Hi everyone
Not sure why after nearly 2 years I’m feeling like this
I lost my partner suddenly nearlly 2 years ago to a sudden heart attack
I have grow up children who I can’t really express myself to as fear of upsetting them
Every day I go to work come home to a empty house
I have no one to talk to about my feelings
I thought over time things would get easier but honestly they get worse every day
I have so much time to think of things And mostly thinking how alone I am and have no life being on my own and what is the point of being here if I have nothing to look forward to
I am nearly 58 and work part time finding it hard to manage financially paying rent and bills and today I’m thinking what is my life going to be like when I do eventually retire how will I cope
I miss my partner so much he was only 58 when he tragically died whilst at work
We had so much to look forward to
I wish I could talk to my kids about it but they havw their own life’s now
Just miss him coming through the door every night
No body really understands what it’s like until it happens to you
Sorry I sound like a fool
Just laying here feeling sorry for myself
Will I ever feel normal again
Why’s it suddenly getting worse
Jandnanny,
I understand how you are feeling so well.
My lifelong partner died suddenly and unexpectedly nearly.2 years ago.
If possible I feel worse than a year ago. We were just starting our retirement together.
Everyday is a struggle followed by long sleepless nights.
Fortunately I don’t have financial problems but I hate living without him. It is so meaningless and I can’t imagine ever being happy again.
I have nobody to talk to and nobody wants to know when I try to explain how I feel.
I’m not lonely but so completely alone.
I wish I could say more to help you.Sadme
Hello Jandjnanny
I’m new here. I want to say you don’t sound like a fool. Grief and bereavement don’t always happen in the order we’re informed about. Most times it runs in its own order, takes as long as it wants and revisits when it likes. Feeling low because your partner, your plans and hopes are gone could not be more natural. I wish you well, and want you to remember that you really are allowed your own spaces to “sit next to” your feelings, even emptiness and fear. Make sure you touch base here, as often as you feel like. Being able to give voice to your feelings, to validate them, is so important. My thoughts are with you today.
Hi jandjnanny
I know how you feel I lost my partner suddenly in May 2018 to a heart attack . I have 2 boys who still live with me but they are getting on with their own lives. I feel so lonely and feel my life is over. All I can say is take one day at a time as it is still very raw for us.
Christine x
Hi.
I too lost my husband just over 2 years ago and sometimes feel that things are getting worse instead of better.
A friend of mine, who lost her husband 10 years ago, told me that she found the second and third years the worst. She said that, for the first year, everything is a First - the first Christmas, the first anniversary, the first birthday and you’re so caught up in how you’re going to survive them. Nothing seems real to you. By the second and third year, the permanence is setting in - you begin to realise that this is real, and it’s for life. She said that once you accept that, it gets easier. Not easy, just easier.
I hope she’s right because I honestly don’t think I can go for the next 30 years feeling like this.
I feel really low I miss all my family so much 
I don’t know what to say apart from I get up and see what the day brings. I carry on for our grown up children and grandchildren. I was Steve’s wife for 32 years ,together 33 and half years. Life is so difficult/different since I lost him 9 months and 3 weeks ago today. I don’t like Fridays anymore. My husband always said ‘ Karen what happens, will happen and you can’t change it , move forward’ he loved life and our family very much. He was only 55 when he died last year unexpectedly/sudden death. He would want me to live life to the full, as much as I can . I’m going to try really hard to do that. Xxxxxx keep strong and just go with each day see where it takes you. Xxx
Grief is different for everyone just go with it that’s all you can do. My husband died unexpectedly/ sudden death 9 months 3weeks ago today, I hate Fridays now. I’m going to try my very best to live a full life and do as much as I can with our children/grandchildren he loved them all so much. I’ve travelled a bit since he died and I’ve 2 more trips booked with my family but nothing is same without him sharing these New memories, but I have to let my children see I’m doing ok as their really struggling without their Dad. Keep strong, make memories. Treasure all the love you had for each other, it’s with you always. Xxx
My wife died in February last year. On reflection I am quite proud of what I have achieved in the subsequent 10 months despite the constant pain of her loss. I keep on top of the house , maintain the garden, shop, look after myself as best as I can, pay the bills and although they live away, see my son and beautiful grandchildren as often as possible. At Christmas I put all the decorations up and made my home as festive as my wife used to and we had a lovely Boxing Day together as a family although there was obviously one crucial part missing.
