It’s so hard isn’t it, to try and be strong and keep a brave face in front of the kids.
To be faced with this devastating pain, emptiness,the constant sadness and feeling so scared of life without our husbands is the worst nightmare in the world.
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My heart goes out to you I can relate to everything you say, I lost my husband to a sudden heart attack in September last year he was away from home at the time(500miles) on a fishing trip on the Isle of Skye. I have struggled immensely to cope I am lucky to have a good support network of family and friends but I still find it hard to believe that John has actually died and the door will not open and he won’t be walking back through it. Xx
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Hello DianeC
I have that picture of “walking through the door” - but not ever again - clearly; my brother died of a congenital heart condition when he was nineteen. So many years ago now, but there are so many odd things that seem to glue themselves in your mind and pop up every now and then. I suspect every thought and feeling will always be “in there” forever - as one goes through life things will trigger them and often everything, absolutely everything one ever felt in the early parts of grief become visible again, but the pain is less. It does get less with time. And as time moves on that awful stabbing panicking desperation a lot of you guys feel about losing your partner will be replaced with a smile of a memory, and a thankfulness that that person had been your husband/partner/friend … You deserve to have those memories; so the person you lost also deserves those memories.
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Thank you Dianne C for your kind words. We feel we’re the only one in the world going through this ,like we’ve been punished and picked out. But to know there are people in the same boat, you realise you are not alone. It’s a cruel world.
Hopefully Sven like you say we can hope to feel less pain and to smile again x
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Sorry DianeC
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And to lose our husbands in their fifty’s, so young.
Thinking of you, in this nightmare we are living in x
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Dear MrsColt, sorry for the delayed reply, my daughter has been particularly bad this week, she’s started bereavement counselling and went for healing, which I must admit was lovely so I also ended up having some. You are completely right about PTSD this is something I feel we all have when trying to cope with the suddenness of losing our husbands/partners it’s the continuous playing over the day they went and trying to make sense of it which is impossible particularly in your case losing your mum then husband how can that make sense. My husbands mum is still alive nearly 83 years old smokes 40 cigarettes a day is fit & well has the energy of a 60 year old, never sits down is always on the go, how does that work!!! Your so right about grieving for all the plans for the future, he’d planned to buy a boat this year to spend some time sailing around the Amalfi Coast, he had taken me there for my birthday as he did every year exactly a month before he died. I know we are all so lucky to have beautiful memories but they shouldn’t be memories we should all still be making many years worth of them, but aren’t we lucky to have been loved and to have loved, but it’s just so bloody hard to accept xx
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I lost my husband of 30 years in November as well. Heqas59 and I am 54. I too am struggling big time. Please feel free to message me to talk any time
Leo xxx
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Hi Leo,
It’s so hard isn’t it, I’m so sorry for your loss aswell.
We were also married 30 years, I met him at 17 he was 22 , I’m struggling without him.
Have you got family around you, I’ve got one daughter at home and two daughters living with partners.
It hasn’t got any easier since November, I still can’t believe it, it doesn’t seem real.
My daughter is struggling she was so close to her dad it’s so heartbreaking to she her in such a state.
Thinking of you x
I have a 22 year old daughter at home and a 23 year old son who lives 2hours way because of his work.
Yeah it is all very surreal just now. Cant believe he won’t be coming though the door. Cant touch any of his things and have still not unpacked his bag from the hospice.
[edited by moderator to remove personal details]
We lost 2 children and they were caught up in the ashes scandal in Edinburgh at the crematorium.
Love you to and your family xxx
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I’m so sorry to hear that, that’s awful so sad. My heart goes out to you.
I’m not on fb.
I also had a stillborn daughter, what have we done to deserve all this.
Sending love
Steph xx
Dear All
I don’t come on here very often now
I did in the beginning back in the summer of 2018 when I lost my husband to a sudden cardiac arrest . He was 60 and I was 58 . He got up to go to work , collapsed and in spite of CPR, paramedics, air ambulance doctors , stents and ITU , died 3 days later , never having regained consciousness.
The shock is tremendous
You will keep going for yourselves and your children and elderly parents and pets and any other responsibilities you have , because you have no choice . But it is hard . Very hard
This year , 18 months after losing him , I have started more intense therapy with my bereavement counsellor because of flashbacks . Like someone said in one of the posts we can be suffering with some sort of PTSD. The eye movement therapy and tapping have helped to settle the memories of that shocking morning but it is hard work and emotionally draining reliving it in detail again but worth it to try to get rid of shocking , intrusive thoughts . I wouldn’t say I just have good memories of my husband now though because I yearn for him everyday . I don’t just want him back I feel like I physically need him back to be able to function as a whole person . Part of me has gone missing and it’s hard .
