I lost my Dad four weeks ago to Parkinsons disease. He had lived with it for 13 years but it was from the start of this year that he rapidly deteriorated. I have had such a busy time caring for him and mum as she got a knee replacement in January which went wrong and saw her in a leg brace for 6 weeks. Now Dad’s gone I feel so empty and keep reliving every part of the past 7 months.
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Hello @Darcy1 ,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling empty, you have had such a busy time with supporting your parents and your family this has been a really difficult time for you. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
Hi Darcy1
I lost my mum to cancer some 4 months ago then my wife in August of this year…
Whilst your busy you dont think about the grief and pain as much, i had about 3 weeks of constant phone calls emails etc sorting finances banking cars funerals etc, i had started to think i wasnt normal because i wasnt megga upset except for not sleeping…
Turns out when your quiet and alone it can hit you badly… regrets worries woulda coulda shouldas… all a part of this grief rollercoaster we are on, but so painful, distraction is the only thing ive found to combat this temporarily,
I try to keep busy in any way i can, my house is very clean, polished all my shoes ironed all my shirts… try doing anything how big or small just to distract you from thinking too much.
Getting outside for any amount of time you can manage helped me, gives you a bit of perspective, over and above the 4 walls i was stairing at 24/7…
Talk to your mum tell her how you feel and let her know your there for her.
Having someone that understands your pain realy helps…
Take it day by day even hour by hour…
Try to remember that our loved ones are no longer in constant pain both physical and mental any longer, they feel only love , joy and wonder…
Im sure they can help us from above…
Take care.
Chris
Gosh you have really been through a lot, I cant imagine how hard it’s been for you. I’m finding I just have to get up out of bed no matter what the weather is or how down I feel, dad would have done anything to be able to get out of bed, go for a walk, or make himself something to eat but Parkinsons robbed him of all that… I have to be grateful I can and get on with it.
Thank you Darcy1
Mum whent in May this year RIP
My wife in August RIP then i I lost my mother in law 3 weeks after my wife in september and then my father-in-law 4 weeks after her, im in the middle of moving house and selling our old home, ive started a new job, and ive had to give my dogs up…
Other than that lifes completely normal!!!
Lifes been really Hell like, i can only hold on to the fact that the cancer each had was horrificly painful and debilitative, and it was beyond hell like to watch them deteriorate daily with nothing i could realy do to help them…
I was with them all at the end except for my father in law who i had seen in the morning and he seemed ok!! By next morning he had gone in his chair…RIP.
My only escape is working currently, although it was realy tough at the start… mental diversions from overthinking and complete negativity are the only things keeping me going…
If i believed i could go to heaven if i jumped from a tall building i wouldnt be writing this now…
I want to see my mum and wife again so much in heaven… if you kill yourself you cant go their…
So i must carry on!!
One day at a time, ive learnt lessons from all of them and i hope that makes me a better human being in the future…
Take care
Chris
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Oh that’s truly terrible, I cant imagine your pain. Losing your dogs too, they are such good company, id be lost without mine. Life’s just such a confusing place, why do we need to suffer or watch those we love suffer. I’ve been reading writings by Donna Ashworth, she seems to nail it on the head with her thoughts.
Thank you Darcy1
Im not great with anything that makes me remember any of them at the moment, i read a few loss poems on facebook and i was upset and in tears for most of the day …
I feel so very bad for it!! but i have to try and block it all out like im trying to forget everyone currently… i hope i can in the future remember them all without completely falling to pieces as i currently do…
Take care
Thank you.
Chris
Yes I understand you, I’m in tears a lot reading the poems. I keep going over how much dad suffered and I know he’s at peace now, I just expected id feel a sense of relief after it was over for him. I know I need to stop looking back. I take every day as it comes, I plan nothing. I’m away to have my car repossessed because I couldn’t afford the repayments, so I’m going to be stranded, I haven’t told anyone yet, I’ll cross that bridge when the day comes. I don’t want to burden anyone with my issues, as a family we are heart broken and at the end of the day it’s just a car. I work as a gardener on an estate in an estate house so I will cope.
Have you or your mum applied for a bereavement grant payment… initially £2500 then £100 a month for 12 months.
Its not much but may help…
One of the things Mcmillain seen reluctant to tell anyone, my dad got nothing because he didnt know.
No never heard of it but we weren’t involved with Macmillan only Marie Curie
I’ve had a quick look, mum is over state pension age, 73 and they would have been married for 50 years in Dec.
Bereavement support payment.
Its a government incentive.
So long as you apply before 3 months after the passing…
You should be entitled to it…
Theres a section on this sight about it, you should definately apply…
Bereavement support payment.
OK thanks I will definitely go and look
Damn it sorry.
Pension age!!! Well thats just crap, surely elderly people need money as much as the younger folks…
Sorry for getting your hopes up.
That’s ok it was worth looking into