Feeling numb

Since my husband died on Feb 23rd the main emotions I feel are dread, fear and overwhelm. I am left with three children. He was only 54 and his death was unexpected. I know I need to access the sadness but I feel like it’s trapped and I can’t get to it. I think it’s all too big to process and I don’t know how to move forward. I can barely get up and look after my children. I can’t face each day. I am exhausted and have no motivation. It takes all my energy to get up and feed the kids. I worry that one day I won’t manage it and will just stay in bed.


I’m older than you and no children but when Peter died suddenly 11 months ago I was numb for months don’t remember much of it really,then reality hit but I am still without any motivation to do anything,so I set myself a few tasks to complete every week and feel so much better when I have done them .This week it’s contacting someone to fit me a new bathroom I have put it off for months but actually set the wheels in motion this morning.


Hi @Cattia

My partner died (age 56) on 19th February and I still think I am in shock. My coping mechanism has been to keep busy and an online Macmillan counsellor told me that that was my brain’s way of protecting me as I can’t deal with the reality of the situation at the moment. The whole situation is just so incredibly sad. She suggested letting the feelings come when they come. Cry when I need to, etc. The counsellor suggested that I can’t rush the grieving process. Not sure that’s helpful for you but please give yourself time and if possible space to grieve and take care of yourself when the sadness does hit you (understanding that looking after children is a 24/7 job in itself!)


@KMS1 i didn’t have counselling I just went into hyper mode I did all the sorting out for the first few months so I see I was in protection mode as it was such a big shock . He died suddenly at home and I was in Benidorm

So sorry @Jol That must have been awful.
No idea how we come to terms with what has happened.

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@KMS1 thanks I know the reality of it was too much to bear . We were stuck like glue and rarely were apart . I had retired the year before . I still had to do a few shifts but much less so we were really enjoying our time , then bang he’s gone . I called him that morning and by lunch he had collapsed with a massive heart attack . It’s horrific how life deals our cards


Hi there sorry for your loss 54 is so young it’s understandable you feel these emotions i too feel dread, loneliness., my fear has increased as I’ve always suffered with anxiety… Have you any family or friends support at all? I lost my partner last July I’m 58 he was a bit older than me… and I can honestly say I’m taking one day at a time and trying to fill my days but when the grief hits let it flow…I’ve joined a yoga class it was the best thing I’m meeting new people and having a break from my puppy for a few hours… everyone grieves in there own way and in there own time don’t be too hard on yourself and take time for you if you can… even if it’s for an hour… sending a virtual hug we are all here for each other on this forum :kissing_heart:


I feel the same, athough I do not have a family and I am 75. My partners death was unexpected in August last year. I cannot face each day, even though it has been 8 months. I fear the future as due to my age I am sure my health will suffer and I will have no-one to help me. I agree it is exhausting and I lack motivation. However, we must live in the hope that things will eventually get better but everyone is different and some will take longer than others to adjust. On Saturday I felt better and thought that may be I am getting better but that phase soon passed and today I have suffered so much depression and find it difficult to do anything (crying a lot) but have forced myself out of the house. Staying in bed makes things worse as I just dwell on things. I think the answer is to look after ourselves by getting up and trying our best to take our minds off what has happened. I feel extremely lonely at the moment and cannot face living alone - especially as I have no support from family. Take care and look after yourself as well as your family.