Feeling low

My husband died in January he’d been ill for a few years and I gave up my job and career to look after him. Sometimes the sadness I feel is so painful I just want it to go away. I have lovely friends who keep me going I’ve been on holiday and enjoy it whilst I’m there but always my mood dives when I come home to the same situation of nothingness and loneliness that’s how it feels. I’ve spent the whole weekend doing almost nothing no inclination to do anything. I know tomorrow I may feel completely different hopefully! Is it normal to feel like this after 8 months I wonder? Sorry to off load! X

Hello. I’m sorry for your loss. It really is hell, isn’t it? But you’ve come to the right place because we all know exactly how you’re feeling and what you’re going through. In answer to your question - is it normal to feel like this after 8 months? - well, is anything normal any more? 8 months is such a short time. I lost my darling husband just over 15 months ago now and I still have very dark times and I expect them to go on for the rest of my life. Like you I can go out and enjoy myself but always I carry my grief with me. This forum is heaven sent, it has brought me enormous comfort. So keep writing and keep reading: you’ll be amazed at just how ‘normal’ you are. Sending love and hugs xx

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Oh jennypie why do these things happen is what I would like to know I lost my husband in June I’m devastated and think it is the hardest thing to get through. I miss him so much. I found this site better than any. It’s helps reading other people’s experiences to my own. It’s heartbreaking I really feel for you xx

Oh jennypie why do these things happen is what I would like to know I lost my husband in June I’m devastated and think it is the hardest thing to get through. I miss him so much. I found this site better than any. It’s helps reading other people’s experiences to my own. It’s heartbreaking I really feel for you xx

I lost my husband suddenly at the end of July . The grief has been emotionally and physically so painful I don’t think anyone can understand unless they have been or are going through it themselves . That’s why this site is so helpful and comforting because you know that others get it when you say how you are feeling . I lost my dad to cancer 20 years ago after a long battle and I was absolutely devastated but the grief I have felt after losing my husband so suddenly is on a whole new level and I don’t think it will ever go away . I never want to forget him …and I never will …but the prospect of feeling so distressed without him for the time to come is really daunting . To yearn for someone you can never have is such a hard thing to bear . But I say to myself he didn’t have any choice when he died and I have no choice but to carry on and I do it in his memory and for my children and my mum . I have even said to myself that the children have a father who is dead so the last thing they need now is a useless mum as well . So that gets me up in the morning and makes me get on with the stuff I need and have to do . Sending big hugs to everyone and thank you for letting me ramble on . It helps . Romy xxx

Thankyou all for your replies and sorry for your losses sending you all a big hug. We carry on for our loved ones I really feel for those who don’t have someone to remind them life goes on and I know there’s far worse than me. Lots of love to everyone xxx

You have a great positive attitude Romy, even though you’re hurting. Your children are very lucky to have you as their mum. You’re absolutely right in all that you say. I lost my mum 6 years ago and my brother 2 years ago and both devastating, but the death of my husband is painful beyond imagination. Nobody can even begin to comprehend the agony day after day after day, unless you’ve been there. When someone says, “oh yes I can imagine what you’re going through” they haven’t even so much as scratched the surface. They may think they have but unless they are in our situation, nobody but nobody can know the indescribable pain and heartache which consumes our whole being both physically and emotionally and even mentally. Sending love and positive thoughts to all for the day ahead. Xx

Thank you crazy Kate . That reply meant the world to me because I know you get it . Lots of people don’t …even with the best will in the world . Sending big hugs and much love. Romy xxxxx

Am feeling your hugs Romy and sending one right back to you xx

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XXXXX

Sometimes I feel like I am going to go out of my mind . No one is going to hug me again or look out for me again like my husband did . It’s just rubbish . I am a capable person but I hate it . Sorry to go on . Having a bad half an hour after being in work. We have a garage and you have to be really on your toes and lots of it is new to me x

Hey Romy
You are not going out of your mind…it’s just gunky old grief reminding you that it has put you onto a roller coaster ride you never asked for. You are doing incredibly well…no one can ever do the things for you that your husband did but you will always have that love within you and somehow you will get off the roller coaster one day! Take care…sending a hug just for you x

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Thank you . Means a lot . Walked me dogs just now and feel a bit better . Must be the endorphins from exercising . Thank you again Amelie’s Gran xxxxx

Romy, I feel exactly like that the thought of not having a hug and the closeness of a partner seems to be at the front of my mind a lot also I have always been an independent person but feel very needy at the moment but also inbetween wanting to run away to pastures new! Mixed emotions I suppose xx

I know . I don’t know what’s the matter with me . I want a hug from my husband but because I can’t I keep thinking about who else can hug me . I get plenty of contact with my kids and their boyfriends and my friends but I am missing Mark . I told my mum and she said you are missing him in particular and a mature masculine presence in general and I think she has summed it up . I have a lovely friend who will hug me no strings attached but he doesn’t live nearby so I will just have to carry on with my kids , my mum and my dogs ! X

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