My post is not helpful I’m sorry but it seems you have to get deep with grief because you cannot run away from it by keeping busy , thinking things through or whatever other stuff keeps you going . Believe me I have tried . No you cannot get rid of it . You have to feel it and then feel it again and then again until it starts to loosen its grip on you . Do everything you can to take care of yourself . It is a rollercoaster ride . Get help from those who love you so you can keep going and be there for your children . It is tough but you will do it and other people on this forum will help and support you because they understand your pain . Wishing you well . Weekends can be very difficult I know and sending big hugs to everyone . Keep going . It’s what our husbands would want us to do
Romy xxxxx
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Hi Romy,
Thank you for your post. Our stories seem almost the same, my husband had a cardiac arrest at work, cpr, stents, icu and died 3 days later, they had to turn off the machines , I laid next to him while he slipped away, it was the worst moment of my life.
I’m still in shock, can’t sleep can’t eat lost so much weight, but got to keep strong for my daughters.
I do see what you mean about you can’t run away from grief by keeping busy, that’s exactly what I try to do but you have to stop at some point and it hits you hard again. The feelings are so overwhelming sometimes you just hope you don’t wake up . I hope it does in time loosen its grip but I know it will never feel normal again.
Weekends are the hardest especially sundays, but will try to keep strong.
Thank you so much for your words and thoughts and experience of how it has been for you…
Sending love
Steph xx
Hi romy
What you wrote is so true it will be 2 years in may I lost James so sudden to a heart attack. It happened right in front of me. I feel I have lost a limb I’m not the same person any more. I keep going for my boy’s but as you say it’s so hard.
Take care of yourself
Christine x
always so very hard when we lose a loved one and we have to adjust to a new life, I joined the Way Up widow group all over the country along with JDs widow group and such a support of friendship and understanding, going on holidays, coffee meetups, day trips, cinema some find it hard at the start but you can dip and out whenever you feel like once you’ve joined up. Take care. x
Hi Romy so good to hear from you again. We have been travelling this road for nearly the same length of time so I thank you for coming back on the forum again.
Your post is most helpful as well as interesting. Yes we yearn for our loved ones. I call out Brian’s name, I want answers as to why he left me. Acceptance is hard although I sometimes feel I am getting there.
You make sense when you say we have to feel the grief and I will accept this and hope it will release it’s hard grip on me one day.
Take care
Pat xx
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Hi stephtim,
I hope you have wonderful memories of him. I can relate to you as I have lost my partner to cancer. She was only 36. Cannot believe it was just four months back. Let me know if you want anything or want to catch up on a message. Let me know. Kinh
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Hi kinh1982,
Thank you for your message, I’m so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you, 36 is no age, life is so very cruel.
I do have lots of lovely memories of my husband, he’s on my mind every minute of every day.
Stay strong, thinking of you.
Steph xx
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Hi
Im new to this forum and having been reading various posts but your messages here have beenn of some comfort and understanding.
My husband died of a heart attack at 4am on friday last week at the age of 57. My oldest son luckily was home and we tried to resustitate him (got the local defibrilator and did CPR) , the paramedics then took over and took him to hospital but he never regained consciousnes and they could not do anything.
I rationally knew that sudden death happens to people (i am a nurse!) and we dont all fall asleep in our 80’s but it felt like i was the only one this happened too and was feeling these awful emotions until i read all your messages. I curiously go from doing normal things (even tescos to get food) and then just sobbing until i think i cant stop over a tiny thing. So wish i could turn back time.
Thinking of you all at this horrible time. I would not want any one to go through this but it helps to know i am not alone in these crazy mixed up feelings
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Hi juliak1,
So sorry for your loss of your husband, it’s so early days for you,.
The early days for me were total shock and feeling numb and like everything was in slow motion.
I know what you mean about doing things and then crumbling and crying and wanting to scream.
You are not alone, that’s exactly how I felt, but coming on here does help, as everyone knows exactly how you are feeling because you do feel like you’re the only one in the world.
Keep posting, we can keep each other strong.
Love to you and your family.
Steph xx
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