I am 3 months into this unwanted journey and I am now starting to have more good days than bad.
I have had a few days staying with family in the Cotswold and for a few hours I almost forgot my grief, and then I felt guilty!
I almost feel like I’m not grieving enough - I’m not only any medication other than my pain meds.
When I was working, my managers used to comment on my positive manner and optimistic, resilience approach to life -is that why? Believe me I adored my husband, he was handsome, clever funny and loved life too. We had been together for 43 years
Part of me is concerned I will just have a massive grief explosion at some point
Is there anyone else who feels/felt like I do? I know grief is an individual journey, but I just wondered!
Have a good day everyone
Don’t feel guilty , no one wants to feel this awful grief. If you are able to feel some joy embrace it.
I am a way from that yet but I hope I will also be able to start to have periods were it is not so heavy.
Take care and be kind to yourself 
x
I remember having that same guilt whenever I had days without tears. I too adored - and still do - my husband so could not understand it.
Grief is such a weird thing and it affects each of us differently. I’m now 2 1/2 years into this journey and have times with tears, which can come out of the blue as well as times when I’m just getting on with life.
You may have more times to come when it hits you hard but if you don’t then just treasure what you had and know you are doing him proud by not letting his loss take your life too. It’s one thing we can still do for them but it can be a hard fight.
Karen xxx
Not yet a month for me and no tears. I don’t understand it as when I lost others I cried uncontrollably for months it seemed and my heart hurt so bad I thought it would just stop.
Some say the numb feeling is shock, I do not know. I just know I have no emotion - happy nor sad. Just flat. An empty shell of a once lively woman.
Peace be with you.
Its just over 5 months since my husband died suddenly with no warning. Tomorrow its our 46th wedding anniversary. Had a couple of good days then felt guilty because I don’t want to leave him behind. I have to remember he’s just gone on ahead of us…not being left behind. Its a roller coaster for me now…some better days then a couple of very sad weepy days. Different for all of us yet we have lots in common too.
There’s no right or wrong way to feel and in my experience emotions can be very up and down. I lost my husband of 42 years two years ago and I was quite surprised at how well I coped to begin with. I think you carry on in a bit of a daze for the first few months to a year, caught up with sorting all your affairs out and dealing with all the first time without them events. For me it was when the second year without him started and it dawns on you that this is life from now on. I’ve found the second year harder than the first and now I’m just starting into the third year without him although I do have some good days here and there I’m missing him more than ever and really struggling at times.
Be grateful for the days you are coping and don’t feel guilty about it. Grief is very different for everyone.
Sending you best wishes
Hope, I am so sorry. So very sorry. I know you miss your husband and it makes you sad. It is just awful. I am still in “can’t believe this is true”. Every evening at about this time, my husband would come upstairs to see what was going on for dinner and I expect his growl at any moment. He is never going to turn that corner again.
It just can’t be.
In the evenings I look over at his sofa and it is empty. I am overwhelmed by sadness and miss him so much. I didn’t know this depth of sadness existed.
Mbg - the shape of my husband is permanently imprinted on his Chaise sofa after years of sitting in the same spot. I had to toss a throw and a pillow there because I keep looking for him and the image is too empty to see, so I fill it .
I still cannot look at the spot where he died on our bedroom floor. I block it with a chair.
We have always had two large sofa’s oposite each other. He would drive me crazy putting all the feather filled cushions on the floor. 3 out of our 4 dogs, would sit with him. I look over now and there isn’t a cushion out of place. All 4 dogs are now on my sofa.
He went away for a few days with the dogs. We have a holiday home by the sea. I failed to get hold of him one evening. He had passed away. All those years together and he dies alone. It was so unexpected. It is nearly 3am and I am awake again.
I have so much in common with all of you posting here. I’m nearly always awake at 3am. I can’t seem to sleep beyond 2.30am. Also my husband used to often sit opposite me on the other sofa. 46 years ago today we were married. I am so sad today. Love to you all.
Four months for me. Tears are becoming more regular but I’m also waiting for a massive explosion of grief. Work colleagues comment on ‘how well’ I’m doing which makes me feel like I’m not grieving right?
My friends took me out on Saturday night and although I was in my own wee world for most of the night I did enjoy myself for a wee while. I feel very guilty now and emotionally exhausted. I know he would want me to enjoy myself but it feels so wrong and like I really shouldn’t have gone out after only four months.
@Ali77 Oh, don’t say that, the night out would have done you some good, I’m sure.
I started going out 8 days after he died, friends enveloped me and lots of people wanted to see me for themselves.
Please don’t feel guilty. It’s all too easy to stay at home and hide away, making the big effort is often worthwhile and leads to other distractions.
Do not feel guilty for going out with friends. If you wait too long to slide back into life, you may stay inside, shutting out the world forever. I am happy you went out, even if you weren’t really there most of the time. Next time will be easier.
There are no rules for widows and widowers, we function at our own pace.
My sister-in-law was out having brunch with friends the day after my husband’s funeral. Her social calendar has not been interrupted, despite them being the only 2 remaining family members. It hasn’t been a month yet and she is doing much better than me. I am staying home where I feel safe and do not have to engage with anyone in person.
It all sucks.
Peace.
Aww it really does suck, I was the same for the first couple of months until I had to go back to work.
My next night out ‘out’ is in December but I’m already talking myself out of it as it will be his six month mark. I think that’s why I got so anxious about being out on Saturday as it was pretty much the four month mark and the reality of it all kind of hit me. I keep trying to remember that every day is different so will see how I am then. Maybe I’ll take the car so that I can sneak off 
or have someone on stand bye to pick me up! Or I may just end up having a ball and being the last to leave…who knows 
Every day is a rollercoaster.
Take good care of yourself x x
Yes, go and take the car so you can leave when you want. Start planning your outfit and hairstyle. You can do this for a 1/2 hour, then maybe another 1/2 hour and so on. Something to look forward to.
Love.
I totally agree with what you have said.
I thought the second year would be better as there were no more firsts, but i have struggled to cope and find more up and down.
I have gone back to counselling which has helped me loads.
Good days and bad days, but im still standing
@Mo11 & @Hope2
It’s 2 1/2 years for me now and I think quite a few of us found that the second year can be harder than the first in some ways.
I think the rewiring of the brain means that we have to face to absolute truth of the fact that our loved one is gone for good. We possibly also expect to feel better after getting through what most people think of as the firsts, but in my experience there are still many firsts to face throughout life and I know I still have plenty ahead of me. Some day I’ll read our letters to each other and some day I may go back to places for holidays which we went to together.
Generally though I think life is less full of pain with fewer episodes of tears. I do cry but less frequently than before. I hope you find the same.
Karen xxx
19 months on and I have more good days than bad. Sometimes something triggers the tears but generally I’m enjoying life. I know He would have wanted that for me.
I follow Richard E Grant actor lost his wife- he says to look for a pocketful if happiness every day. Hard initially but becomes a habit.
I think we worry that we will forget them if we are not crying but we don’t they are ajways in our heart. Memories never die.
I ‘talk’ to my husband quite a lot as I’m sure many of you do too. The other day I said to him ‘So what do I do now?’ and the words that very clearly came back to mewere ‘Make the best of the rest of the time you have left’ I’m sure that this is exactly what he would say as HE certainly made the best of his time here on earth. He had a positive can do attitude and great faith that meant he attempted all sorts of things that seemed impossible at the outset but which he achieved. I am so blessed that he chose me to be his wife but then I would say that wouldn’t I.