But since the turn of the year I’ve really struggled and I cant put my finger on why or identify any specific cause? The reality of this unwanted and at times very lonely new life seems to have hit me very hard indeed and some days its increasingly difficult to cope. I’m finding it difficult to motivate myself and certainly the energy levels and the ability to DO things I did last year has deserted me. Just hoping its temporary? I think maybe last year I utilised my wife’s wishes for me to have the best life possible, in the circumstances, as the impetus for myself to carry on but at this moment in time things and life seems a bit aimless. Probably the way I was going last year was unsustainable and perhaps I threw myself into things as a diversion tactic to cope? But as others have rightly said we are all different. There is no correct or linear trajectory for dealing with the grief and loss of someone so loved. Not sure this makes sense but just wanted to put it out there as a personal example as to the messiness of bereavement.
Best wishes to all experiencing this awful hurt.
Hi davos55
I think you have hit the point exactly. The first months are spent tidying, organising, arranging and sorting then it led into xmas and now it’s a whole new year and the reality has set in. You can see the first anniversary approaching and your motivation has gone.
I’m feeling exactly the same after the sudden death of my mum in june. The summer I spent organising and clearing out, the autumn came and xmas with it which I somehow managed to get through. And now it’s the start of a new year without my mum in it and the first anniversary less than 4 months away.
I have lost my energy and enthusiasm and I think this is perfectly normal.
Cheryl x
Grief is a strange emotional, just when you think your coping with what happened it can come over you and engulf you over and over again. I lost my husband last May. Sudden Death, massive shock to me and our children he was only 55. Life is definitely a rollercoaster of emotions, endurance test at times, just go with it as best you can. Good and bad days. Much love Karen . Xx
Hi there, you make perfect sense. I can honestly say I have coped or at least tried in exactly the same way as you. I have kept busy looked after myself, and the house as well as decorated, done all the things I should and even kept both our allotments going single handed. At Christmas I even bought and put up lights in front of the house and round a bush. I suppose in the early days I became a bit manic. I was not going to go under or so I promised myself and was told by a counsellor that if you looked after the house/garden/shopping/ and yourself then you was coping just fine. But the grief keeps dragging on when I think I should be stepping around it and slowly walking onwards. Where has that strong person gone, I am disappointed in myself. There seems to be no way to control emotions, we have to learn to live with them. It seems to me that grief is going to hang in there until it’s ready to leave.
Take care and good luck
Pat xxx
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful responses. I think in many ways I was also a tad manic and threw myself into completing these tasks and routines as some sort of standard I really felt important for me to adhere to. Perhaps in a way wanting to maintain and reproduce the level of comfortable domesticity I was used to when my wife was alive. I am quite proud of the house and home we have put together, its in a nice situation in a lovely part of the country and keeping it that way is a sort of continuous and loving endeavour in my wife’s memory. She would want me to keep things right and thereby reap the benefits of existing in a pleasant home. This has been a tough month. My wife died on my birthday last year and it was also our wedding anniversary. Yes I married her on my birthday. The loveliest present I could ever have wished for. It is also my wife’s birthday later this month. So these important usually celebratory dates are now, for the moment, just days to remember and in a sense endure and I wonder if subconsciously, this has been affecting my mindset as this time last year, I was particularly numb, very busy and preoccupied with all the necessary arrangements after her death.
I dont know…I just feel I’m going backwards and its very strange.
It’s funny how dates come into play isnt it?
My mum and dad met on June 14th, they married the following june 14th and my mum died on their 50th wedding anniversary, june 14th 2019.
There has to be something in it doesnt there?
Hi Davos, you certainly have a month of memories and I hope you cope. I think you are probably right this month will be affecting you deeply. I dreaded the anniversary of Brian’s death, it seemed to have flown by, where had the time gone, had it been a bad dream. When the actual day came I coped much better than I expected. I took flowers and then got on with the day as normal and I did cope just as you will. It is good that you have your home and feel pride in what you and your wife have done to it. I made no secret that I would leave this house very quickly, yet here I am over a year on and still here. Why, I must have some sort of comfort from the thirty years I spent here with my husband.
Many of us here can relate to the feeling of going backwards. Time keeps moving on but we don’t seem to be moving forward with it. Lost in our own state of pain. Everything about grief seems strange. Know just what you mean. Take care of yourself.
xxx
Yes Karen he would have wanted you to live life and enjoy yourself, yes the pain will be there as always Karen as I have experience that when my wife died 3years ago as we were only married for 5years but those five years has been a wonderful time. I won’t forget them but she would wanted me to be happy. I am hoping you will be strong and there for the kids. You must be so proud of them.