I lost my mum 2 weeks ago and lost my dad on 18th December 2024 and am really struggling with the whole mess. My sister was my mums carer and lived with my parents, but she was very controlling and manipulative. Changing my mums funeral plan from cremation to burial, taking over the house when my parents became frail and my mums dementia got worse. Causing my dad regularly going into hospital with COPD exasperation. Getting my mum when she didn’t have capacity to say if she wanted burial or cremation,knowing my mum was so limited with speech and mind set, my mum said 1st she heard. My dad being made to ask her, and pushing him to emphasise burial and quietly say cremation. My mums wishes were expressed in 2023 when a dr came out to do her DNR. My poor dad was tormented, he was in hospital for a month and she only visited the day he passed away. Her excuse was my mum had flu, but it wasn’t it was not allowing any of my mum’s family to be alone with her. When my dad passed she installed a video camera, and recorded everything, whenever anyone was alone with my mum, when nurses came in to give her morphine patch weekly. Even recording mine and my daughters final time with my mum when she had passed away. The reason for this is my mum’s funeral isn’t till 13th August but I don’t feel I can be there with my sister. Its been a nightmare,every day she won’t take opinion doing what she wants, still controlling things. My dad’s being put in with my mum, as he was cremated bur she hasn’t even said do I want to go and watch them transfer him. The money side is a mess,mum and dad had savings and she won’t even talk about it or us going to parents house for the wake and to sort a few keepsakes for us all. Its so cruel. My question is, am I wrong not to go to my mums funeral? I feel I want to go but it’s not what my mum wanted. I can’t grieve properly because every day there is arguments,she ignores me when I ask things. I am struggling with it all.
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Hi @Kimmy69,
Thank you for sharing this with us. It sounds like you’re feeling like you are really struggling with this situation with your sister, and that this is a lot to navigate on top of the grief that you are already dealing with. Please know that you’re not alone.
We have a page on our website which explores some of the challenges that can come up in family relationships after a bereavement, which you may find helpful: Sue Ryder Grief Guide
Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this, and please keep posting on the community if it helps. I hope you find lots of support and comfort here.
Take good care 
Alex
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