Hi all, not posted for a while. 9 months since losing mom after an 11 month battle with Cancer. Life is not the same everything feels different. Im married and have family and a few friends but have never felt so alone than i do right now i feel like im living in a parallel universe and my life isnt my own i dont know what to do. I struggle to sit and relax in the house feel like i need to be doing things all the time but then have zero motivation to do anything i dont feel like i know my purpose in life anymore or if i ever did i feel so lost i cant shake the feeling off i am desperately trying to find some joy and happiness in life but i cant i mask it to everyone because i feel like they dont get it or even as if people have stopped caring because its been 9 months now and then i beat myself up over wasting time and not being grateful for life and living it to its fullest like my mom would want me to its just a very hard lonely journey 
Hello shadow04, I’m sorry for your loss. It’s difficult to accept that our mums, who loved us unconditionally, is no longer here with us. It feels like a dream I want out of. It’s been 11 months since my mum left and perhaps it’s the timing but the flashbacks of her last moments are flooding my senses. I can’t seem to stop crying lately. I miss her so much that it hurts physically. I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone in grief. My heart goes out to you.
I feel.for you both & what i find scary is its 3 weeks since my mum left and both of you describe what i am feeling now. Lost. No purpose. Guilt. Its scary that i may always feel this way if after almost a year people still struggle with these emotions. I have no family, only a small circle of friends, its very lonely because they simply dont comprehend this feeling of abandonment
Thank you for your reply, sending love to you too x
I just wanted to reach out @Shadow04 because so much of what you said is how I’m feeling too. I lost Mum 10 months ago, and i feel completely without purpose or motivation. Nothing brings me pleasure, nothing brings me comfort, and the majority of my friends i just avoid because they really dont get it and think i should be getting over it and going out/doing stuff. I also feel guilty sometimes that im wasting my life but i’m trying to accept that i need this time to process everything. Im sorry i dont have any words of hope or inspiration for you but just wanted to let you know you’re not alone in feeling this way 
Thank you for reaching out, its a horrible feeling, feelings of guilt for not enjoying life and feelings of guilt when i do feelings of guilt for maybe not being the person i once was or being the person I should be for my partner, family and friends its awful x
I too wanted to let you know you’re not alone. It’s over 9 months since I lost my dad and nothing is enjoyable. I go through the motions of life, but that’s all. It’s so hard, especially when friends and others start assuming you’re getting better and don’t need support. Sending hugs.
I feel the same.
I think you have to be so careful with so called friends as you never know whos legit and who isn’t. I think I rather be on a desert island then rely on people. You don’t know if they have your best interest or their own. It really hard these days to find good people and sometimes it’s just not worth the hassle in the first place
That’s true and with the way we are vulnerable in grief it’s much too easy to be taken advantage of. Especially since we kind of crave human contact at the same time because we are lonely. I’ve unfortunately come to realise now that I don’t have any friends I can talk to about my feelings, which is depressing. 
I thought I had friends but not so sure now. Friendship isn’t a commodity but I’m not so sure. Besides going to shops and the hospital I’m not doing much. So everything feels the same at the moment day to day. I feel like starting from scratch with people and starting again. Like so many on here I lost the most important person in my life my mum. I am alone and it goes against who I am. Life does feel like it’s over, but we get up and do it all again.
What I will say is this, it’s not good to be on our own as we won’t heal left alone to think of what we once had.
The question then is if it’s better to be alone than be with the wrong kind of persons? It’s so difficult to find those you connect with and I often find it feels worse being with others when it isn’t a company where you are comfortable.
Connection with wrong people I think.