the point is any more.
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Oh Annie we are in a virtual same boat,my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer 3 years ago,in those years I willingly did everything I could for her it was a 24/7 task,but this what I am going through now it pales into insignificance,days and nights go by when the best contact I get is an odd txt,my daughters been a rock but she has her own life to lead,I’ve got to the stage now when anyone asks how are doing,I say pretty crap really,it’s amazing how quick they disappear,anyway ime sending you a virtual hug and hope we all find some peace Ron.
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So much sounds familiar xx
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So much alike are weall family what family i get a call from my sister i see my daughterc2 times a week one of thise day is because i look after my grandaughter while she is at work. My phone doesnt ring no more. It will be 6 weeks on Sunday since Gra passed. I am so lonely . Xxx
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All of these posts arbour feeling lost are very familiar to me. Its only 2 weeks since the funeral of my husband. We didn’t have a social life as he preferred to stay at home where I was his carer for the last 5 years. I have had support from his son to his first marriage and my sister but they don’t live locally. Some neighbours were supportive at the time. Others I guess don’t know what to say to me so they avoid me. I am mostly alone. I feel totally lost and very very lonely.
I tried to be more positive and arranged to go out every day this week but my plans were thwarted on the first day. Monday morning an engine warning light came on. Its booked in for Thursday and could take one or two days depending on the fault. Then the light bulbs in the hall and landing blew at the same time. Small things I know but I just felt like I was being knocked back for everything I am trying to do. I wanted to visit his grave and put fresh flowers on it. All these things can be done next week I know but the slightest set back knocks me for six. I dissolve into tears. The pain is so raw and all consuming. I’m totally despondent.
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Iaww sheshe i relate to ever thing you say except the going out bit. I suffer from agrophobia and my husband was my support. We use to go for small drives everyday. But now i am stuck at home life is so very lonely especially the night. Gra and I did everything together. U dont have friends and my family are very unsupportive. Likewise a couple of neighbours said how sorry they are but as we would do if in reverse there lifes carry on. Xxx
Sorry to hear you suffer from agoraphobia on top of feeling lost through grief. Even though I can go out I seem to spend most of my time grieving at home alone. I look at this site. I know so many other people are going through this terrible process and take a little comfort in knowing it should get a little easier to manage as time goes by. I’ve neve lived alone before and at 73 its so very very strange and overwhelmingly lonely.
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I am 59 like you never been alone before . Its scary i cant invisage living like this long term . Life seems pointless nothing seems important anymore. Xxx
Where are you I live in Hull
I live in Leeds. I wish we were all local and could arrange a coffee morning somewhere
Wouldnt that be lovely . We could support each other. Xxx
I would be up for that.I’m not far from Leeds.
I cant i would love to but I live in Hull and i suffer from agrophobia only go out in my little area. Xxx