Hello everyone. I lost my beloved mum 5 days ago unexpectedly. Today I’m really not doing very well as it all starts to sink in. I’m sat in the dark downstairs not wanting to go to bed because my mind won’t stop thinking about her. I have lots of wonderful memories , we were best friends and together with my daughter we were the 3 musketeers. I am trying to be calm and strong for her as she is devastated but inside I am trembling . I am trying to let the grief wash over me but I don’t think I’m doing very well. I panic at the thought of the future without her . She was a good age and I am blessed because she wasn’t ill but it was such a shock and it scares me how I am feeling . I can’t muster up any energy to do anything. I am dreading the funeral as well .
Hey, I’ve just joined, I lost my dad a week ago after a 30 year battle with a tumour, I’m fortunate to have spent every day with him since July. What stood out about what you put is the 3 muss, that was like us, we was the 3 amigos, he brought us up on his own, he was mum and dad in one. I can’t stop seeing his face at the end, it wasn’t him at all 
Oh Angus I feel your pain. It’s so raw for us right now. We are lucky we had that kind of relationship with our loved ones. 
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I’ll be in touch tomorrow, I need to sleep, take care
I’m so sorry for your loss @Hayley3 and can only imagine the shock of losing your Mum. My Dad passed away last November and it was a very short and sudden illness and like your Mum, he was also a good age (nearly 92!). Until then he was pretty fit and healthy and that was the hardest part for me to rationalise in the days and months to follow. I was the same as you and panicked at the thought of my life without my Dad in it and maybe you should start the ball rolling and ask for some grief counselling for you and your daughter. It can take a while to come thru but can be an amazing support as you process this horrible life change.
You sound like you and your daughter were blessed with a lovely relationship with your Mum - that’s so special. My daughter was particularly close to my Dad and he was just like a Dad from day one. I don’t know how old your own daughter is but when we were planning my Dad’s service my daughter asked if she could say something at the service. She wrote a beautiful (and funny in places when talking about their adventures over the years) eulogy and delivered it - I was blown away and couldn’t say anything myself but for her, it was her way of saying goodbye and something she wanted to do. Maybe you and your daughter could do the same, write something about your Mum and your special memories and times together and if you can’t read it, ask ahead for someone to do it for you. I asked my adult Goddaughter to read a poem for me as I knew I couldn’t do it on the day and my Mum recorded a little poem for my Dad, which was played at the service. Again, she knew she wouldn’t be able to do it on the day but she wanted her voice to say the poem for my Dad.
Take each day one day at a time and be kind to yourself @Hayley3. Try not to think too far ahead as that can become so overwhelming. Busy yourself in the moment and do and be anything you need to right now. I don’t know if this would help you both but I had a couple of memory bears made out of some of my Dad’s shirts, one each for my daughter and me. My auntie made them and they’re lovely. We chose our bears from looking at recent photos with us each with my Dad in the shirts and so they’re very special.
Please don’t dread the service too much. Saying that, I did too and didn’t know how I’d get thru the day but in the end it was such a beautiful tribute to my Dad and his life, it was a real celebration. We had a lovely picture tribute at the place where we held his service, picked his favourite songs and hymns, the eulogies were touching and even funny in places and it was so “him”. We hired a function area in a beautiful little pub and it was all decorated so tastefully for Christmas (his service was between Christmas and New Year) with fairy lights everywhere - my Dad was a huge Christmas fan and would have loved it. It was little things like this that kept Dad in the present and knowing we were still living as though he was still with us, as he is anyway in our hearts. Also, at the after-do we had a photo album made up of so many happy times from his baby photos up. Everyone loved looking thru it and it was lovely for us to talk to so many people who came. It really helped us get thru the day and although it was a naturally sad occasion, in so many ways it wasn’t. He always supported the RSPB and we had little bird seed packets made up (Etsy) in his memory and we filled them with seeds for guests to scatter afterwards. He would have loved this idea. We just got into planning everything that was special to him and that occupied us in the early days. On the day before the service my daughter and I visited him and placed flowers and photos with him and that also brought me comfort on the day, knowing how he was surrounded by tokens of love.
Sending you and your daughter lots of 
Jess , thank you so much for taking the time to write this. It has really helped me so much today. I can’t thank you enough. I am trying to be a bit more practical today, I know mum would have said , now come on , pick yourself up and get stuck in to something. She helped me through a really bad divorce and I can hear her loving words. Your Dad sounds like a lovely man and you must still find it very hard without him but you sound very peaceful when you talk about him. Thank you for sharing your feelings with me . Xxx
Oh you are so welcome Hayley! My Dad really was such a lovely man and had always given so much to other people, and done so much for his local community over the years, I feel his life was such a beautiful gift to all who met him. I think you’ve summed up how I feel now - I do feel very peaceful when I think and talk about my Dad. He would understand but would have hated for any of us to be sad. Your own Mum sounds the same and I suppose all us parents are like that too and never want our children to drown in sorrow, however old they are or whatever the situation that makes them feel that way. I too went thru a rubbish break-up/divorce, hence why my daughter was so close to my Dad. She really did see him as her Dad and I think I kind of kept things together when he passed for her sake and she did the same for me so we muddled thru it together We’ve always been open and laughed and talked about Dad/Grandad and its lovely we’re able to keep him so present. He would have loved that too. We realise how blessed we were to keep him in our lives for as long as we did.
The early days of loss are so bewildering and keep taking things one moment at a time. It really does get easier, well, it has for me. Concentrate for now on giving your lovely Mum a beautiful service. Involve your daughter as much as you can, age dependant, on how you can do that and do as I did, celebrate such a special person and flood the service with love. I have to say, what I dreaded most was having the coffin right in front of me during the service but all I could see was how peaceful he looked the day before, with all the tokens of love my daughter and I had surrounded him with - we left flowers, a few photos and letters.
I posted for someone else on here the poem my Goddaughter read at the service, on my behalf, and the more time that’s passed, the more the words really are true and how I try and live by them (I’m sure the words could be changed to SHE from HE )
I’m always here if ever you want to chat
You can shed tears that he is gone
Or you can smile because he has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday
You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.